Why People Tend to Be Selfish—But Don’t Mean to Be: Understanding the Psychology Behind Group Identity

Dr. Cherry, Quite Contrary #ceowhisperher

As an organizational psychologist and master coach, I’ve spent years observing and understanding the subtle yet powerful forces that shape human behavior. One of the most intriguing phenomena I encounter is the tendency for people to cling tightly to their groups, often at the expense of recognizing and embracing the full, multifaceted identities of others. This behavior, while often perceived as selfish or exclusionary, is deeply rooted in our psychological need for belonging and identity.

The Psychology of Group Identity

Humans are inherently social creatures. We seek connections, validation, and a sense of belonging. Historically, our survival depended on being part of a group—a tribe that provided safety, resources, and support. This need for belonging is hardwired into our brains, and it manifests today in the way we form and maintain social groups, whether they are based on race, religion, professional affiliations, or even something as specific as a sorority.

This is where the psychology of ingroup and outgroup comes into play. The ingroup is the group with which we identify most strongly—it’s “us.” The outgroup is “them,” those who do not share our group identity. The ingroup provides a sense of identity and security, while the outgroup can sometimes feel like a threat to that identity.

Why We Hold Tightly to Our Groups

1. Cognitive Simplicity: Our brains are wired for efficiency. Sorting people into categories simplifies the complex social world we navigate. It’s easier to think of someone as “one of us” or “one of them” than to engage with the full complexity of their identity. This simplification can lead to a reluctance to acknowledge the multifaceted nature of individuals, such as biracial people, because it challenges the neat categories our minds prefer.
2. Group Cohesion: Holding tightly to our group identity fosters cohesion and solidarity within the group. When we emphasize what makes our group distinct, we strengthen the bonds that hold the group together. However, this can come at the cost of excluding those who don’t fit neatly into the group’s identity.
3. Fear of Loss: There’s often an underlying fear that acknowledging someone’s full identity, or accepting them as part of multiple groups, might dilute the group’s identity or threaten its cohesion. This fear is not always conscious, but it drives the insistence on viewing people through a narrow lens—focusing on one aspect of their identity while ignoring the rest.

The Beauty of Intersectionality

Intersectionality is a concept that recognizes people’s identities are composed of multiple, intersecting factors—race, gender, class, sexuality, and more. It’s like a Venn diagram, where each circle represents a different aspect of identity, and the overlap shows the richness and complexity of a person’s experience.

Instead of seeing intersectionality as a complication, I view it as a beautiful tapestry that makes each person unique. Recognizing and embracing intersectionality allows us to appreciate the full spectrum of human experience. It encourages us to move beyond the simplistic “us vs. them” mentality and to see people as more than just members of a single group.

Moving Beyond Group Identity

So, what if we allowed everyone to be more than just a member of our group? What if we embraced the myriad of identities that each person holds? Here are some ways to start:

1. Acknowledge Complexity: Recognize that every person is a complex blend of identities and experiences. Instead of categorizing people based on one aspect of their identity, engage with them holistically.
2. Challenge Your Biases: Reflect on your own tendencies to simplify and categorize. Ask yourself why you might be holding tightly to your group identity and how this affects your interactions with others.
3. Celebrate Intersectionality: Embrace the idea that people can belong to multiple groups and that this diversity of identity enriches our social fabric. Celebrate the unique perspectives that arise from intersecting identities.
4. Create Inclusive Spaces: Whether in the workplace, social settings, or personal relationships, strive to create environments where people feel comfortable expressing all aspects of their identity.

We Are So Much More

In a world that often pushes us to define ourselves and others by singular identities, it’s important to remember that we are all a myriad of things. We are more than our race, gender, or group affiliation. By allowing ourselves and others to be fully human, embracing all the intersections that make us unique, we create a richer, more inclusive world.

It’s not about abandoning our group identities but expanding our view to see the full spectrum of who we are. When we do this, we move from a mindset of exclusion to one of inclusion, from selfishness to shared humanity. And in that shift, we all stand to gain.