"Why people don't hear you"? A 1-page read that could change that.

The Dreaded “Communication Offset”

Chris Ebeling

Throughout my career, I have noticed that at times, the message I am sending and the message being received is very different. I used to think that this was a “receiver issue” as no one wants to believe that the transmitter (meaning me) could be any clearer. Then, I had an assessment done as part of a human resources training.  During the session, I found my communication style and how to recognize the communication style of others. Great, so with my newly competed training (which was good), I am now thinking I have all the answers. I simply understand what box on the 2 by 2 grid (Driver, Analytical, Expressive, or Amicable) the receiver is in, communicate to their style and bingo all my problems are solved. While this is a good start and it helps you find the frequency with which to be heard, it overlooks the “communication offset” that varies by person.

Let me give a common example. Sales people are wonderful individuals that need to be naturally optimistic due to the amount of rejection that they must face on a day to day basis associated with the selling process. With this upbeat disposition, often times a sales person will both transmit and receive the message with a positive offset compared to how a neutral party would interpret the same communication. Those of you that have ever asked a sales person for a sales projection will understand clearly that a projection is often times an optimistic or best case scenario (unless it is budget time). Conversely, either by their DNA or external circumstances, we have all run in to people that are overly negative. These are the people that when they ask you to borrow a dollar, complain that you gave them 4 quarters. These individuals have a negative offset. Finally, you may have individuals that are the most difficult to gage. These are the “sin wave” folks. These people vary between positive and negative offsets based upon how external forces are affecting them. I personally find the latter the most difficult to deal with because you first need to judge where they are on the wave before having the conversation.

Understanding a person’s communication style is like setting the radio station to the correct frequency. Judging the “offset” is like turning up or down the volume until the sound is coming in at the right level where it can both be heard and does not hurt the ears of the receiver. With some careful observation, you can confirm if a person has an offset. Note: you yourself may have an “offset as well”. Once one or more offsets are identified, it is important that you moderate your message to communicate the correct right perception. Finally, I recommend that after you have communicated, you ask the person to recap what they heard. It is often helpful to use a scaling questions like “on a scale of 1 to 5” where do you see the …”. I hope that this helps you communicate without the “offset”. If so, it will make your communications a lot more effective and less frustrating.