Let’s face it: talking about end-of-life planning is about as fun as a trip to the dentist (well for me, it always was a little fun because both my parents were the dentists). There are a million reasons why we put off talking about or finishing hard things. The problem is —avoiding conversations about our future or that of our parents won’t change the outcome — that we will all die one day. The real question is, will you have planned in a way that protects your family or leaves those you love with a mess? Only 32% of Americans have a will, and even fewer have discussed their end-of-life wishes with their families. Despite this, planning for the future is one of the most loving and responsible actions you can take. Plus, you'll sleep better at night knowing it's handled.
- Fear of Death and the Unknown: It’s very hard to comprehend that we won’t always be here, that we and those we love won’t live forever. Theoretically, we understand we won’t, but it can be very discomforting to think about the unknown. Fear of death often equates to fear of pain or loss. It’s an area of life that none of us will have experience with until it happens, and that can produce a ton of fear and anxiety. THIS IS NORMAL.
- Emotional Discomfort: Just like no one wants to have the sex talk as a teenager, no one wants to talk about death as an adult. Conversations about death can feel deeply uncomfortable, especially with family. It’s vulnerable, it feels icky, many families do not want to ‘go there’. Some cultures fully embrace death as part of life and freely speak of it’s importance, the US is not one of them (not yet at least!).
- Perception of Invincibility: Many of us, especially when we’re young, feel like we're untouchable - that bad things may happen to others, but they won’t happen to us or those we love. This false sense of security, while a blissful part of youth, can be problematic if we are then not prepared for when things happen that we didn’t foresee.
- Misunderstanding the Importance: Some think that planning is only for the super-wealthy. This is entirely false. Every adult needs to be thinking about their future, especially as it relates to healthcare and documenting your values and wishes.
- Anxiety and Denial: It's natural to feel anxious or in denial about the inevitable. Keeping these fears in the shadows instead of talking about them only gives them power.
- Cultural Taboos: Some cultures (ahem…ours) treat speaking of death like a superstition - if you discuss it, you will make it happen sooner.
- Personal and Family History: Past losses or family dynamics can make planning feel off limits.
- Step 1: Try bringing up your thoughts around death or end-of-life planning with some trusted friends and see the reception you get. Are they open to talking about it? Are they having the same fears or blocks? Sometimes it’s better to feel supported by others when we are having trouble moving through something.
- Step 2: Start small. Collect your important documents in one place (virtually or physically). Start to organizing your digital life. I offer a free guide to get you going.
- Step 3: Research what goes into a will and advance care planning. Whether you start with an internet search, ask your friends or family about their experiences with the process, contact a Trust & Estate attorney, or asking your friendly neighborhood death doula, there is a wealth of information to get you started on the decisions to be thinking about.
- Step 4: Schedule a chat with an end-of-life planner, death doula or attorney. Professionals make process this way less overand can help facilitate difficult conversations if you need to have them with your parents or other family members. Come with your questions, come with your hesitations or fears, come as you are.
Taking these steps can provide a sense of relief and control over your future. Carve out 20-30 minutes each week. Before you say you don’t have time, try tracking how much time you’re spending on instagram and tik tok :)
If you’re stuck or want some extra support on how to get started, schedule a consultation. Trust me, future you will thank you.
