Why is it so hard to find love these days?

Love, it’s never been more accessible, but why is it just as hard to find as it’s ever been?

Focus

Let’s start with where you’re head’s at. When you think that you’re thinking about love, are you actually thinking of looking as good as you can so you can attract an attractive mate? Are you maybe thinking about how badly you want kids? Are you longing to have the pinnacle of #relationshipgoals Instagram pages? Are you thinking about the fact that you’re not getting any younger and how you’re more jiggly than firm these days? Are you thinking of how sad your grandma would be if she were to pass away without seeing you get married? Are you looking at the couple next door and their two perfect kids while wondering if that’ll ever be you?

Maybe. Maybe not. But if you are thinking of even one of those or something like it you’re not focused on love. In fact, you’re focussed on anything but love and maybe even the opposite of love.

If you want love, you have to focus on love. You may not even know how to do this, your idea of love might be so heavily wrapped up in one of the above notions that you wouldn’t even know where to start.

If so, it’s time to do something terrifying. It’s time to be honest with yourself about the stories you create around love so that you can deconstruct those walls and get to the core of real, unfiltered love.

I hate cliches ?? but I love love???

Okay so here goes. If you don’t love yourself then who the heck else is gonna?

After swallowing my own vomit, I still believe that old adage to be one worthy of inclusion.

Do you want real love or is fake love okay with you? Fake lips, fake boobs, fake hair, fake nails, fake tan, fake butt, fake nose, fake cheeks, fake eye colour and hey, why don’t we just throw fake personality and fake friends in while we’re at it?

Grossed out yet?

The real question is DO YOU ACTUALLY LOVE YOURSELF? Or when you look in the mirror do you see things that need changing? If you do, then it’s not all bad, I mean, we could all use a little improvement. But if that improvement comes about artificially then hold up, that’s not love you’re seeking.

If you don’t love yourself, wait no, if you don’t even like yourself a little, then how TF is anyone going to love you?

Be honest with yourself, learn to love yourself the way you are, and work hard to improve the things you want to improve so that when you’re ready to show up for real love, you’re the realest and most authentic version of yourself, not the version that needs to hide behind artificial bells and whistles.

WTF would I know about?love?

After falling in love at least three times in my life, I consider myself to be quite the expert lol.

But no, in seriousness, what if I told you that love was lying next to me right now? Breathing kinda heavy after a big day of research and setting up her new life, being my number one fan and proofreading my sh*tty articles. One leg cocked out of the bed and I’m pretty sure she just let one rip. She hogs more than half of the bed every night but I love her just the way she is.

She is wonderful and in spite of her imperfections, she’s my best friend and I love her. And upon further reflection, it’s her imperfections that make me love her even more. That kind of love my friends is so incredibly pure, yet so bereaved of pretence that in this day and age makes it, oh so hard to find.

My one piece of advice for those who seek?love

There are so many complicated theories out there, and more books and songs than could possibly be consumed in one lifetime. But the best piece of advice I ever came across was to let yourself be vulnerable. That way you’ll be far more likely to reveal your true magnificent self and love won’t have a hard time spotting the real you when it finally comes looking.

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My name is Lui Diaz; I’m a children’s author, illustrator, skateboarding teacher, and podcaster, not the kind of guy whose words you’d normally be reading. But if you’re looking for new perspectives and the odd laugh, you’re in the right place! Please subscribe here or find me on?Substack?or?Medium?for more lighthearted and evocative content :)