Why Rihanna deserves to take a bow

CAUGHT OUR EYE

Reading for the school pick-up line.

I’m good, thanks

Oh the workaholic badge of honor. It used to sit so proudly on our trophy shelf next to our bottomless coffee mug and oversized bottle of antacids. Thankfully that badge is collecting dust for many women (us included), but it can be so damn hard to stand firm in your commitment to boundaries when you’re working with someone addicted to work. Jen Fisher , chief well-being officer at Deloitte and bestselling author of Work Better Together, says you don’t have to take their lead. Instead …?

1. Depersonalize their actions – it’s not likely about you. maybe they’re going through something, or overcompensating for an insecurity you’re unaware of.
2. Avoid glorifying their behavior – complimenting their sacrifice only reinforces an unhealthy mentality. ?Guilty of this!
3. Resist the peer pressure – having a healthy relationship with work is not lazy or irresponsible. ?Be the change.?
4. Set boundaries – explain what’s realistic and what’s not for you. “Sorry, I can’t make the 6 p.m. bored, I mean board meeting on Friday.”

What if there’s no such thing …?

Help books, leadership conferences, hell, even some of our podcasts, are flooded with “fixes” for overcoming imposter syndrome – a term that was coined by two psychologists in 1978 during a study on high-achieving women. But as this Harvard Business Review article explains, “Imposter syndrome took a fairly universal feeling of discomfort, second-guessing, and mild anxiety in the workplace and pathologized it, especially for women.”?

Imposter syndrome places the blame on the women at work instead of fixing the places where women work. Women aren't’ “suffering,” we're looking for systems that support us. And for women of color, these feelings of self-doubt can be even more pronounced. The article goes on to explain, “Half of the women of color surveyed by Working Mother Media plan to leave their jobs in the next two years, citing feelings of marginalization or disillusionment.” Exclusion that exacerbated self-doubt also was a key reason for many women to transition to entrepreneurship. We feel VERY seen.

Cultures for women and people of color that address systemic bias and racism along with coaching to channel health self-doubt into positive motivation are the cures that can stop this misdiagnosis.?

Quote we’re crushing on this week:

“But when you become a mom, there’s something that just happens where you feel like you can take on the world. You can do anything, and the Super Bowl is one of the biggest stages in the world. So, as scary as that was ... there’s something exhilarating about the challenge of it all, and it’s important for me to do this this year. It’s important for representation. It’s important for my son to see that.” Rihanna on saying yes to the Super Bowl halftime show.

THIS WEEK’S EPISODE: Finding Freedom Postpartum?

What we’re currently chatting about on Working Mom Hour.

Your body is talking to you. And listening to it can help you find peace in postpartum. In episode 48, we speak with postpartum coach Lizzie Langston who gives us a clear timeline of the postpartum journey, shows us how to clear trauma (maybe even in your nipples?!) and leaves us with some in-the-moment grounding exercises and mantras to live by.?

Show bombs:?

(2:52) “Women are not textbooks … once you have a baby, you are forever in a postpartum state … the transition continues and morphs throughout the years.”?

(5:46) “So I think I have a lot of trauma stored up in my nipples.”

(14:40) “I made a deal with the universe, and I was like listen, if you get me through this, if you show me the way to heal, I will dedicate my life to helping postpartum women. No one should have to feel this lost.”?

ON OUR MINDS

Be present and breathe.

A podcast guest reminded us to do both, and it’s made a world of difference in the rest of my week. How much of our time is spent stressing about past and future noise that is completely out of our control?

And while we are worrying, we forget to breathe. Her simple advice has stuck with me, especially when my anxiety kicks in and my imagination takes me to catastrophic places. I’ll focus on what is happening right now, at this moment. And then take a big, deep breath. It almost always helps.

As Mads will tell you, “Life only happens in the present.” Stay tuned for the episode with this lovely guest dropping in the coming weeks! ~ Erica Mechlinski ?

The power of awareness.?

So often on my journey to finding more joy in all that I am and do, all roads point back to awareness. What is lighting me up? What is dragging me down? I’m frustrated about something…how often is it crossing my mind?

Life continues to serve up lessons until we learn them. For me, lessons are learned on 10 minute walks and making space to journal. How do you learn yours? ~ Madeline Caldwell

Have you written yourself a Valentine’s Day card yet?

You should. It’s not too late. A good place to start??

Pepper , an amazing bra company, pulled together a list of compliments that are non-appearance based, like “I always learn something new from you.” “I love your outlook on life.” “Your confidence inspires me.” Write down a few for yourself, and then keep going!

And, buy yourself the on-sale candy while you’re at it.?~ Marla Rose Clendenin

See you next week!?

P.S. Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode, and kindly review the podcast on Apple Podcasts so we can reach more working moms. We always want to hear your thoughts, concerns, questions or guest suggestions – email [email protected].?

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