Why Self-Help 'Doesn't Work'
In America alone, the self-help industry is worth over $10 billion per year. Yet, many of us have likely read a book, watched a video, or listened to a podcast and have seen little or no change in our lives. So what gives? Why does everything that makes so much sense at the time not translate into anything meaningful?
If you have a look around, there are endless explanations for why it doesn’t work. Let’s unpack some of the reasons that stick out to me and see if self-help is as useless as some make it out to be.
What is Self-Help?
Self-help is a broad category. Everything gets lumped into one bucket, but that does not make them equal. Forget about tarot cards, healing crystals, the supernatural, and pseudo-science.
Key Takeaway: Filter out the BS
A Lack of Causality
We are obsessed with knowing ‘why’. We think if we understand what causes a result, in the future we can produce similar results by acting the same way. Most of the time we infer “action and result” or “cause and effect” through observation. However, when used incorrectly, this can cause problems. Everyone has heard of “correlation does not equal causation”, but equally dangerous is when we can’t see the action that produces the result.
To draw an analogy, consider the fitness industry. When it's time for the new year’s resolutions to roll in, so do the new gym memberships. Take a guess how much money is wasted on unused memberships per year. If you guessed 10 digits+ (billions) you would be correct! Yet, no one is rushing to call exercise a scam. While some of this is likely due to its scientific validity, I would wager it’s largely because of what we attribute to success. When we see someone lean, muscular, and athletic, we understand that they must exercise to some degree. This is because we have come to learn that “exercise improves physique”, with exercise being the cause and physique being the effect.
On the other hand, when we look at a successful person, no one assumes that their journey began with self-help material. We say things like it must be because they are knowledgeable, hardworking, and disciplined - things that are all likely true, but what is missing is how they came to possess these qualities. We never assume their journey to success started with reading “Atomic Habits”.
Key Takeaway: To put it plainly, people are quick to call it a scam when someone tries self-help and it doesn’t work. But when it does work, we don’t give it the recognition it deserves.
Unrealistic Expectations
Let’s face it. Almost all of us would prefer to put in little effort to achieve great results. Content creators take advantage of this and create click-bait content like “Get 6-pack abs in 30 days!”, making us drool at the thought. Intellectually, many understand “if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is”, yet we still hold onto hope that we will find a shortcut that actually works. The harsh reality is, that they don’t exist. For 6-pack programs, those who are actually successful likely have the right combination of good genetics, lean starting weight, cardio/weightlifting regime, and are eating in a calorie deficit (in other words there are external factors at play).
Self-help is largely the same. We are sold on dreams of dramatic improvement by reading a book/article or watching a video. This may be good enough for some, but they are few and far between. However, there are enough of them to make it seem possible. After all, if they can, why can’t we?
Key Takeaway: Don’t set yourself up for failure before you have even started. Be realistic with your goals.
Aversion to Learning and the Illusion of Progress
When we are in school, the basic learning process goes like this:
Contrast this to how many adults approach learning. If you read a book on Roman history, how much of this do you actually retain? How confident would you be sitting a test on the last book you read?
It stands to reason that if we stop at the first step, our learning will be greatly diminished. But, we take it one step further. We tell ourselves that by virtue of reading a self-help book we are making progress. We associate the consumption of material with progress. We tell ourselves we are doing great. In essence, we lie - the truth is scary. Deep down we know the next steps. But if we can keep fooling ourselves, why bother? Reading/watching/listening becomes a form of procrastination in its own right. As long as the dopamine keeps coming, we have no motivation to change.
Key Takeaway: Learning how to learn may be the most important lesson in your life. Give it the attention it deserves.
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Bandaid Fixes
We all want more money right? We ‘know’ that money can’t buy happiness. So what do we want all this money for?
We’ve all heard it before, people around us saying “if only I had <more money/that car/that house> then I would be happy”. Yet, if they acquire it, suddenly it’s not enough. They are bandaid fixes. The happiness from these things will always be fleeting because they only represent a distraction from the underlying issues.
We do this because our brains are hyper focussed on reducing pain. In fact, we feel a loss twice as strongly as a gain. We subconsciously bury the truth, if we can avoid it we can avoid the pain that comes along with it. To fill the hole, we allow ourselves to believe that things like more money will solve all our problems. It’s much easier than facing reality.
Key Takeaway: Take extra time to reflect on what you are looking to fix. Treat the underlying problem, not just the symptoms. Don’t get caught in a wild goose chase.
No Passion No Results
How many times have you heard someone say they ‘want’ something, but have never seen them lift a finger to achieve it?
“I really want <to be rich, to be strong, to be famous, to lose weight>.”
The thing is, everyone ‘wants’ the same things. But it’s much easier to imagine your perfect life than to think about how you got there. For most of these fantasies to become reality, it takes a lot of time and effort. Drastic changes don’t happen on their own.
Stop about thinking about what you ‘want’ and focus on whether or not you enjoy the process that will get you there. If you don’t enjoy working, don’t like saving money and don’t like investing, in what world are you going to be rich?
Key Takeaway: Always think process over results. If you can’t enjoy the journey, forget about it.
Life Isn’t Linear
When we do something we like to think that we’ll get incrementally better or produce incremental results. Each hour of study is worth the same. But that’s not how the world works. You’ve probably experienced this many times in your life. You spend 10 hours trying to solve a problem and give up just to think of the solution in a matter of seconds. A tiny percentage of the time you spent on the problem produced all of the results.
While we tend to understand this concept, many still have trouble applying it to everyday life. This leads us to give up quickly when we don’t see the results we expected. Especially with things like ‘self-help’, you will often find your situation gets worse (maybe much worse) before it gets better.
Key Takeaway: Persistence will be rewarded. Don’t expect every day to be positive. Sometimes you need to take one step back before taking two steps forward.
In Summary
Like everything else in life, self-help doesn’t always work. But when done right, the possibilities are endless. Don’t allow the cynics to stop you from bettering yourself. If you believe that a better version of yourself exists, then you believe in ‘self-help’.
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Manager | Deloitte Australia
2 年So well written Eric and many statements resonate with the way I think. Great work. Keep writing! ??