Why Will power isn't enough...

A friend recently commented on a post where I was celebrating dropping 3 dress sizes with "I hope to have your will power" to which I replied "Discovered it's not will power. It's having the right people around you who inspire you to make better decisions. Will power is all about focusing on what we can't have, do and be..." This is when I realised there was much more to say about this. So here it is...

For three decades (oh my gosh, I had to stop to let that sink in, gulp!) I have unsuccessfully tried to lose weight, losing no more than a few Kgs only to put them straight back on again, with interest. Unless you have been really overweight or obese which is what I to my shock and horror am classified as, you have no idea the shame and pain you go through and carry behind that jovial exterior. Because if you going to carry that extra weight you better have a great personality right? For me being overweight was like carrying a sign around that said "I'm a loser!"

Being a coach you are constantly learning and growing. I have to do that work that I require of my clients. I have to run to my pain. So a few years ago, I realised that maybe I was in a crazy eight with my weight issue, so instead of trying to solve the safe problems, I put on my X Large Big girl panties and started facing up to my Quality problem which was my trust issues and the fact that food was my constant and faithful friend. This friend provided comfort and met my need for connection like nothing else. This is when the breakthrough started.

Let me just say, everyone wants breakthrough in their lives, but think about it, breaking through doesn't just happen, it is simple but it is not easy. So how did I go down three dress sizes. These three things helped....

Figure out what need your unhealthy activity is feeding.

There are 6 human needs, four of them are personality needs and two are spiritual needs. The first four needs are certainty, variety, significance and connection. We all have to meet these needs to survive, we meet these needs in healthy or unhealthy ways and we all do this with good intent. So my need for connection was disrupted by my lack of trust which resulted in the unhealthy way of meeting that need with food. And look, it was never carrots or broccoli, it always came in the form of high sugar, high fat and high carbs. The greater the need for connection, the greater to degree of decadence. But the more I ate the more empty and isolated I felt, which made me hungry, and the slow downward spiral began, and the scale numbers rose. I will do a full blog on the needs next time, so stay tuned.

Leverage the power of the other.

My favourite African proverb says "if you want to go fast, go alone; if you want to go far, go together." A huge part of my journey, was realising that I needed people around me who would allow me to be real and raw, who would hold me accountable and who would challenge me to achieve my goals. Another proverb from the continent of my birth "It takes a village to raise a child" well my version of that, on my journey, "it takes a tribe to conquer your giants." It is the power of the other that gives you the courage to get up when you fail, to make the right choices and to keep going when it feels like all the hard work isn't working. We need each other, we can't do this alone. It requires us to be vulnerable, it requires us to trust...

Create new habits.

Every heard the quote, if you don't like what you seeing, change what you doing? If you don't like the results you are getting, you have to change the actions, in order to change your actions, you need to figure out what feelings are fueling those actions and in turn what thoughts are fueling the feelings. Once I realised that food was a rotten substitute for connection, I had to change my habits. I started having different choices about what I ate and drank. I started different routines such as walking and exercise classes. When I felt lonely and the triggers were tripped instead of reaching for a doughnut, I tapped into my need for growth and contribution (the other two needs which are spiritual needs) by reaching out to someone to give connection, thereby getting the very thing that was causing the old habit. Love and connection.

Simple right? Yip, but not easy. So glad I haven't had to do this on my own. The journey continues.... And this is why I love what I do. And it is in my personal growth and contribution that I continue to reap the rewards that are literally shaving the kg's away, slowly but surely.