Why seeking perfection instead of progress is hurting you

How many of you are perfectionists? Perfectionism might be negatively affecting your self-esteem and confidence levels. Does perfectionism cause you paralysis when you have to work on a task or make a decision? Do you avoid things because of fearing failure or mistakes??

I tell people that I'm a "recovering perfectionist" because my perfectionist tendencies unconsciously ran amok in my brain for decades, well into adulthood. When I finally realized that I could change my mindset, thought processes, and unproductive patterns, I started shifting to a "progress" approach. I try to be very conscious of the progress I'm making and focus on what I've learned or taken away from experiences and situations.?

Brené Brown has the most perfect quote on perfectionism:?

Perfectionism is armor.?

Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving for excellence and it's not about healthy achievement and growth. Perfectionism is a defensive move. It's the belief that if we do things perfectly and look perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame.?

Perfectionism is not the key to success. In fact, research shows that perfectionism hampers achievement. Perfectionism is correlated with depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis or missed opportunities. The fear of failing, making mistakes, not meeting people's expectations, and being criticized keeps us outside of the arena where healthy competition and striving unfolds.?

Perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around, thinking it will protect us, when in fact it's the thing that's really preventing us from being seen.?

Being a perfectionist is about pleasing others, approval seeking, being liked, fear of being unlovable and rejected, and resisting other difficult emotions.?

In the book "How to be an imperfectionist," Stephen Guise provides us with a wonderful visual of a floor & ceiling: the floor is the absolute minimum you need to be satisfied. The ceiling is the upper potential and you're wildest dreams. If you're living between your floor & ceiling, you're happy. Perfectionism is a problem because it makes perfection your floor and also your ceiling because perfectionism can't be surpassed. This is clearly a problem as it feels very stifling and constrictive. Perfectionist tendencies hold you back and they don't feel great either.?

Let's talk about how you could be hurting yourself by making excuses for times when you stumble, make a mistake, or fail. Do you find yourself blaming an outside or external source for this? Instead of accepting the stumbles and getting back up again? This is called self-handicapping where it's a protection mechanism to protect your sense of self-esteem and competence.

Areas of life where people self-handicap:?

???? business/career success (not going after promotions or new jobs, setting low expectations before beginning a task),?

???? romance (not investing in or pursuing relationships, being emotionally distant),?

????? social situations (finding reasons to avoid conversations, pretending not to care),?

???? personal appearance (not presenting your best self because you'll have an excuse if people reject a lesser version of you), and?

???? personal health (blaming an outside reason for not being able to exercise).?

How can you become a recovering perfectionist like me?

With lots and lots of self-reflection, awareness, mindset shifts, self-compassion, and leaning into the imperfections. When you commit to becoming an imperfectionist, you learn to celebrate the stumbles/mistakes/failures/rejections as wins. It takes time to build up your self-esteem and confidence to trust that you can navigate through the imperfections with ease. Want to give it a try? I'd love it if you joined me over here. It's a lot more fun! Let me know how your journey with being an imperfectionist goes.?

In today's fast-paced, rapidly evolving business landscape, effective leadership development is non-negotiable. Some things demand a subject matter expert; leadership development is one of them. That's where Amber comes in. As a seasoned expert in leadership development, she specializes in guiding people and organizations through the challenges of change and equipping leaders with the skills they need to thrive in an ever-changing environment.