Why? Why? Why? Why is this still happening?

Why? Why? Why?

My brother would have been 31 today. 10 years ago we celebrated his 21st. Unfortunately due to a tragic accident, he wouldn’t see his 22nd.

But it was not a day spent with family, unfortunately. I was off to another funeral for a bloke who I had attended school with in a town a few hours away. 

It was another tragic example of a young fella with so much to live who from the outside ticked all the boxes, lovely wife, kids, job he loved. But on the inside? Well who knows? It would appear none of his family or friends. He made the ultimate decision. He could no longer cope with what he was going through. Unfortunately he was also another military man.

I wasn’t overly emotional at the funeral. I had only seen him a few times since school, and I was there to pay my respects. But when his little boy, who was around 2, placed a mound of dirt on the grave, on his dad’s grave, I lost it. The little boy, so young, unaware of what he was doing but had seen his mummy and grandparents do it before him. So innocent, so child like.

I cried, not like a little girl. Like a man. A man who had suffered great pain and loss. I hadn’t cried at his passing, I cried at the situation. I’ve got 2 little kids, 2 and 3 years of age, seeing this near broke me. I cried uncontrollably, not hysterical crying like I had when my brother passed, but uncontrollably. But I didn’t try to ‘control’ my crying. I won’t allow others opinions to affect the way I express my emotions. I cried uncontrollably, and loudly. That image of that little boy putting those clumps of dirt will most likely stay with me forever.

Why was this happening? Why do we as a society feel as though we can’t share with anyone how we are feeling? There are campaigns ‘it ain’t weak to speak’, RUOK, but it’s not enough. See a specialist, see a psychologist. What drives us men to the point where we feel we have no option but to leave those ones we should protect, we should guard, we should guide? Why does this still occur? Why?

We spoke about depression at the Waratahs reunion lunch back in February. We spoke openly about how we all go through highs and lows, through dark times and times of great sunshine. One of the boys pointed out that if you are feeling depressed or in a depressed state, you don’t always feel being open with your mates, friends or family. He encouraged us to go and see a specialist, much like you would if you had an injury. You wouldn’t go to a mate to see if your arm was broken or your ligament was damaged, see a specialist, a psychologist.

 On this last note, we should all be grateful. Although it’s tragic my brother passed so young, I’m grateful he was 21. I’ grateful he didn’t have kids, in saying that I would also have been grateful if he did. I’m grateful that he went quickly and now slowly or painfully, when I could be frustrated and angry he didn’t say bye. I’m grateful that I was there for his 21st birthday celebrations, what a great night it was and what great memories we created.

I’m grateful that for what I’ve had and what I’ve got. 2 beautiful kids that I get to have dinner with, with my wife and kids on ‘Uncle Dan’s’ birthday.

Be grateful. We need to change. See a specialist. 

#seeaspecialist #seeapsychologist