Why Perfectionism Is Not Your Friend, And Why You Thought It Was

The Hidden Cost of Perfection

For countless women in today's corporate landscape, perfectionism isn't just a personality trait—it's a shield, a driving force, and sometimes, a prison. Some of us wear our perfectionism as a badge of honour. Some of us use perfectionism as armour to protect us from the sting of criticism. Behind the meticulously crafted presentations and flawlessly executed projects often lies a complex web of shame, fear, and an exhausting pursuit of the unattainable.

Perfectionistic standards are rarely about being perfect. They are driven by the fear of failing. Let that sink in

The Perfect Storm

Alison, a manager at a leading pharmaceutical company, checks her email for the fifth time before sending it to her team. "It needs to be perfect," she whispers, despite having already spent forty minutes crafting a simple update. This scene plays out across Britain daily, where women feel compelled to double, triple, and quadruple-check their work—not because it's necessary, but because anything less feels like failure and they are terrified at the thought of 'making a mistake' or 'getting it wrong'

Recent studies suggest that up to 80% of high-achieving women in corporate roles identify as perfectionists with many believing its a desirable trait. The numbers rising steadily over the past decade. But why?

The Origins: More Than Just High Standards

The roots of perfectionism often trace back to early experiences and societal messages. As girls, many of us learned that being "good" meant being perfect—in behaviour, appearance, and achievement. This conditioning intensifies in professional settings, where women often feel they must work twice as hard to prove their worth.

At a young age, at home or school, we may have made a mistake or error. If this was made public or shared and we feel humiliation this sticks very securely in the brain. Intense feelings of shame are then felt, probably the most uncomfortable of all emotions and so we will do all we can to ensure we don't feel it again

I have the very vivid memory of being in school, it was an RE lesson. The teacher was Mrs Langridge. She gave an instruction to the class. I either didn't hear or didn't understand and whispered to the child next to me 'what are we doing?' I was spotted by the teacher. I was in trouble for talking. In front of the class she made me stand up and hold my hand out. She hit it hard with a wooden ruler. It is not the pain I can still recall, it is the humiliation and the tears pricking in my eyes I can still feel.

It was so horrible that in that moment somewhere deep inside I vowed to NEVER let that happen again.

In that moment my perfectionist was born.

I was 8 years old.

It also told me that when you ask for help you will be punished and so my perfectionist had a particularly independent streak.

The corporate world, with its inherent biases and heightened scrutiny of women's performance, can transform healthy ambition into a punishing drive for perfection. Every mistake feels magnified, every oversight potentially career-ending.

The Emotional Toll

Behind closed office doors, the impact is profound:

- Constant anxiety about making mistakes

- Overwhelming shame when falling short of impossible standards

- Physical and psychological exhaustion from maintaining an impeccable facade which can become the start of burnout or chronic fatigue

- Isolation from keeping struggles hidden

- Deep-seated fear of being "found out" as inadequate... Imposter Syndrome anyone?

These feelings aren't just common—they're nearly universal among high-achieving women. They are felt by men too, however the incidence is lower. The infamous "imposter syndrome" intertwines with perfectionism, creating a exhausting cycle of overwork and self-doubt.

Breaking Free: A Gentle Path Forward

Recovery from perfectionism isn't about lowering standards—it's about re-calibrating them to serve rather than sabotage us. Consider:

1. Embracing "good enough" as a powerful standard

2. Recognising perfectionism as a response to fear, not a path to excellence

3. Building connections with other women who share similar struggles

4. Challenging the belief that worth equals performance

5. Begin to learn how you could feel psychologically safer so that being less than perfect is no longer perceived as a threat to your psyche

6.Become aware of when your perfectionism is triggered

7. Notice that perfectionist voices are louder and more demanding the more tired, hungry or depleted you are. Hence the need for self care and rest and replenishment

Moving Forward Together

If you recognise yourself in these words, know that you're not alone. Your worth isn't measured by the perfection of your work or home life, but by the wholeness of who you are. Consider this an invitation to begin a gentler conversation with yourself.

Take one small step today: Share your struggles with a trusted colleague, let a minor mistake go uncorrected, or simply acknowledge the courage it takes to show up as your authentic self in a world that often demands perfection.

Remember, the goal isn't to abandon excellence—it's to pursue it without sacrificing your wellbeing in the process.

For support and resources on managing perfectionism in the workplace, consider reaching out to professional women's networks or workplace counselling services.

For support and resources on managing perfectionism in the workplace, consider reaching out to professional women's networks or workplace counselling services.

Or talk to me, I have been there and my perfectionist is now in retirement. You can book that chat here https://calendly.com/florerevita/enquiry

You're not alone on this journey.