Why So Many People Suck at Networking and 3 Ways to Instantly Get Better

If you've been to more than five networking events, you've no doubt had at least one you didn't enjoy. That feeling probably wasn't a result of the food, venue, or beverage service...it was the people in the room.

IT'S NOT THEIR FAULT

Most people have never gone through a class on networking., let alone several courses on it. So, lacking lot of trial and error, strong powers of observation, or someone providing them feedback, we should expect people aren't going to be at their highest potential.

Let's chat about the networking primer most people get-

A well-meaning person, often times a sales manager or whomever is responsible for business growth says:

"You should go to a networking event. Be sure to bring plenty of cards. Keep track of the people you talk to so you can build your pipeline."

I said well-meaning, but this doesn't mean that approach will end well.

It's backwards thinking from the get-go.

Sure, it's important to know what you want to get from any networking event you attend, but if that is your primary focus, you're not going to get much of anything.

A better approach is to take stock in what you can give to others.

Giving starts a cycle of reciprocity and generosity that neither your network, nor the universe will ignore. It doesn't matter if you've been in the business for 7 days or 37 years, you have a lot to offer...some of you just may need to be a bit more creative in your thinking about it.

GIVING IS MADE BETTER IF IT'S SOMETHING THEY ACTUALLY WISH TO RECEIVE

I've been in some structured networking groups where members were required to give a certain amount of leads every month. It should come as no surprise that some of those were among the worst leads I've ever received in my 28 years of networking.

Here are a few practical tips I can offer to get you better at giving (which leads to the getting):

Be in the habit of being interested before worrying about being interesting. Fun fact, people will find you FAR more interesting, if you're talking about them.

Get better at asking questions so you can lead a more interesting conversation. Once you've seen the value of being interested, you're going to want to dive in a little deeper. And that starts by asking the right questions AND actually listening to the answers. Improving these two skills will pay dividends in all aspects of your life.

AFTER YOU

One of my favorite practices while attending events, or pretty much every conversation is called "after you". The idea is simple, let people talk. Ask them questions you can relate to and ask more questions.

It's a very telling exercise for a few reasons:

1. You'll get a really good idea of who they are, what they're about, and who they may know.
2. This information allows you to be more relatable to them (hint: we like people who we perceive are like us) as well as specific in your ASK when it's your turn to share with them.
3. And here's the beauty, if they're the type of person who doesn't afford you the same courtesy you extended them, then you know you don't have to spend too much more time on that relationship. Wouldn't NOW be the right time to find that out instead of months down the road? I told you this works in all kinds of scenarios.

YOU GOTTA SHOW UP

I want to go back to our sales manager friend from earlier for a moment. One thing they did was right...they told the person to go.

In my world, the number 1 rule for networking is SHOW UP! Well, now it's show up and be present...no fun networking with a bunch of people burying their faces in their phones.

You've no doubt heard the phrase "All things being equal, people do business with people they know, like, and trust".

I can assure you; you'll never build Like and Trust without Know*

People can't get to know you if you're not there. And YES! Showing up to online networking events still counts as showing up.

IN SUMMARY

Show up.

Be interested in others.

Let them go first (unless you both read this article).

Ask better questions and actually listen to the answers.

And while this article didn't mention this specifically, ALWAYS be willing to make the right introductions for people!

Want some more?

Read this article entitled 10 Ways to Suck Less at Networking.

I've finally launched my first comprehensive course on networking...

There's about 97 other things I'm going to be sharing on this topic in my Networking Mastery course that kicks off on 3/13/24. It's going to be a complete game changer that teaches you specifically and directly how to leverage this all the skills that proficient networkers use. There's a VERY special offer right now for "Fast Actors", and that ends at midnight on 2/29/24. All the details are HERE .

ABOUT Terry Bean

I've been training people to network more effectively since 1998 as an area director for five chapters in a group. That experience coupled with networking with 100s of people around the world on LinkedIn in 2004-2005 led to the creation of Motor City Connect...a group that numbers in the thousands and hosted 100s of meetings over 15 years. I've sat through well over 1,000 networking meetings, connected with way more people online, and have observed them all. What I share is based on very real experiences over the past 2.5 decades. Sought after speaker, corporate trainer, and executive coach to some.