Why Over-Achieving Women Don’t Reach Their Goals

Living in the modern world, the pressure to achieve goals is overwhelming. From birth we’re expecting to start delivering - how quickly can we crawl, walk, talk? And it never stops. In school, it’s about the marks we receive, the exam results, then after it’s the universities we attend and the jobs we get. Then it’s the partner, house, kids, finances we strive for.

Goals which never stop coming, even if deep down they’re not really goals we care about at all. No wonder we’re overwhelmed.

The Problem for Women

This is a big problem in the world’s of high-achieving professional women, especially those with young families. Torn between the goals of their work life professions, and the goals of growing a family. Pulled in multiple directions to achieve the impossible, it’s no wonder these incredible women constantly feel like they’re falling short.

And every year, they set goals to keep growing. To become a better manager, to a better mum, friend, or partner. They stretch and stretch themselves, all the whilst missing the very life they’re working hard to build. Often too tired to engage properly, saying yes far too often and then begrudging those who’ve asked things of them. They never feel like they’re living in the present, always worrying about failures of the past and the future that is yet to arrive.

Their home renovations go uncompleted, their health deteriorates, sleep becomes a distant friend, their partnerships have unnecessary strain, friendships fall by the wayside and all the while they feel disconnected from their life. Their yearly goals go uncompleted and the cycle begins again,

Why does this keep happening?

Well, there are a number of reasons for this, I’ve discovered. A major one being simply having too many goals at once, and to trying to achieve them all in a relatively short period of time. Often completely disregarding all the other aspects of their life and responsibilities. Trying to cram in a goal that would take a full-time effort over a few years into a small area of their schedule to complete in less than a year. The equation just doesn’t add up.

Another issue faced is that many think goal success comes from having more time, but in truth, it’s more about energy management. All humans only have so much energy to give (varying per person), but if it’s used unwisely or given away in places it shouldn’t, the person is depleted long before they ever get to the things that they really care about. And if they constantly go over their energy usage, they get closer and closer to burn-out, which unsurprisingly leads them even further away from achieving these goals

Lastly, why they’re choosing these specific goals is another major factor in whether they achieve the goals or not. Often people, especially women, will strive for goals that if they asked themselves truthfully whether they really want them, would say no. Somehow along the way they fell into the trap of reaching for goals they thought they wanted, rather the goals of what they truly wanted. Thus leading to a constant push towards goals, which were unsatisfying, energy wasting and leaving them immediately reaching for a new unaligned, unrealistic to goal to chase after.

How You Can Tackle This Right Now

1. Listing out all the goals of your life and assess whether those goals belong to you, or to the ideal life you’ve accidentally taken on as your own.
2. Get back in touch with your energy levels on a daily, weekly and monthly basis. Understand what gives and takes energy from you, so you can fully assess your calendar and goals in alignment with the reality of your life. Making huge adjustments where needed to simplify it.
3. Build a schedule and life that supports your goals, whatever they may be: health, family, careers etc. Ensuring you take into account, time and energy available, any roadblocks you may encounter and redirecting tasks to others, where needed.

Simply put:

• Simplify Your Goals
• Know Your Energy
• Build a Strategy that Works
• Have Accountability

I’m keen to hear how following this process has changed your plan for the year, feel free to comment below.

Emily is a mentor and writer, who works to support women to achieve their true goals and share their stories. She offers short mentoring programs for women to get let go of their misaligned goals, and move forward with an aligned, energy-managed and accountable plan.