Why this is so much more than just 3 Dads Walking

Yesterday, I had the absolute privilege of spending the day with Andy, Mike and Tim, the 3 Dads Walking as they crossed the mid-point of their "A Walk of Hope 2024" from Stirling, in Scotland to Norwich.?

This morning, I was nursing sore calf muscles and equally painful feet. However, today I get to sit at my laptop, whilst these fathers continued with yet another 20+ mile walk across fields and over hills and dales, mud tracks, crossing streams (I fell in one yesterday!) and through towns and villages to raise awareness about the impact of suicide on society and particularly young people.?

The 3 Dads left Stirling on April 18th and plan to arrive in Norwich, more than 3 weeks later on May 11th. - View the entire route by clicking here. ?

On Monday, our day started at 7:30am and the walking part finished at just before 6pm. Andy, Mike and Tim's day didn't stop then though; press interviews, shaking hands with the Lord Mayor and other local people of note, responding to the hundreds of well-wishers on social media and via email, their day typically starts at around 5 am and they finish, exhausted but elated, at around 10:30pm.????

What we all need to remember?

What these bereaved fathers are doing is nothing short of incredible and here's something each of us needs to remember; Andy, Mike and Tim are fathers who lost their daughters, Beth, Emily and Sophie to suicide and who live daily with grief and immense devastation and pain and will do for the remainder of their lives.?

During our walk yesterday, as I chatted with each of the Dads, we shared our experiences of loss - on more than one occasion, I found myself unable to speak for a few moments, as the overwhelming feeling of sadness gripped me once more, as it often does, more than 4 years on from Jordan's suicide. I listened though, as Tim spoke about how he tried to resuscitate?Emily by performing CPR and Mike, as he explained that he considered taking his own life and how during Covid-19 lockdown, he would ride his bike almost to exhaustion, with tears streaming down his face to try and release the trauma and anguish he was feeling.????

If you knew the truth?

This is more than 3 bereaved Dad's walking, this is 3 father's trying to make the world (certainly the UK) recognise that suicide can affect anyone and yet, anyone can help prevent suicides but only if they're willing to engage in the conversation and take practical actions in our schools, workplaces and communities to prevent more suicides from happening.

Many of us involved in suicide prevention regularly share the national and global statistics relating to the numbers: 700,000 deaths globally, 6000+ in the UK annually, the biggest killer of people under 35 etc, etc.?

During our walk, I heard how one senior police officer whose team was responsible for ascertaining the cause of death when they are called out to an incident where someone has died, said that in more than 80% of the cases, they are not looking for anyone else in connection with these deaths and yet, for various reasons, in many instances a coroner will not record the death as a suicide.?

One father I spoke with recently, explained how his son took his own life on the railways and yet despite having made a previous suicide attempt, because his son had recently been showing signs of responding well to treatment, the coroner could not be certain that he intended to take his own life. Anyone knowing the full details of this young man's death would be in no doubt that his intention was to take his own life and yet he will not be included in the UK's national suicide statistics.?

These are just two of the many examples we hear at The Jordan Legacy CIC which highlight how suicide deaths in this country are being vastly under-reported.

People, like the 3 Dads Walking, regularly challenge our government to do more - during this walk, they were joined by Sir Kier Starmer (The Prime Minister has no plans to join the Dads at any point as a far as we're aware?). Their message to Sir Kier and others in Government is to say, we understand the need to invest in protecting our country from terrorism and other external threats and other equally important reasons for the treasury to spend money, but when we are losing so many people, especially our young, to one of the most preventable deaths in this country, why is the Government not making this a priority, which includes understanding what the true picture is as far as the number of deaths by suicide each year is concerned?!

What kind of people join the 3 Dads on each leg of their journey?

So many of our conversations during yesterday's walk were about the suicide of young people; one lady, representing Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide (SOBS), from Leicestershire was carrying a wooden placard, it included photos of around 20 young people who had taken their own lives in recent times.?

At various points during the day, people would appear, as if from nowhere, and join the group. I spent a good hour talking with one father whose teenage daughter had taken her own life on Christmas Day last year - it came as a complete shock to the family and she'd shown no signs that she was suicidal, something I hear all too often.?

Early on in the walk, a lady who had been following our group on a tracking app, suddenly appeared as we made our way through a wood. She told us how she had driven from Lancashire by herself to join up with the 3 Dads.

A keen solo-walker, this lady had rarely ever walked with a group of other people but having recently lost her daughter to suicide and seen the 3 Dads on the news, she decided to get in her car and find the group. I hope yesterday's walk and meeting others with lived experience of suicide helped her in some way to cope with her own grief.

There were plenty of moments of good humour along the way too, especially when, early into the walk, as we crossed a fast flowing stream, I lost my footing on a slippery rock and plunged myself into the ice water - I was thankful for the strong winds blowing across the dales, which gradually dried me out. Of course my soaking was featured on the 3 Dads' Live Instagram broadcast a little later, which prompted those those joining the walk later in the day to ask if I was the Steve who'd got a dunking?!!

Don't forget, this is about hope too?

There were also stories of hope yesterday - after all this latest journey is called "A Walk of Hope". We heard the Dads talk about the talks they'd delivered to young people in schools and how students would come up to them afterwards to talk about their own experiences of suicide and saying "We want to talk about this issue - it's our futures at stake here!"? Why is it that so many adults, don't get this and encourage suicide to be more openly discussed, in an age appropriate manner, in our schools, colleges and universities??

Although yesterday was about sharing stories of loss and grief, it was also a day to celebrate the fact that there are so many people spreading hope and making a difference. People like the amazing Emma Webb, who sprang out from behind a hedge (where she'd been waiting in the cold for 2-hours) part way through the walk, having caught a bus from Newport in South Wales and travelled through the night to surprise us all and then join the 3 Dads walk. ?

You will know Emma as the lady, who lost her daughter Brodie to suicide. Brodie was a keen horse rider and during the latter part of 2023, Emma was featured on national TV news channels, pulling an enormous plastic horse behind her as she undertook her own 157 miles walking challenge to raise awareness about suicide and raise money for her chosen charity in Brodie's memory. The horse, called Miles, is currently residing in Emma's lounge, literally being used a clothes horse, adorned with washing, including strategically placed bras hanging over his ears!? Emma is planning another walk late in September from Chepstow and ending up at the Horse of the Year Show!?

Up bright and early and joining the start of the walk at 7:30am was Karen Sykes, who lost her daughter Beth to suicide in 2019 - this tragic event was not Karen's only experience of suicide, her husband, Ian, also took his own life in 2015! Karen though is known for spear-heading the wonderful "Speak their Name" suicide memorial quilt, along with other bereaved mothers, Anna Scott and Pat Sowa, following the success of a similar initiative in Greater Manchester which involves creating a beautiful giant quilt, that is made up of squares sewn with love in memory of people who have taken their own lives.

How apathy came to Yorkshire yesterday

Early into our walk yesterday, the 3 Dads were telling me about the incredible crowds they had been experiencing as they walked through towns villages on their way from North of the border and down through the north of England. They talked about the wonderful generosity and hospitality they'd received from local people, many offering donations (some stopping their cars in the middle of the road to hand over cash), farmers offering them a cooked breakfast or families providing overnight accommodation and those honking their car horns as they recognised the purple colours of the PAPYRUS Prevention of Young Suicide t-shirts and flags each of the Dads were carrying.

And then they arrived in Yorkshire!?

As we approached the market town of Otley and despite all the recent media coverage, barely anyone was there to greet the arrival of the 3 Dads and the tag-along walking group. I don't recall a single car horn tooting. In fact some of those who did approach the group, simply lowered their eyes or looked the other way - as Andy Airey, the Cumbrian contingent of the 3 Dads said "Welcome to bloody Yorkshire!".?

The response was not anymore engaging as we approached Leeds. Although a couple of people did stop to donate and chat with the Dads, it wasn't until we arrived at the offices of Papyrus in Leeds City centre, following a long 10 and a half hours walking, that the cheers rang out and the flags waved!!?

If we want to breakdown the stigma surrounding suicide, then as a society, we need to make an effort. Don't watch your TV and say; "Aren't those Dads amazing!" Instead, check out the remainder of the "A Walk of Hope" route and then tell your friends, your family, your work colleagues and get yourself out of your house or office for a few minutes as they arrive in your location.

Let Andy, Mike and Tim know that you appreciate what they are doing by them being prepared to share their grief and themselves to help make our society, a 'Zero Suicide Society', one that is willing and able to do all it can to prevent all preventable suicides.?

Steve Phillip is a former training consultant and business owner, turned suicide prevention advocate, following the death of his son, Jordan, to suicide in December 2019. The Jordan Legacy CIC's mission is to move towards a 'Zero Suicide Society', one that is willing and able to do all it can to prevent all preventable suicides: https://thejordanlegacy.com/