Why Optimism in times of Crisis can Kill you - and what you need instead

I know I know, it's a pretty dramatic title - and miserable too - but I promise you, even though this literally has 'murder' in the title - this article may just save your life.

Today's #SaturdayServing comes from a place of love - but is not going to be an easy one for the endless positivity crew. But I've always committed to speaking the truth, and to promoting what works, not just what's popular.

So we're going to look at a remarkable guy, with a remarkable story which gives us an insight into why Optimism, especially when things are bad is so very dangerous.

Optimism Defined

So to start - and in true word nerd style, I want to be clear about what we're talking about, so I found this definition from Wikipedia

Optimism is a mental attitude reflecting a belief or hope that the outcome of some specific endeavor, or outcomes in general, will be positive, favorable, and desirable.

It speaks to a positive belief about the future - and we all need that, No?

Of course we do... Whatever you believe about the future is absolutely right. So you'd think that should be the end of the conversation - but it's not, because of the dangerous thing that happens when we focus on our excitement about the future.

Introducing James Stockdale

In his book 'Good to Great', author Jim Collins interviewed a former Prisoner of War, Admiral James Stockdale, about how he had survived his harrowing ordeal at a POW in Vietnam for seven and a half years.

His story is pretty crazy. His resilience and escapades were hardcore, and he would do pretty extreme things to stop himself being used to the benefit of his captors, like slit his wrists, to stop them being able to torture him, and bash his face in so that he was unrecognizable so they couldn't use him for propaganda.

He endured 7.5 years of the most unbelievable pain and challenge and so Jim asked him if he knew the prisoners that wouldn't make it out of the ordeal they faced. James was quick and resolute in his response

"Oh, that's easy, the optimists. 

Oh, they were the ones who said, 'We're going to be out by Christmas.' And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. 

Then they'd say, 'We're going to be out by Easter.' And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. 

And they died of a broken heart."

Their optimism killed them.

They were so focused on the great future that they actually had all their focus and energy invested in that better future... and it destroyed them.

We see this happen often in this day and age - where the quest for endless positivity leaves people lacking the resilience to face the reality of their lives with devastating consequences.

The Stockdale Paradox

Stockdale powerful went on to explain what works better than optimism:

This is a very important lesson.

You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end — which you can never afford to lose — with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.

This phenomenon went to to be known as the Stockdale Paradox... the concept of holding two seemingly contradictory concepts in tension to save your life...

Having faith in a better future - but not putting all your emotional and mental energy that you have into that... that's where you get lost.

A firm grip on reality will save your life. Your business. Your family.

It's not negative to have it, or keep it - and it really doesn't stop you dreaming, working for, or working towards that greater later. But keeps you really aware of what is needed, in real life, right now.

The Stockdale Paradox speaks to both unwavering faith in the future, fed by powerful and clear honesty about the present, and it's that healthy dose of BOTH positivity about the future and clarity about the present that will see you through to that amazing future you're hoping for.

Owning your C.R.A.P

I've recently been introduced to the idea of C.R.A.P Boards by John Assaraf and Mark Walderman, which is a place where you are able to capture the Conflicts, Resistances, Anxieties and Procrastinations, as a way to stop the brain ruminating over them, but also to give you a really clear picture of what you have going on.

I thought it was crazy

Wouldn't putting down all this negativity just attract more my way?

Wouldn't it literally be inviting more of what I don't want into my life?

Why make an actual board to store all your crap... but I would not be more wrong in my understanding...

1. A CRAP board doesn't override your vision board
2. It creates a space for your challenges to live so that your brain doesn't feel the need to keep hold of them (this has been the most powerful benefit for me)
3. It gives you the chance to get a real grip on reality and separate the things your brain has fabricated, and those that are real.

The endless positivity crew will likely hate this - but the best and most powerful way to see yourself through a crisis, is to keep that balance, of faith and honesty... of a focus on now and the future - to help you live the life you have now and create the breathtaking one of the future.

So instead of mere Optimism...

Try adopting a mixture... of faith and honesty. Of Focus on future fueled by a clear and unwavering reality check. Being able to do both... and NOT allowing the brutality of the current situation to dissuade or discourage you. But to steel you to know what it'll take to make it through... THAT's what'll help you thrive in a crisis and beyond.

Know that no one is coming to rescue you... because you don't need to be rescued. That all that you need to transform and create the future you need is already within you. That you're that hero you've been waiting for.

And if you're a woman in business and want to talk about how to get this front and centre in your business PM me, and let's talk. I can help give you a bit of that both that'll help see you right.