Why People Ghost - And Why They Shouldn't

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I have seen many LinkedIn posts recently from frustrated job seekers who have applied for a job, or even interviewed, only to get ghosted by employers. This indicates a larger trend—a recent CNBC article shared that 40 percent of candidates have been ghosted by a potential employer after a second- or third-round interview. ?

Ghosting—abruptly ceasing all communication with someone, without explanation or closure—reflects a deep disregard for how our actions affect others. Ghosting isn’t new or confined to job hunting; it’s also quite common in dating, especially now that digital communication has gradually replaced face-to-face interactions.?

Ghosting often leaves a lasting mark. Whether they’re being abandoned by a potential employer after multiple interviews, or by a personal connection, the affected person is often left feeling unvalued and disrespected. The ghosted person is then more likely to perpetuate the vicious cycle by ghosting someone else.?

I was first ghosted in my 20s, when I interviewed for a job with a venture capital firm. The two principals I interviewed with abruptly stopped communicating with me, even after multiple follow-up emails. I was excited about the opportunity, and getting ghosted sucked.?

But employers aren’t the only culprits here. According to the same CNBC data, 78 percent of job seekers admit they have ghosted a potential employer in the past year. Employee ghosting has become especially common since the great resignation, when employees regularly no-showed interviews, or in some cases accepted a job, only to neglect to show up to work.?

At a glance, this seems like another battle between individuals and faceless companies. However, it’s crucial to remember that “companies” don’t do things, people within those companies do things. Therefore, companies don’t ghost people, people ghost people.??

When a candidate doesn’t hear back from a company they applied for, there is a person or group of people at the hiring organization who intentionally chooses to ignore the candidate, rather than to respond. Doing this is an act of cowardice, laziness and disrespect.?

Similarly, when an employee ghosts a company that’s trying to hire them, there is a hiring manager on the other end of that exchange who is highly invested in filling that role and probably excited about hiring the person who is about to ghost them. The company won’t be hurt, but that person will be negatively impacted and probably embarrassed. ?

We need to agree that ghosting is unacceptable, for several reasons. The first is karma. You just never know when that person you ghosted might have influence over your career without your knowledge, or even wind up sitting across the table from you later. For candidates, someone you ghosted may know the hiring manager for a job you do want and will let them know their experience—this is especially common in small industries. In all these cases, the person you ghosted will remember your name and actions.?

At the end of the day, it’s up to individuals to break this cycle. If you're a candidate, don’t ghost—instead communicate openly about your decision and status. Sending a simple message to withdraw from consideration or to indicate you've accepted another offer takes a few minutes and shows a lot of respect.???

Similarly, if you’re a hiring manager or recruiter, let candidates who have interviewed know where they stand, even if you aren’t moving forward with them. Sure, rejecting people always stings a little, but getting rejected is always better than getting ghosted. Furthermore, if you lead an HR department or any team that hires, set a policy that ghosting candidates is not acceptable and people who ghost will face consequences.?

At the heart of every interaction is an opportunity to demonstrate respect, integrity, and decency. I personally commit to reply to everyone who reaches out to me personally as long as they are not selling something to me unsolicited. I believe if they take time to reach out, I can make the time to reply??

Cycles are either vicious or virtuous, and we must each acknowledge our role in choosing which cycle we help to perpetuate. The rising prevalence of ghosting speaks volumes about the decay of our personal and professional standards and the value we place on relationships today. ?

Don’t ghost; aspire to be part of the solution and not the problem.

Quote of The Week

“Respect is how to treat everyone, not just those you want to impress.” - Richard Branson

Learn more about my speaking, writing and work at www.robertglazer.com