Why Is It So Hard To Work With Those Who Are Different?

Difference comes in many shapes and forms.

There are some differences that are immediately obvious. For instance, if you are a man or a woman. Or if you are in your 20s or 40s. Or your ethnic heritage.

Then there are many many others that take a bit longer to realise. For instance whether you are an artist or an engineer. Or whether you are liberal or conservative. Or whether you grew up in a home that valued education, or one that valued wealth.

The number of dimensions on which we can 'be different' are as many as you like. We could go on till we realise that there is no one like us (true). Or at the other end, that at a deeper level we all share a common humanity (also true).

So here's something we say often at Unqbe --

Being able to 'Work with Difference' is a key future-ready skill.

The WHY is actually simple.

Collaboration Among People Who are Different Builds Innovation.

Teams that are diverse outperform homogenous teams consistently.

A 2015 study by McKinsey of 366 companies found that those in the top quartile for ethnic and racial diversity in management were 35% more likely to have financial returns above their industry mean, and those in the top quartile for gender diversity were 15% more likely to have returns above the industry mean.

And this is not all.

There is significant research that shows that o almost all parameters: non-homogeneous teams perform better.

Why? Because working with people who think differently (from you) forces you to think deeper. Assumptions that would never have been challenged, are now up for conversation.         

When you are coming at a problem from different points of view, you are forced to pay more attention to data and facts. And then you tend to use data more effectively. Think deeper. And in the end be more innovative.

The result--the solutions that you develop are likely to be higher quality than those that more homogeneous teams develop.

As a result, organisations that are able to weave in greater diversity, tend to be more financially successful than those that do not.

All our DEI dimensions are in the end just proxies for underlying differences in experiencing the world.

Working with difference makes us smarter, gives us better innovation and better financial outcomes.

Plus in a future where speed to change and innovation are the critical differentiators, our ability to "work with difference" makes the difference between those who thrive, and those who struggle.

And Yet... It Is Still Hard To Work With Difference

Despite knowing this intellectually, we may find it incredibly hard to actually enjoy working through difference.

And I don't think that's because we are just misguided.

Our evolutionary psychology has had a role to play. Oh man!

Evolutionary tendencies require SO MUCH consciousness to transcend.

I. Homophily:

Ever heard the saying "birds of a feather flock together".

Homophily is our preference to associate with people who are just like us. Just as "birds of a feather flock together", we gravitate towards people who are "like us". This could include which part of the world (or even country) we belong to, our age, how similar our education is, who we vote for etc.

Through our evolution. our ancestors may have realised that their DNA was more likely to survive if they closely aligned with others who shared similar DNA. Human communities have through-out our evolutionary history preferred strong protective in-groups, and excluded 'others' who 'were not like us'.

In fact, Homophily is not limited to humans. It is widely found in different animal species (see the below excerpt)

Even though in today's world, it is to our advantage to work with people who are different, this in fact runs counter to thousands of years of instinct--that prefers associating with people 'just like us'.        

This is the reason why interviewers tend to recruit candidates who seem to be 'like them'. Have you ever wondered about the composition of the panel of recruiters you send on campus?

You should.

Chances are they will select candidates who are like them.

They will not do so consciously.

They will just like them better.

A misplaced adaptation in our world today.

II. Working Through Difference Is Effortful

The research I quoted at the start of the article focused on how humans become smarter when we learn how to work through difference.

Yet hidden within this is an effortful process.

When we talk to/ associate with/ people who are just like us, getting things done is easy. We have so many shared assumptions about the world that conversation flows smoothly. We immediately know where the other is coming from and can immediately grasp that and move on.

As the HBR article suggests, when we do not have too many shared experiences and assumptions about the world, we have to think deeper, work our way up from data and facts, and be far more skilled at working with different ideas to come up with something workable and innovative.

Working with diversity also forces us to become more cognitively agile. We are forced to see the same idea through different cultural lenses. And to become empathetic.        

And while all this makes us smarter.

It is also--well effortful.

I have some personal experience with this.

In a previous role, I managed a team from several different countries ranging from the US, UK, Ireland to Russia and Romania. Throw in a few Asian countries like India and Philippines. And one thing was guaranteed--I would need to work extra extra hard to develop a shared understanding around anything I needed to do.

Each country leader had such different assumptions about work, and the world in general. To understand where they were coming from and then be able to communicate to be heard was its own art form.

I remember, at the end of each meeting, knowing that unless I have separate one on ones which with each of my team, the only thing guaranteed was that nothing was going to move ahead.

We don't often speak about this effort. We act 'as if' it should be easy and simple. And then are surprised when it isn't.

III. Pride and Prejudice

And finally, the most basic of them all.

Our pride in being 'Us' and our prejudice against those who are NOT 'Us".

We feel a lot of pride (and even pride in that pride) in being "Us". National pride, Alma mater pride, professional pride... the list is endless.

Almost every human community, believes that they are better in some way than those who are not them.

What drives this near universal 'pride' and 'prejudice'?

Social Identity theory is a great explainer.

Social Identity: The parts of us defined by the groups that we belong to.

The logic is almost childlike in its simplicity.

We like our self esteem to be high. We like to think well of ourselves. And therefore we want to think highly of the groups we belong to.         

Known as the 'social identity' theory in psychology. It speaks about the sense of belongingness that humans get from being connected with a group.

Any group.

Even a random, meaningless group. (Watch this video if you are even slightly curious).

In fact research by Henry Tajfel showed that even when people are assigned to random groups, they will still favor their in-group over the out-group. (See the video below for more)

Social bias is not just about outright disdain for others. Not at all. For the most part it operates way more 'delicately'.

For instance, even if we feel guilty about prejudice, we are much more likely to help those who are 'like us'.

Social Identity Theory and the In-group and Out-group effect

So while being able to 'work with difference' is 100% a future-ready skill.

It is harder than it seems.

Our evolutionary history nudges us towards people who are just like us. Our desire for cognitive and interpersonal ease pulls us towards people with a similar world view.

Our desire to belong to a group. Any group.

Fuels our pride. And our prejudice.

Yet, we also know that the biggest rewards lie for those who can transcend some of these powerful pulls.

We can become smarter.

We can build better products.

We can be more creative.

We can build win-win collaborations.

We can practice the cognitive agility, future-readiness so requires.

We can build products and services for customers who are different from us.

We can lead diverse teams, which in turn will lead to better outcomes.

The true test of future-ready leadership lies in our ability to go beyond our often unconscious preferences, and move rather consciously towards skillsets of the future.

About Unqbe's Work:

Unqbe, and my partner Papiya Banerjee , work with leadership teams to identify competencies that are specifically oriented to a fast changing world.

We do all the things an OD consulting company would do, but with a lens on being "future-ready".

We also,

--enable and build future leaders

--enable 'future-ready' organisational cultures

--build future oriented people practices

We work with organisations from a wide range of industries. And a wide variety of sizes.

DM us if you would like to find out more here: https://www.dhirubhai.net/in/shalal/

Even if you are just curious, we would love to talk to you and introduce our work to you.

(About me: I lead Unqbe, a think-tank and advisory firm around building future organisations, and building future careers. We track change through commissioned and primary research. We help leadership teams build the new workplace through a culture that supports change and people practices for the future.)