Why paying attention is the start, not the end of listening

This question comes from Marie from Denver

“Listening is hard, and it takes too long – why bother?”

?

I say; “Listening is light, easy, and straightforward when you know how – Would you be open to a different approach?

When you are open to improving your listening, conversations and projects take less time because there is less wasted effort re-explaining.

The additional people, resources, and quality costs are minimized because better and more effective conversations happen initially.

?

?

The location of your attention affects the effort and quality of your listening. Your listening impacts the way the speaker communicates.

?Let’s discover the difference between paying and giving attention.

?

Paying attention feels like a form of taxation. It’s draining and it takes time.

?It’s a duty, obligation, or responsibility. You go through the motions because you sense it’s the socially acceptable way to be in a conversation. When you pay attention, your focus is on you. You are listening from your side of the discussion.

?If you are a regular traveler listening to the flight safety announcement – you pay attention. You do it because you have to listen.

?Your mindset is “there is information that needs to be said,” so you go through the motions of listening. You know what they will say because you have heard it before. You could recite the flight safety announcement.

Imagine the same flight, and at 30,000 feet, the Captain makes an announcement mid-flight while you are experiencing turbulence explaining that the crew will need to go through the flight safety announcement. You rapidly move your attention from the Captain to the crew, who will provide you with the identical information from the pre-flight safety announcement.

?

At this moment, you are giving your complete and undivided attention.

Nothing will get in the way of you watching and listening to the safety announcement.

?

As the crew explains the exits, you count the number of rows to the exit, you make sure you look exactly where the flight crew is pointing when showing where the closest exit is located. You fight the urge to know which is the closest exit looking forward and remember the announcement says the nearest exit could be behind you.

?

At this moment, your attention narrows, and its focus is precise because nothing is more important to you than understanding these safety instructions. You collect the flight safety card from your seat pocket, which you have never looked at before now. You read the safety card with your complete and undivided attention. You study the safety card locating you, your seat, and the exit on the map.

?

Your attention is finite and flexible. Whether you choose to pay or give attention, it’s critical to understand it’s neither right nor wrong. It’s a choice about where to direct your attention in the moment and what’s appropriate in the current situation, context or relationship.

?

When you pay attention, you feel constrained, restricted, and limited. It makes listening feel like a task or a chore. Paying attention is most effective when dealing with well-known situations and relationships—routine matters with predictable pathways.

?

Giving Attention

?

Giving attention is most appropriate in emerging or evolving or emergencies. It comes from a very different place to paying attention.

?

It is an act of curiosity, generosity, and possibility.

?

When you give your complete attention, you notice what they say, and what they haven’t said. You notice the connection between what and how they say it. This is all possible because your working memory can attend to your listening. Consequently, it is much easier to pause and be patient.

?

It is impossible to give your complete and undivided attention to 100% of people and conversations 100% of the time. Continuously giving your attention has its downsides.

?

Giving attention for too long can be draining and overwhelming – be careful to notice your attention before arriving in a conversation.

?

I’m inviting you to notice what sort of attention you bring before, during, and after a conversation. A skillful listener will choose when paying attention is effective and efficient and adjusts to their attention appropriately.

Applications just opened for the Deep Listening Leader Academy.

To enhance your listening skills through the personal support of 5-6 other leaders and me, discover more here --https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/N7TW3M9 ?

?

#communicationskills #howtolisten #careers