Why Perfection Sucks

When I was little I had severe anxiety. Why? I felt if I didn't get straight A's at school then I would not be good enough. It was beyond debilitating. IT SUCKED!!! Have you ever had a perfectionism issue? Or wondered where it stemmed from or how to overcome it?

Perfection sucks because it creates unrealistic expectations and paralyses progress. Here are a few reasons why:

1. Impossible Standard: Perfection is unattainable. The pursuit of it sets us up for constant disappointment because no one can reach an ideal that doesn't exist.
2. Stifles Growth: When you're focused on being perfect, you avoid risks or new experiences that could lead to growth. Fear of failure or making mistakes keeps you from learning and improving.
3. Kills Creativity: Creativity thrives on experimentation and imperfection. The quest for perfection narrows your thinking and prevents you from exploring new possibilities.
4. Causes Burnout: Trying to achieve perfection can lead to overwork, stress, and burnout. It makes you feel like you're never enough, no matter how much you accomplish.
5. Limits Vulnerability: Perfectionism hinders connection because it stops you from being real and vulnerable with others. People relate to authenticity, not flawlessness.
6. Destroys Joy: The joy of life often comes from embracing imperfections and enjoying the process. Perfectionism makes you overly critical and robs you of appreciating progress and the beauty in imperfection.

Embracing imperfection is where true fulfilment, creativity, and leadership emerge.

Where does perfection stem from

Perfectionism often stems from deep-rooted issues related to self-worth, identity, and external pressures. Here are some common origins:

1. Fear of Judgment and Rejection

Perfectionism can arise from a fear of being judged or rejected by others. This often happens when self-worth is tied to external validation—people feel they must be flawless to be accepted or valued.

2. Childhood Experiences

• Overly Critical Upbringing: Growing up in environments where praise was conditional or where mistakes were harshly criticised can lead to perfectionism. A child may internalise the belief that they are only loveable or worthy when they perform perfectly.
• High Expectations from Parents: Parents with high expectations may unintentionally push children to feel that their worth is linked to their achievements, making them chase perfection to gain approval.

3. Societal Pressures and Comparison Culture

Social media, academic pressures, or competitive work environments can fuel perfectionism. Constant comparison to idealised standards or other people’s curated lives leads to feeling “not enough,” making people strive for perfection to fit in or feel worthy.

4. Low Self-Esteem

Perfectionism often masks deeper feelings of inadequacy. When someone doesn’t feel good about who they are, they might use perfection as a way to compensate for their perceived flaws, believing they have to be perfect to be accepted.

5. Need for Control

Sometimes perfectionism stems from a desire to control outcomes in uncertain or chaotic environments. By trying to be perfect, people feel like they can mitigate failure or criticism, which can give them a (false) sense of control over their lives.

6. Trauma and Past Failures

Experiencing failure, trauma, or ridicule in the past can cause people to become overly focused on avoiding mistakes. The idea of being perfect can be a defense mechanism to prevent feeling that kind of hurt again.

7. Imposter Syndrome

People with imposter syndrome often feel like they don’t deserve their success or position, fearing that they’ll be “found out.” As a result, they may strive for perfection to compensate for their deep-seated belief that they’re not good enough.

8. Conditional Love or Approval

Perfectionism may develop when people receive love or approval only when they succeed or meet high standards. This conditional acceptance can create an inner belief that their worth is dependent on how well they perform.

Ultimately, perfectionism is a coping mechanism for deeper issues like fear of failure, fear of rejection, and a need for control. Shifting away from perfectionism involves fostering self-compassion, embracing vulnerability, and accepting that worthiness is intrinsic, not conditional.

How to Overcome it

Overcoming perfectionism requires a mindset shift and practical strategies that help break free from its harmful cycle. Here are some ways to overcome perfectionism:

1. Practice Self-Compassion

• Treat Yourself Like a Friend: Be kind to yourself when you make mistakes or fall short of your expectations. Instead of self-criticism, talk to yourself with the same empathy and kindness you would offer a close friend.
• Acknowledge Imperfection: Accept that everyone has flaws and makes mistakes. Imperfection is part of being human, not a sign of weakness.

2. Set Realistic and Flexible Goals

• Focus on Progress, Not Perfection: Instead of aiming for flawless results, focus on making progress. Break tasks into smaller, achievable goals that emphasize improvement rather than perfection.
• Allow Flexibility: Understand that things rarely go perfectly as planned. Building flexibility into your goals allows you to adapt to change without feeling defeated.

3. Challenge Your Inner Critic

• Recognize Perfectionist Thoughts: Notice when your inner dialogue is filled with unrealistic expectations or harsh criticism. Ask yourself if your thoughts are rational and if you’re being fair to yourself.
• Reframe Negative Thoughts: Replace self-critical thoughts with balanced, positive ones. For example, instead of thinking, “I must be perfect,” try, “Doing my best is enough, and I’m learning along the way.”

4. Embrace Mistakes as Learning Opportunities

• Shift Your Perspective on Failure: View mistakes not as proof of inadequacy but as opportunities for growth. Embracing failure as part of the learning process helps reduce the fear associated with it.
• Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge and celebrate progress, no matter how small. This reinforces a growth mindset where improvement, not perfection, is the goal.

5. Let Go of Control

• Practice 'Good Enough': Train yourself to stop working on something once it reaches a level of “good enough.” Recognise that sometimes 80% is better than exhausting yourself trying to reach 100%.
• Delegate and Share Responsibility: Let others take on tasks and resist the urge to control every detail. Delegating builds trust and reduces the need for things to be "perfect."

6. Focus on Your Values

• Reevaluate What’s Important: Reflect on your core values and how perfectionism aligns with them. Are you striving for perfection in areas that don’t align with your true purpose? Prioritise what really matters, not just what you feel compelled to be perfect at.
• Prioritise Relationships: Focus on building deeper connections with people, as perfectionism often distances you from others. Vulnerability and authenticity foster trust and connection.

7. Limit Comparison

• Stop Comparing Yourself to Others: Social media and societal standards can fuel perfectionism by promoting unrealistic ideals. Focus on your own journey and achievements instead of comparing them to others.
• Recognise the Flaws in “Perfect” Images: Remind yourself that what you see online or in the lives of others is often curated and doesn't reflect their struggles or imperfections.

8. Take Action Despite Fear

• Adopt a ‘Just Rock It’ Mentality: Take imperfect action rather than waiting until everything is perfectly aligned. By taking action even when things aren't perfect, you build resilience and develop the courage to take more risks.
• Accept Criticism as Growth: Instead of dreading criticism, view it as a source of valuable feedback for improvement. It can help you grow rather than affirm a sense of inadequacy.

9. Seek Support

• Talk to a Mentor or Therapist: Sometimes perfectionism stems from deeper-rooted self-worth issues. A mentor or therapist can help you unpack these feelings, providing guidance and tools to overcome them.
• Join Communities Focused on Growth: Surround yourself with people who value growth and improvement over perfection. This will help you shift your focus and build healthier standards.

10. Develop a Growth Mindset

• Emphasise Learning Over Results: Focus on learning new skills, developing resilience, and evolving as a person, rather than the outcome. Growth, not flawless execution, is the marker of success.
• Celebrate Effort and Persistence: Shift your definition of success to include effort, persistence, and courage in the face of setbacks rather than perfect outcomes.

11. Practice Mindfulness and Stillness

• Be Present: Perfectionism often leads to overthinking and future-focused anxiety. Practicing mindfulness helps ground you in the present, where you can take things one step at a time.
• Embrace Stillness: As you believe stillness is a superpower, use it to cultivate inner calm and clarity. It helps you detach from the pressures of perfectionism and make room for a more peaceful mindset.

By embracing imperfection, practicing self-compassion, and focusing on growth rather than flawless outcomes, you can overcome perfectionism and lead a more authentic and fulfilling life.

Focus on Excellence

Focusing on excellence instead of perfection is a powerful shift that emphasizes growth, effort, and continuous improvement rather than unattainable standards. Here’s how you can make that transition:

1. Redefine Success

• Excellence Is About Progress: Unlike perfection, which implies flawless execution, excellence is about consistently striving to do your best and improving over time. Success becomes about effort, growth, and learning, not a single ideal outcome.
• Focus on Mastery: Excellence is tied to mastery, which means getting better over time through dedication and practice. By focusing on mastering a skill or area of expertise, you free yourself from the burden of immediate, perfect results.

2. Set High Standards, Not Unrealistic Ones

• Aim for High Standards, Not Perfection: Excellence involves maintaining high standards while accepting that mistakes and challenges are part of the journey. You can strive for greatness without the need for everything to be flawless.
• Balance Achievement and Well-being: In the pursuit of excellence, it’s essential to prioritize your well-being. High standards are valuable, but they should not come at the cost of burnout or neglecting your mental and emotional health.

3. Embrace Continuous Learning

• Adopt a Growth Mindset: Excellence is about the willingness to learn and adapt. Each challenge or setback becomes an opportunity to grow. Instead of viewing mistakes as failures, see them as feedback that can help you refine your skills.
• Cultivate Curiosity: Stay curious and open to learning new things. Excellence is often fueled by a desire to keep improving, evolving, and adapting to new situations or information.

4. Value Process Over Outcome

• Focus on the Journey: Excellence emphasises the value of the process—the learning, refining, and improving that happens along the way. By focusing on the steps you're taking rather than the final product, you reduce pressure and stress.
• Enjoy the Process: Excellence allows you to enjoy the act of creating, working, or learning without the weight of needing to reach a perfect result. This mindset brings more joy and fulfilment into your efforts.

5. Emphasise Quality Over Perfection

• Deliver High-Quality Work: Excellence focuses on delivering high-quality work that adds value, rather than obsessing over minor imperfections that may not even matter. It's about contributing meaningfully and producing work you’re proud of.
• Be Efficient, Not Exhaustive: Perfectionism often leads to overwork and diminishing returns. With excellence, you focus on what matters most and learn to let go of unnecessary details that don’t contribute to the overall impact.

6. Cultivate Resilience and Persistence

• Resilience Over Rigidity: While perfectionism often collapses at the first sign of failure, excellence builds resilience. Setbacks are seen as stepping stones rather than signs that you’ve failed. It’s about persisting through challenges and adapting to change.
• Celebrate Effort and Persistence: Excellence celebrates the effort and persistence you put in, not just the end result. This builds confidence and encourages you to keep pushing forward, knowing that growth comes from persistence.

7. Use Feedback Constructively

• Seek Constructive Feedback: Excellence is built through refining and improving, often with the help of feedback. Welcome constructive criticism and view it as a tool to help you elevate your performance, rather than something to fear or avoid.
• Don’t Personalise Feedback: Separate your worth from the feedback you receive. Understand that feedback is meant to improve the work, not define your value.

8. Cultivate Self-Compassion

• Be Kind to Yourself: Excellence allows room for self-compassion. You can acknowledge your mistakes or areas of improvement without beating yourself up. Being kind to yourself in moments of challenge helps you stay motivated and focused on growth.
• Celebrate Small Wins: Take time to recognize and celebrate the small successes along the way. This encourages a mindset of excellence, where progress and effort are valued over final outcomes.

9. Focus on Contribution and Impact

• Think About the Bigger Picture: Excellence is outward-facing—it’s about how your work or actions contribute to others or the world, not just about proving yourself. When you focus on the impact you're making rather than being perfect, you can find more fulfilment.
• Deliver Value, Not Perfection: Instead of trying to impress, focus on delivering value in whatever you do. Excellence is often judged by the positive impact and meaningful contribution you make, not by whether it was perfect.

10. Cultivate Discipline and Consistency

• Consistency Over Intensity: Excellence is built over time with discipline and consistency, not through sporadic bursts of perfection. Create habits and systems that support sustained excellence, even if some days are better than others.
• Refine Over Time: Excellence gives you the room to refine and iterate. You don’t have to get everything right the first time. Consistently improving your craft over time is the path to mastery.

11. Lead by Example

• Be Authentic and Real: In leadership and life, excellence comes from leading with authenticity. Show others that it’s okay to be human, make mistakes, and learn along the way. Leading with vulnerability inspires others to focus on excellence, not perfection.
• Embrace Humility: True excellence requires humility—the understanding that you can always learn more and improve. Embrace the mindset of being a lifelong learner and recognize that there’s always room to grow.

By shifting your focus to excellence, you prioritise growth, impact, and continuous improvement. Excellence empowers you to push boundaries, deliver quality work, and enjoy the process without the suffocating pressure of perfection.

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