Why Still Having Best Friends From Your Childhood Can Make You a Better Leader Today

There are many things you can learn from having the same childhood friends for over 40 years. Admittedly, some don't apply to leadership, but the ones that do can be an integral part of the culture you create for people everyday.

Over 40 years ago I met my two best friends Terrance Oliver and Dan DeBlois , in Mrs. Lewis' class at JD George Elementary School in Verona, NY, and to this day they are still some of the closest people in the world to me. That is us in that picture at my birthday party back in 1983 and then us just this past weekend back home in NY.

I still see these guys 2 or 3 times a year, we still send Christmas Gifts back and forth, and I know the first call any of us get every year on our birthday and father's day is one of us wishing the others well, followed by a "getting old" joke and "where has the time gone" comment. The best part is our wives & kids are now great friends and our kids look forward to every vacation we get to spend hanging out together.

Who knew all those years ago I would be writing now about how our life-long friendship has made me a better leader at work on a daily basis, when back then our life consisted of major questions like:

• Who was going to be team captains in kickball at recess?
• Who's house were we all sleeping at this weekend?
• How could Hulk Hogan lose to The Ultimate Warrior when clearly Hulk-A-Mania was running wild all over???
• Could wrestling on TV be fake? Say it ain't so?Mean'?Gene Okerlund

With all that said if you are lucky enough to have friendships like mine and you really think about it... Maybe you will find like I did, that they remind you every day at some point how important long term and truly vested relationships are in leading a team of people.

Here are some things I practice every day because of those guys I met over 40 years ago:

Loyalty When Everything is Equal:

At some point in your career, you will be faced with choosing sides when both sides have a fair and valid point. You must make a decision and you honestly can see both side of the solution or problem.

40 year Friendship Law:?

Loyalty in this case can and should come down to past history of unconditional support and successes. When all things are equal, let’s make that very clear, when all things are equal...loyalty should always win. Is it showing favoritism? Not really, especially when all things are equal, so why would you not support a longer term relationship and more vested decision? If something goes wrong, the person with a big vested interested will suffer most, so in my experiences I am going to bet on the person that feels there is more to lose if it does not work. In most cases that happens to be the person in the room with the longer more vested relationship with you. A poor leader would support an unworthy or nonsensical concept simply because of loyalty, however there is nothing wrong with deciding based on a trusted source and vested corporate relationship when all things are equal. There is a reason they have been successful for so long... and it is not because they make bad recommendations. To be honest... there is nothing wrong with other people having to prove they can make similar sound recommendations over a long period of time as well.

2.Tough Conversations:

There have been many times when having a tough conversation needed to happen and it was with someone who you have that long vested relationship with at work.

40 year Friendship Law:?

If you truly care about the person and they truly believe that you do... then the tough conversations become a lesson in understanding that you are there to help them find answers to questions that really do help them get better. It is not about Performance Plans and HR documents... while some of that might need to happen, it is about you connecting with that person in a way that focuses on getting them back to being what made them great in the first place. If you truly have a great relationship, it will be received and absorbed correctly on both sides and your relationship will be stronger for it. My grandfather used to say: "Battle Proven Relationships can withstand a small reality check once in a while when it is needed."

3. Trust

Countless times I have been tasked with a fire drill or project I needed help on and I only had one call to make to find someone to help me get the job done. The decision has much less pressure when you have someone you know you can count on.

40 year Friendship Law:?

When you only have time or options to choose one person to help you get something done it is incredibly relieving to know you have a short list of people you can count on no matter what. Just like the friend you call for a ride who will pick you up in the middle of the night when you get a flat tire (they will be in PJ's and tell you that you owe them big time but they come through when you need them most) These people at work are the people you feel completely comfortable relying on when the CEO asks you to head up a project. You know they will come through in the clutch and make it happen. Often times I find they may not even be the most talented people at the task I have given them, but I know if I ask for their help they will do it on time and put their all into it. I have even gotten emails thanking me for asking them because they know how valued I made them feel that I asked them to help over everyone else.

You don't get that trust level with people very easily and it comes with time and a proven track record of delivering huge in big situations.

4. Knowing Your Team:

At some point we all felt like our boss could care less about us unless we are at work and doing our job... Never acknowledging or discussing anything but work, spreadsheets, and sales plans is a big mistake. I happen to now work for a great boss and company, and I can tell you the amazing difference it makes with me and how I approach working with my team own every day.

40 year Friendship Law:?

Take the time to get to know your people better than any leader before you... Write down birthdays, remember things like their daughter goes to Baylor or that their son turned 5 and went to waterpark for his birthday party with friends... It is more important and meaningful to them than you can possibly imagine. I make notes... tons of them... some are in spreadsheets, some in a notebook... some are simply in my head. Those notes are things that my team tells me that allows me to see inside their world for a moment outside of work. Kids, pets, hobbies, interests, sports team affiliations, and passions... They are all things that make up who they are as people and when you acknowledge them in conversation, send notes on birthdays, and show interest in how things are going it builds bridges that cannot easily be broken.

I never forget my best friends’ birthdays, kids names, and what they have going on in life... maybe that is why all the other points in this article have always come so naturally to our relationship with each other. We know through action and words that we truly care about each other outside the superficial fantasy football trash talking that goes on. That is not just being a good friend... that is being someone people want to be part of their daily lives.

The reality is we spend 1/3 of our life at work... and if you really think about it why would we not want to try and bring some of the great qualities of those lifelong friendships to work every day. I can honestly say that taking some of the great qualities of those friendships to work every day can make all the difference.