Why relationships end
Kristi Hiller
Life Coach for Men | I stand for, encourage and support men’s growth & evolution.
Well hello there,
Endings of any nature hurt. In this message, I am speaking of romantic ones. There are phases of grief we must lean into to get to the other side of feeling good again.
What’s helped me is looking at the situation less personally. Neither person is bad or not good enough. We must dig deeper than that. Dynamics that don’t heal or get better is due to many factors. Often it is a lack of skill, desire, ability, vulnerability, fit or nourishment.
There is no perfect person, but someone can be(come) perfect for you! This takes willingness (desire) combined with ability (skills). According to John Wineland, relationships end for a few reasons:
- You are looking for something the other couldn’t provide
- Unexamined childhood wounds
- Needs not getting met
- Not a deep enough exchange of value
If you are struggling in a relationship right now, I understand. I struggle too. It can be a confusing time to make sense of why and what to do about it. Have you been the best version of yourself? Is this person just not a good fit? Do you stay or do you go?
If this resonates with you and you want to learn more, I’ll be expanding on this over the next little while. The human condition and our relational dynamics continue to fascinate me and I will try to share it with you as easily as I can. I hope you find it interesting.
I believe it’s in your best interest to understand your own dynamic, desires and ability to unravel what is showing up in your life. You can’t possibly understand another, without first learning more about yourself.
My own personal journey has taught me that when I ‘contract out’ what feels missing, to someone else, my own well being suffers. We must tend to our own hearts first. And to understand that what is being shown to us is necessary for a greater understanding of ourselves.
In John’s words, let’s first realize that our fantasy partner does not exist. You have to work through your issues.
That being said, you don’t have to do anything. But if you want a delicious experience in relationship, we all have work to do. We can do this in partnership or on our own. But once in partnership, your shit will come up. There’s a hint for ya. ??
All my love,
K ??