Why So Serious? The Importance Of Not Taking Life Too Seriously

My name is Matthew. I'm 43 years old, and I really don't take myself too seriously.

I was talking with some colleagues earlier this week about the importance of keeping a child like wonder about our own engagement with reality - ensuring that we remember to "just be", whether that's as complex as a lifetime of learning meditation, or a chance to dance to music when you're at home, or to be a bit less than serious at times.

A former colleague I used to work with when I worked for our Canadian organisation said something that resonated with me on a comment on another post this week - "you can have a serious job, but don't take yourself too seriously.".

Which, speaking on a personal level, is wonderful advice. I think it's very easy for us all to get a little bit too wrapped up in the draw of ego, and the titles and status that we accrue over time.

To that end, it's very easy to end up believing in a reality that is, frankly, a little bit self-absorbed, with a view that we're somehow "better" just because we happen to have this job title or that job title, or this car, or that house.

Don't get me wrong - ego is a powerful thing. We live in a world where the importance of the individual is - for better or worse - at the centre of Western thinking.

We've spent years as a society building the world into one of infinite personalisation, ensuring that you and I could use the same app and end up reinforcing our own world views if we don't think about what reality actually is. I see it every day where people take really strong, almost offensive, viewpoints on topics they barely even have any idea about - just because they happen to want to contribute, and to appear relevant, like they have to prove some intrinsic value on who they are.

It's very easy to get hooked on the attraction of appearing the expert, and on being seen as a really important, really serious character. I get it.

With that said, I can safely admit that I am likely the opposite of all those things - or at least I often feel I am - whether that's my imposter syndrome talking, or (not so) secretly being someone who can often have the personality of a young child, albeit in a good way.

On a personal level, part of why I tend to not take myself too seriously is a response to my own childhood trauma - something which, at the time, felt very bad but, with the right level of reflection, has actually proved to be quite positive, given I've managed to turn it into keeping hold of some part of that child-like desire to ask "why?" a lot.

If there's anything I've learned about life, it's that things can go south at times - and you can find yourself in a position where everything you once had is no longer available, be that temporarily or permanently.

Too often we end up wrapped up in this persona of who we think we are when, more often than not, something could easily turn up and convert that situation into something very different.

I, for instance, never thought I'd get to a position of being 29 and burned out mere days after having a high paid job - I didn't see that coming until I couldn't get out of bed one day.

I similarly didn't see a chronic pain condition turning my life upside down, forcing me to live in a box room at my parents because I couldn't physically work - going from able to disabled made me reassess my identity.

Prior to my own burnout, I was a bit of a Jack the Lad type - probably a bit brash, and a bit too wrapped up in my own desire for validation, both through my self-image, but also through the things I had. What I'll say is that it can all come crashing down pretty quick one day as a result of things inside or outside of your control - all things are temporary, after all.

Having bad things happen can certainly give a person pause - this image I'd created of being a successful, professional person was flipped upside down in short order, and it really did humble me in the true sense of the word.

After all, when so much of your identity is wrapped up in a persona you yourself created, and you're no longer able to be that person, it can be - and was - extremely challenging at a very deep level. Playing the part of an actor who is trying to be something else - or someone else - is exhausting, but we often do it under the banner of "keeping up appearances", or for reasons that relate to tying perception to our identity in a way that isn't sustainable.

Nowadays, I am who I am.

I should caveat the above by saying it takes a certain amount of self-control and privilege to allow a person to be that way. On some level, my seniority allows me to bring more of who I am to the table given I've established a base level of competence that means I'm involved in the conversation in the first place - it can be, and often is, much harder for younger people to be as "open" because others can perceive such "transparent" behaviour as unprofessional or otherwise not well regulated.

Similarly, I being who I am means some form of self-regulation - it isn't carte blanche to turn up to meetings with emotional diarrhoea, or to be deliberately and wilfully childish in professional settings.

Anyway, in the spirit of sharing thoughts, I wanted to share some ideas on how being less than serious is important. They are:

1) Being serious has a place, but serious 24/7 leads to burnout - we'd all likely agree that there's a time and a place for serious, just as there's a time and a place for being not-so-serious. Being deliberately child-like in a serious situation could be considered offensive and/or inappropriate so it's not like it's always right to be silly or immature in any context. The important bit is giving ourselves the time to be who we really are, whether the context happens to be inside or outside of work.

2) Things can change, often rapidly, so don't get too caught up in (potentially temporary) power/privilege - I've been fortunate to lose everything in a few ways and it has made me wholly aware that things can go away, in some cases to never return. When we define ourselves by things like job titles, houses, or cars, we leave ourselves very vulnerable to an identity crisis when these things disappear. After all, if so much of who you are is based on a high powered job, what's going to happen if you lose it? If so much of your persona is based on having a big house, what happens if you had to let it go?

3) When things hit the fan, we're all equal - core to my point about not taking oneself too seriously is the reality that all of us have no intrinsic entitlement to be who we are, or have the things we have. Buddhists spend a lifetime freeing themselves from attachment because they create suffering - it's no different when it comes to circumstances or "things" we tie who we are to. When things go wrong, badly, often we are exposed to the harshness of life - having a bit of humility is important, as life can humble a person very quickly. Core to all of this is the belief we are all equal, and that circumstance can turn someone in one position, such as a well paid doctor, into something very different, such as a refugee escaping a war zone, in a short space of time. In short, be balanced, be respectful, and be humble.

4) Spend some time being less than serious - it goes without saying that it's important to let your hair down at times. Part of what I like to think makes me interesting is that I'm not trying to always be a rigidly defined person at all times - and nor do I let any job title or personal circumstance be confused with my actual identity. I had to go through that identity crisis when I did lose my health and money, and it was incredibly tough because so much of how we feel is fundamentally tied to our perceived identity and, to a certain extent, a perception of our entitlement to be that person. It's important to be silly sometimes, to be able to goof off, or laugh, or have silly songs in your head, or otherwise be a bit more interesting than just being a job rather than a person - in and out of work.

5) Treat yourself with kindness - it's fair to say that maintaining an equilibrium is really beneficial for us all over time. Just as we shouldn't get too hyped up with who we are in the good times, so we should cut ourselves some slack during the bad times - things can change, often in a short space of time, and maintaining a sense of equanimity can be the difference between long term success and failure.

What are your tips? Feel free to share them in the comments as I'm keen to hear how you ensure things aren't taken too seriously, personally or professionally.