Why "No" is the Most Difficult Word to Say in India

Having moved from the United States over the years my biggest predicament in India has been understanding the meaning of yes or no in India. At the outset, it might just be two simple words but the effects they can have can put you on a path of perpetual uncertainty.?How many times all of us have been in a situation when we asked someone for a favour and the answer we got was yes sure, will try my best, give me some time to revert, all this and more excuses while there was never an intention to help or maybe the favour was beyond their reach. Personally, I would truly respect someone who would say no outright than to keep the other person's hope's up and let them down eventually. If my thoughts resonate with yours, then please share with others who feel the same way.

What does 'yes' really mean in India?

What does 'yes' really mean in India? It depends. It might really mean yes. It might also mean “I'm saying yes to satisfy your expectation” (but without committing to actually deliver on the expectation). More likely, it means, “I'm going to do my best, but there may be outside forces that I cannot control which will prevent me from succeeding.”

India sticks to this yes culture quite naturally. The Indian child, teenager and adult is reminded time and again that the most important goal in life is to establish harmony between yourself and the rest of the universe. Obviously, this is achieved more easily by staying on the yes side of life.

What does No really mean in India

? Postponing the answer by telling you they will get back to you without setting a specific time. This usually means ‘no’. The person is buying time because they are not comfortable saying no and you may or may not hear back.

? “I’ll do my best.” When someone from the U.S. says, “I’ll do my best to get that to you by Tuesday,” the person has told you it is their highest priority and they are going to make it happen. When someone from India this, it’s most likely not going to happen.

? “I’ll try my level best.”?Means wouldn’t bother

? “I’ll try.” Means no

? “Let me see what I can do to make that happen.” Most likely not going to happen.

? “I’ll get it to you in a day or two.” Without an exact date and time commitment, this still means no.

? “It might be possible later.” Don’t count on it.

? “I understand.” Means just that. The person understands but has not committed to anything.

? “Everything’s fine.” Ask for a meeting to review the deliverable that afternoon or the next morning.

? No response. Silence does not equal agreement.

? This last one totally cracks me up “I am currently travelling, will revert upon my return.”?It keeps you wondering what are cell phones for. It really means you would never hear from them.

Reasons for no in India?

Reason #1: I can do, but will the environment permit it?

Of course, the uncertainty related to infrastructure and processes can also lead an individual to be uncertain about outcomes. For instance, public transport, utilities like power, net connectivity etc. are not as robust in a developing country like India. So, how can a worker commit and say that she will indeed finish something on time or a deadline? So, a person includes in her response this uncertainty. "I will try", or let me look into it", "I will do my best"... type answers speak to this commitment to individual effort and lack of assurance to the potentially un-cooperative environment. So this too is yet another reason why Indians can't say NO so easily.

Reason #2: Save Face... it is disrespectful

In India where the systems are non-existent and infrastructure poor, people ask each other for and support. It shows goodwill to be cooperative and allow for such dependency. It is reciprocity at work. Just because a person is cooperative and assistive does not mean outcome is assured. So, in that sense, a YES is more likely to come out of the mouth of ... a NO would be detrimental to the relationship.

You'll find that superiors and subordinate workers follow hierarchical principles. To lead and to follow, to superordinate or to subordinate are seen to be normal, necessary and appropriate. The employee avoids contradicting his superior, as so neither of them to lose face.

If an instruction from the top is met with a compliant "yes" from the lower levels, a mutual dependence is formed. The employee's chance of advancement and self-worth become dependent his superior's goodwill. The superior, in exchange, makes her status and power of cooperation dependent the employee's subordination. Suggesting that there is indeed "no problem" is a good choice.

So people all over India have developed indirect ways of saying ‘no’ that can actually sound like ‘yes’ (especially to Westerners).?

Reason #3: Competition

There is always this fear that if I say NO, then somebody else will do it. Competition is stiff and somebody is always ready to grab my work... so this too prevents somebody from declining easily.?

Finally, I believe that one day, people in India will let go of their fear. It is not weakness that makes people afraid, it is fear that makes them weak. Once people realize they don't need to be afraid, they will have the courage to say no and to say a yes that really means, Yes!