Why resilience is a heroic struggle not a bounce.

I posted this view on resilience at the beginning of 2020 with the difficulties of the Australian bush fire season in mind and blissfully unaware that the ravages of Covid 19 were about to unfold. 

This year has been an incredibly challenging year for most of us and our resilience has been tested to some considerable degree . However , not as generally described as our ability to bounce back from setbacks and failures, but more as just a daily struggle to survive the relentless stress, pressure and resistance of lockdowns and uncertainty. 

Resilience is an important foundation stone of the Mental toughness MTQ 4C’s framework and I think these insights and practical strategies by Meg Jay, clinical psychologist and Associate Professor of Education at the University of Virginia, are a valuable guide to survival and slow and constant progress to a better situation and state of mind.

She challenges  the notion of ‘bouncing back’ from adversity. “People do not feel understood when someone says, ‘Wow, you really bounced back from that.’ They don’t feel seen in all of their complexity, in terms of how hard it can be,’” she says. Instead, Jay likes to describe resilience as a heroic struggle. “It’s really a battle, not a bounce,” she says — “an ongoing process that can last for years”.

She continues with some valuable advice for those involved in the battle and I have produced my Top 5 takeaways from her work;

• First, recognise that your struggle is valid, no matter what you’re struggling with.

     Don’t be ashamed of what makes you stressed. “A lot of people say, ‘Well, I wasn’t in a war…’ They have to learn what the most common adversities are and see those as being legitimate chronic stressors.”

• Then realise the ways you’re already resilient.

   You may or may not have alcoholism or drug abuse in your home, but I’m guessing you’ve been through something. Think about, ‘what were the three toughest times in my life? How did I get through those things?’ You probably already know something about being resilient.

• Don’t wait for the situation to fix itself.

  Resilient people tend to be active copers. They say, ‘What am I going to do about this?’ versus, ‘When will I be released from this?’ It may not be solved overnight, but every problem can be approached somehow.

• Know your strengths and use them.

           In general, resilient people tend to use the strengths they have. For different people, those are different. Some people have a great personality. For other people, it’s smarts or some sort of talent or a real work ethic. They use that to grab onto, to get through whatever’s in front of them

• Find your favourite way to take a mental break.

   Many people use fantasy or books, or dive into their hobbies, or hang out with their friends to take a mental break from a situation that they cannot solve overnight. You may not be able to fix that problem, but you can  protect yourself from feeling overwhelmed by it. As an adult, you can do the same: read a book, pick up your Frisbee, hang out with your friends, turn off the news alerts on your phone. 

There’s a lot in the world right now that feels overwhelming. Resilient [people] fight back where they can, but they also learn to take a mental break.

For more from Jay view her article and related Facebook video ;

https://ideas.ted.com/8-tips-to-help-you-become-more-resilient/

 To learn more on mental toughness contact Mental Toughness Partners

Paul Lyons is an experienced CEO who coaches leaders to improve their performance and wellbeing by developing their mental toughness. 

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