Why praising students for "straight A's" is sending the wrong message.

I lost it.

When I saw this title on so many articles circulating on social media and e-newspapers, I lost it.

"National Student Exams 2023: Filippos Fouras achieved the absolute 20/20!"

Let me give you some context.

A few weeks ago, it was the announcement of the results of the national entrance exams in Greece. To help you understand how big and serious this moment is, keep in mind that the final grade of this series of exams determines whether or not a student is accepted at their desired college.

Having gone through the same process myself 2,5 decades ago, I can tell you for sure that the moment of this announcement is the coveted conclusion of 3 agonising years of preparation for these exams, of memorising of thousands of book pages, of extra private tutoring lessons, of sleepless nights, #stress, loneliness, confusion and lots of uncertainty about whether the exams will be similar to the preparation we have done or we will be taken aback completely in the view of the exam questions.

Nothing like what you had wished to go through as a teenager.

To give you an idea of the pressure of these years, when a decade later I watched a documentary comparing the educational system in Greece with the one in Finland, I burst into tears. That was my moment of grief and frustration for the valuable years of my adolescence I irrevocably lost, while students in Finland were having a healthy and balanced time as teenagers.

So when scrolling through social media the other day, I saw multiple times an article with this title:

"National Student Exams 2023: Filippos Fouras achieved the absolute 20/20!"

Why I lost it:

It's no secret to anyone that these years of preparation are a psychological torture for many students.

And yet, there is so little talk about that.

Instead, society keeps praising the "straight A's" and the "20/20", and sends the subconscious message that:

"Your accolades and your trophies are more important than your mental and physical health.

Keep pushing yourself to the edge, even though there is no system, no infrastructure, no support for you when you reach there.

Keep making us proud, so that we feel better as teachers and parents, while you are losing yourself."

The toxic message of #perfectionism is all around us from the moment we are born: at school, in the news, at family dinners, everywhere.

Everyone is talking about the Perfect Student, and no one mentions the price this student pays, or, even worse, the effort and all the emotional and mental overwhelm of all the other (not so perfect) students.

So, instead of this invalidating and dangerous articles, I would prefer to read more about how Filippos experienced this journey to success.

Let's talk about the elephant in the room:

• How is his mental health now & how was it affected during the difficult times of pressure and stress?
• When he says "sacrifices he went through", how many years of his childhood & teenage carelessness did he sacrifice to achieve this feat?
• How much of his sleeping time (essential for a healthy brain) did he sacrificed and how much did he strain his body?
• How safe did he feel at school and in his family when everyone told him to "try harder"?
• How many friendships did he put aside in order to spend as much time as possible studying (in isolation)?
• How many times did he burst into tears or rage because of fear of failure and not being #goodenough?
• Was he ever able to share his #fears and anxieties or did he keep them to himself so as not to worry those around him and fear that he would give up?
• How aware is he of his academic choices and to what extent are they his own choices based on his own values and not those of the people around him or society, pressuring him to find the #perfect job now?
• How did school, his friends, his parents support him when he experienced failures, mistakes, or difficulties? With empathy or disappointment and with even more pressure?
• Looking back what is the aftertaste of all this? What memories does he keep from this whole fight? Was it an interesting journey or a traumatic experience?

Obviously, this article is not about Filippos. Maybe he is doing ok and he went through this preparation with lots of strong and healthy coping mechanisms. I would be so happy to hear that.

But there are hundreds of thousands of students who struggled and will keep carrying this #trauma with them for many, many years.

This article is more about where we focus as society: on the perfect result or on the mental strain of this preparation?

Creating a safe space and talking more about the above-mentioned information would be most useful for all students, but also for teachers, schools and developers of curriculums and educational programmes.

I certainly applaud the success, but what we should be more mindful of is not to ignore the psychological cost of such a long process, especially in a system that has not yet learned to care for and support its students in a holistic way.

Yet ??

Thoughts? Let me know in the comments.

Best,

Vassia Sarantopoulou

Psychologist - Perfectionism Expert

www.antiloneliness.com