Why is it so hard when it's so fun?

I am fully aware that I can write as well as speak, and that I am actually quite good at getting across what I say in writing and speaking. However, every now and then, when I'm about to start writing something, I'm overcome by a wave of thoughts that I won't be able to get anything sensible out of me. Sometimes the mental resistance becomes almost compact and I have to leave the computer and hope for better luck at another time. Other times I manage to stay in my self-doubt. I accept it and leave it, while I put my fingers to the keyboard and decide to start writing anyway, just a few first words to get started. Before I know it, the troubling thoughts are gone and the words flow effortlessly from my fingers and I just enjoy it.

I regularly experience the same thing when I have to give a talk. There are times when, just before I'm about to go up on stage, I begin to waver in my belief that I'm going to be able to say something interesting, which causes quite a bit of anxiety and reluctance to actually go up on stage. However, it's usually easier to leave the computer than an audience sitting and waiting, so I haven't taken flight yet. Almost every time I have started to speak, the self-doubt has subsided and the words flow as freely from my mouth as they do from my fingers when I write. The pleasure is just as great.

In fact, I think both writing and speaking are so much fun. When I read theories about 'flow' and intrinsic motivation, I realised that what I often experience when I write and speak to a group is similar or reminiscent of this. I lose time and space and experience such a wonderful emotional bomb of total concentration, joy, excitement, pride and commitment. Yet, as I said, the resistance can often be quite massive just before I am about to do these things that I love to do. It's something of a mental paradox, certainly interesting, but I'm not going to analyse myself and my psyche any further in public, at least not in this post.

However, I have found that I am not the only one to be overwhelmed by difficult thoughts about doing things that I basically enjoy and want to do. For many years I have been working as a sports psychologist, and when I talk to athletes and leaders, I often hear that they experience similar phenomena to me before competitions and matches. No matter how much they love to do what they do and to compete and measure themselves against their opponents, they are sometimes affected by difficult thoughts and feelings about it, such as performance anxiety, self-doubt and reluctance.

As experiential beings, humans are not only at one with their surroundings, but also engage in internal thought processes and fantasies about their experiences. Not only do we formulate thoughts about what is happening, but we also think about what has been and what has not yet happened. These are undoubtedly wonderful abilities that make human beings what they are, but therein lies part of the problem. Sometimes, if not often, we simply think too much and take our thoughts too seriously. We forget that they are just thoughts, or fantasies in our heads, which are far from perfect representations of what is happening here and now, what has happened and what will happen.

It is better to remind ourselves that they are just internal constructions of reality, full of flaws and imperfections that coexist with reality but are not the same as reality, however real they may seem. Instead of looking at life through our mental constructions, we should look at them as if they were projected on a film screen, trying to look at them from the outside rather than from the inside. We should not try to fight them or run away from them, but rather register them, recognise them and accept them, and then do what we really want to do and know we can do, whether it is putting our fingers to the keyboard, speaking on stage, taking a penalty kick or having a difficult conversation. Somehow, magically, the difficult thoughts often lose some of the power they have over us and we can write, speak and perform alongside our thoughts rather than through our thoughts.

I initially felt quite strong resistance to writing this post. Instead of letting my thoughts take over, I looked at them and even projected them into text, which made it even easier to look at them rather than just through them. Now that you have been able to read them, I hope you will find them interesting and perhaps even helpful. Have a great week!

Stefan

If you are interested in the books I have written in English, look here.