Why is self-care so hard for women?

Aunt – Your uncle is out of town for 3 weeks. I haven’t cooked a proper meal for quite a while now.

Me : But why? You love cooking.

Aunt : Yes, but why should I put so much effort just for myself?

Honestly, my immediate reaction was that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. But then I got reminded of the times when I’ve done the same. Although, at that moment I genuinely believed that it was because I’m a couch-potato but now reflecting back, I don’t think that was all.?

Women are nurturers, care-givers, and by nature very compassionate and empathetic. But they have a hard time taking care of themselves and constantly feel guilty for sparing even a few minutes on self-care. But why is that? Even when we all know that if we don’t take care of ourselves, we won’t be able to take care of others.?

Most women have been raised to take care of others first which makes attending to your own needs a constant mental battle. This is also a fight against an age-old legacy. But to be the best version of yourself, you need to shift the focus from ‘everyone-else-care’ to ‘your-care’ on a regular basis and not when you reach a breaking point.

Women have this remarkable quality of taking care of everyone but themselves.

• Be it staying late in office to help a friend and missing the power nap you desperately wanted,?
• Cooking elaborate meals for your family on weekends and doing all the chores on your own, so that everyone can relax and have a good time, just to go to bed exhausted.

We’ve all been there.?Here are a few things that has worked for me –

1. You are not selfish?– There’s a constant pressure to be everywhere and do everything that listening to your own needs seems selfish. But if we want to be the best version of ourselves, it’s imperative that we take time out to do things that give us joy – be it binge watching, going to a spa, travelling etc. These little breaks are essential to rejuvenate and relax. Don’t be your own harshest critic and stop judging yourself all the time.
2. Start prioritising yourself?– One of the reasons the slip up happens is because we are never our top most priority. Take a stock of your time and filter out things that can wait. Learn to say no. I know, it is easier said than done. For me, blocking personal time in the calendar has prevented other things from getting in the way.
3. Take care of your mental and physical health. Covid has taught me not to take life and our time here for granted. Don’t suppress or ignore negative feelings (like anxiety, stress, grief etc.)?Take your time to process them. Keep a journal. Also, stop pushing yourself so hard that you actually get burnt out.

We all need to realize that it’s not a crime to take some rest in between the crazy schedule and to shower some love on ourselves the way they do it on others.

So, what small steps are you taking to put your own care at the top of your priority list??Start small and make it a part of your daily routine. Remember: You’re worth it!