Why are there so many jerks?!

The world is so frustrating! People are constantly being jerks by butting in line, cutting you off in traffic, giving you dirty looks, using that tone of voice you HATE, and NEVER RESPONDING TO EMAILS ON TIME!!!!!!!!! What is with these people?!?!

Now don’t bite my head off,?but are you 100% sure that the problem is them?

Our perception of the world can be skewed by so many things: our age, how tired we are, our current mood, our cultural values, and even how hungry we are.?This study?shows that judges, who are meant to be impartial, are much less likely to give a favourable parole decision right before a meal break than at the beginning of a session (65% favourable to almost 0%!). Just because a judge is peckish could mean the difference between leaving prison or not.

So how can we be sure that our perceptions are mapping accurately onto reality?

By checking them.

This simple technique, known as Perception Checking, can help us from making decisions or getting frustrated based on faulty perceptions.

So how does it work?

First, offer a description of the?BEHAVIOUR?you noticed.

Second, offer two or more possible?INTERPRETATIONS?of the behaviour (be generous).

Third, request?CLARIFICATION?about your interpretation.

For example, you notice a colleague on their phone during your presentation. Instead of jumping to the conclusion that they are the scum of the earth for not giving you their attention and fantasizing about a cruel and unusual punishment, try perception checking:

“Hey, I noticed you were on your phone during my presentation (behaviour). Was the presentation not engaging (interpretation) or was there an important message you were waiting for (interpretation)? What was going on (clarification)?”

You might discover that your colleague has a loved one getting out of surgery, or that a child is home sick. With this information, do you feel as frustrated? Or can you sympathize with this person and maybe even offer support?

Many of these communication errors happen inside our own heads.?Instead of assuming that our view of things is unquestionable, take a second to double-check you have all the facts. Perception Checking makes it easy by dealing with the actions of the person (objective) and not what you imagine is going on in their head (subjective).?This keeps you from jumping to conclusions and the other person from feeling attacked.

So the next time you feel frustration kicking in because someone is being a jerk, take a moment to check those perceptions to ensure that the jerk is not in fact you.