Why Sunday is not so super anymore

Sunday neurosis, that kind of depression which afflicts people who become aware of the lack of content in their lives when the rush of the busy week is over and the void within themselves becomes manifest. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

YOU see it everywhere.  People feeling an uneasy tightness in their stomachs.  It's strange because they should be relaxing. After all, it's the first day of the week on the calendar. Traditionally, a day of rest and relaxation.

Leaving the increasing shift to seven day working aside, there seems to be an inability of some people to reflect and truly focus themselves on being calm.

In order to replenish themselves for the week ahead, taking time out was once seen as essential for cleansing the mind, body, and soul.

A failure to do so often resulted in a sluggish start to the week. Lethargy would set in quickly, and productivity would rapidly decline as the body drained of energy, would drag itself back to work.

What are we seeing today?

On Sundays, people are working on their smart phones and lap tops, making telephone calls, sending texts, writing emails, and worrying about the next day's meeting. 

It's a mind filled with the anxieties of the week ahead.  How did we ever let it get to this state? Whatever happened to a restful Sunday?

Sometimes it's too late to change bad habits

Author of Man's Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl, talks about the "void within" linking that to a kind of Sunday neurosis. Leo Tolstoy laments on the possible regret of a life not well lived, and asks, "What if in reality my life, my conscious life, has not been the right thing?"

John Ortberg, author of When The Game Is Over, It All Goes Back In The Box, recounts the story of a workaholic executive whose wife woke at 3.00 a.m. to find he was not beside her.  She went downstairs to drag him to bed and saw him sitting in front of a computer screen, his head on the desk.  He didn't respond to her touch.  He suffered a massive heart attack and died.

Perhaps death is natures's way of telling you to slow down.  But how do people get so addicted to their work, that all else in their life becomes secondary? 

This is our predicament. Over and over again, we lose sight of what is important and what isn't. - Epictetus 

Walter Doyle Staples, in his new book Happy 95% Of The Time,  says that a neurotic typically does the same thing over and over again in an attempt to deal with more intense and deeper feelings of misery and worthlessness. The pleasurable feelings of doing some form of activity result in only temporary relief, and the addicted workaholic remains in a downward spiral of despair.

Such futile behavior is similar to a mouse running around a wheel in an endless chase going nowhere, and simply becoming exhausted and worn out.

A new definition of success

A good friend of mine, motivational speaker and author of It's Never Too Late: One Man's Journey of Self-Discovery, Ryan Gomez (pictured below), suggests that we need a new definition of success, what he calls the three Fs of success.

People used to think, he says, that if they had Fans, Fame and Fortune, they would be a successful person.  How very wrong and empty would life be if this were true?  He instead suggests that Faith, Family and Friends should form the basis for true success.

Founder of online retailer, RedBalloon and one of the judges on Australia's TV show Shark Tank, Naomi Simson, says it is not what you do that makes a difference, it is the why that puts a spring in your step, a smile on your face, and gives you a real sense of fulfillment.

Understanding why we do anything makes work more interesting for sure. Having work that is motivating and fulfilling is one thing.  But being able to balance your priorities takes real skill and commitment. Being passionate about what you do does not mean that you drop everything else in your life.

So how can we make our Sundays super again? 

The changes of habits in our lives begin with taking responsibility for our actions. When we're on autopilot, the definition of insanity prevails; that is, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

American psychologist and philosopher, William James said that human beings, by changing the inner aspects of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.

We can complain and blame others, but until we really understand what is important in our lives, and then do something about it, then things pretty much roll along as they are.

But we all make our own lunch.

This reminds me of the story of the construction worker. As he is opening his lunch one day, he mumbles, "Peanut butter sandwiches! That's all I ever get are peanut butter sandwiches!" So his mate says to him, "Why don't you ask your wife to make you something else?" And he replies, "I'm not married. I make my own lunch."

Each of us makes and creates our own circumstances.  We all effectively make our own lunch.  But we tend to blame others for circumstances that don't work for us.

By working excessively on a Sunday, we can make excuses like, having to earn money to feed the family, having to please the boss, playing the martyr, and numerous other reasons.

But habits, both good and bad, become entrenched in your life and become more difficult to unlearn.

The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn. - Alvin Toffler

Practice good time management, learn to say "no" when need be, renegotiate your workload - there are numerous things you can do to bring space into your week to re-adjust, re-focus, and replenish your mind, body and soul.

As Stephen Covey famously said, spend time in "sharpening your saw." When the saw is blunt, it is really silly to try to saw twice as hard.  You need time out to sharpen the saw so it can be used effectively. 

Identify any signs of "Sunday neurosis" in you - and ask yourself whether you are just doing activity for activity sake to fill a void in your life.

Or is it meaningful and purposeful activity?