Why is it so hard to ask for help?

TL;DR

I have some asks from my network! Don't be surprised if I reach out over the coming weeks, and I also hope you will think seriously about how I can be of service to you.?

The Details

Last evening, with the Warriors on TV (tough loss) in the distant background, I spent a number of hours researching companies and updating my job search outreach spreadsheet. I have the opportunity right now to deeply explore what I want to do next, who I want to work with, and what business problems I want to help solve. As I tried to fall asleep last night, I kept thinking about how to ask for help; specifically, how to get comfortable with making asks of my network for help not only with potential job opportunities but also for conversations and connections.?

Tossing and turning in the wee hours of the morning while listening to rain pounding down . outside, my thoughts shifted to wondering how I can build my muscles around asking for help…and that led me into 4 am thoughts about authenticity and how to keep evolving the way that I authentically show up professionally and in the spaces that I inhabit. This then led me to think about writing something here, blending personal with professional, which is something new and different for me. So here we are.

A little over 3 weeks ago, I took a tumble while running downhill on a narrow strip of sidewalk. I slammed into ornamental rocks along the side of a yard. Fast forward to a trip to the ER, a broken left / non-dominant wrist, a splint going up over my elbow, and admonition from the doctor to not use my left hand at all. Since then, I have been accepting support from my family with all the basic life things needing two hands. I could probably write about lessons learned from physically slowing down for a beat- I am a significant work in progress in that area.

With me newly in the position of needing tangible physical support, my neurodivergent 15-year-old stepped up in ways that I couldn't have imagined prior. (Explaining my child's diagnoses is an entirely separate thread and definitely suited for a different platform.) My teenager’s differences include one that impacts their nervous system response to demands (you can look up PDA if that has piqued your interest). It has been fascinating for me to see that with roles flipped -where my teenager can be in charge of some of the things that I need- they have leaned in heavily and cheerfully, not only helping me personally and around the house but also anticipating some of my needs. When I worried about how I was going to have clean hair for an event the day after my fall, my teenager was the one who had the idea for me to get a blowout. Experiencing my teen’s pride in being able to problem solve and help me over the last few weeks has been incredible. It is a silver lining.?

This has led me to think more broadly about the positive impact of problem solving and helping others. It is well understood and documented that acts of service through volunteer work not only benefit the recipients but also has profound positive effects on the mental health and well-being of the volunteers themselves. Helping others is a powerful way to cultivate a sense of connection and purpose in one's life. Yet so many of us have trouble asking for help, even as we find so much joy, pride, and fulfillment when we are helping others.?

As I work on developing my “ask for help” muscles through my career exploration and search process, I will need to push the edges of my comfort zone. I expect to be asking people I haven't talked to for decades for introductions. I may reach out cold to people with certain expertise that I value to see if they will share time with me answering questions and pointing me to resources. This is deeply uncomfortable for me, yet it is something that I frequently give freely to those in and out of my network.?

I am putting this out here to prep you all that I may be asking for help, and also to ask you to think about how I can provide value to you. Maybe this opens you up to asking for and accepting help where you need it.

Leading with integrity and vulnerability, and living my values, is one of the ways that I authentically show up as a leader. Bringing people together in ways that provide real support and connection is one of those personal values, and I look forward to continuing this conversation.

For fun, this is me finding some joy and embracing the big splint after getting up from that fall (I pushed myself out of my comfort zone to embrace the 70’s themed school auction party). And yes, I needed help getting ready! Help that I accepted with (some) grace.