Why Stories Matter

We all have moments in our careers that stick with us and shape our paths.?

For me, one of these moments occurred many years ago while working with a group of strategists at a technology company. We were all tightly packed into a small room listening to consumers talk about their love for the product, how they would save money each month so they could afford it, and how they use it in their daily lives. One of the strategists honed in on one particular comment and immediately started doubting the consumer’s use of the product. Soon, the other strategists started to pile on. To be clear, they weren’t questioning the validity of the respondent or whether he actually owned the product—they were concluding that this consumer was wrong … that he didn’t understand the product and that his experience wasn’t valid because it didn’t align with what the clients thought it should be.

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That’s when I stepped in.?It was the first time I stared back at clients realizing that what I was about to say could potentially end our partnership.?Respectfully (and passionately), I informed them that stories drive behavior, and if we don’t respect consumer stories, we will never be able to understand behavior.?If they weren’t willing to listen deeply to the stories without judgment, then we should all pack up and head to the airport.?Thankfully, we didn’t get fired, and the project went on to be a significant success.

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The stories we listen to, tell ourselves, and tell others are the foundation of narratives.?These stories can be fact or fiction, true or false, but they are reality.?Stories, at mass, form narratives, and narratives drive human behavior.?

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Let’s look at the narratives in our economy of the past two years.?The first narrative was that we were headed for a hard landing or a recession.?The second narrative was that we were headed for a soft landing, based on action taken by the Fed.?

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• If you believed the narrative around a hard landing, it probably led to behaviors such as making changes to your finances, delaying your vacation for another year, holding off on big purchases, cooking at home more, etc.

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• If you believed the narrative around a soft landing, it probably led to behaviors such as taking the family vacation, going out to dinner more often, making a big purchase or two, etc.

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Finally, narratives can change, thus changing your behaviors.

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Time for a personal story – when I was younger, I remember coming home from school with my report card filled with A’s.?My father would look at it and say great job but would also ask what happened with the A-.? I remember coming home from a football game, and he would say “great job” and eventually ask about the interception I threw.? The story I would tell myself was my father expected perfection and I needed to work harder to be perfect.?These stories turned into a narrative that drove my behaviors, shaped my path, and led me to where I am today.

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When I became a father, I realized the stories that I remembered weren’t completely accurate.?My father was always proud of me after every report card, concert, game, etc.?He knew I had capabilities that I wasn’t aware of yet—and he helped push me to realize them.?The narrative has changed, and now it drives my behaviors differently – as a parent, husband, friend, leader, and consultant.

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If we don’t take the time to deeply understand individual stories and the narratives they build, we lose the power to effectively navigate and impact them. As Ted Lasso would say, “Be curious, not judgemental.”

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