Why Real Change is so Hard

If you recently received a promotion to a leadership position, you may be realizing that you need to improve your delegation skills. Maybe you're the CEO, and you're aware that people dislike your "big and in charge" communication style. Perhaps you are a senior executive who has received criticism in reviews over the past few years for not speaking up enough in meetings with your peers.

If you're like the majority of the leaders I work with, you've genuinely committed to changing: you've taken part in training sessions, bought books, created improvement plans, and established accountability standards. You might be able to influence things to change for a short while, but eventually, you revert to your old patterns of interaction, productivity, and thought.

What is happening here? Is there a willpower deficit? Do you have a permanent fundamental flaw that needs to be addressed?

Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey , researchers at Harvard University, set out to solve this puzzle. They cite a study that showed that only one in seven heart patients would successfully change their habits after hearing from their doctors that they would die if they didn't.

Kegan and Lahey came to the conclusion that motivation and desire alone can't be sufficient to change the status quo if change is difficult for people to achieve even when faced with life or death situations.?

Read about the fascinating “Change or Die” study here.?

They started to wonder what the motivations were for each of our ingrained habits and preconceived notions. Kegan and Lahey looked to see what good purpose any particular habit might actually be serving rather than dismissing it as "bad."

You must have a very good excuse if you continue your tendency to take charge and handle things on your own despite knowing that you are close to burnout and genuinely want to be a better delegator.

Perhaps you are worried that chaos will break out. It's possible that you were raised in a society where giving work to others is indicative of laziness. Perhaps your sense of self-worth is entwined with your reputation as a brilliant creator of outstanding work.

Kegan and Lahey found that each of our habits is supported by a deeply held belief that both keeps us in our routine and resists any change that might jeopardize the status quo.

Kegan and Lahey compare this resistance to a finely tuned immune system because it is so potent, so adaptive, and so systemic.

These beliefs can be found in mindsets such as:?

“I'm going to be very invested in defending my opinions and being right if I fundamentally believe that my value comes from being an expert. At all costs, I will defend my status as an expert.”

“What I consider to be my core value will actually be compromised by listening and accepting influence. I'll think that no amount of time spent honing my skills will enable me to become a better listener. “

“The ingrained conviction that my value is found in my expertise is stronger than even a strong desire and motivation to become a better leader.”

Real and long-lasting improvement cannot be achieved until the Immunity to Change that we face is overcome.?

Just like the immune system in the body, the psychological immune system will protect you from endangering your sense of self or your perceived self-worth.?

This is why change is so hard because most of us don’t understand the underlying reasons why we engaged in the “problem” behavior in the first place.?

The Immunity to Change process employs a map that allows you to uncover these underlying obstacles and self-sabotage tendencies.?

If you would like to try it for yourself, I will link a version of the map here:?

Immunity to Change Map

Just note that this process isn’t easy. Fast change is usually cheap change, and real change is hard. Typically, this process is done with the aid of a coach to facilitate the map and change process.?

With this said, I’m a big believer that we can make significant improvements with even small mindset shifts. Try out the map and see if you can identify any immunity to change obstacles in your change process.