WHY NOW IS THE TIME FOR WOMEN TO WORK TOGETHER

Over the past 48 hours someone (another, new someone, I know, I know, where do I find them?!) started to take apart my business, my work and by extension, me.

Oh, he'll tell you that it was that I wasn't robust enough, that I should have expected it on a discussion forum (and yes, I shuddered writing that because how often are women attacked and told that they shouldn't take it so badly/shouldn't take it personally/had it coming?) but the tone had me concerned from the outset.

I really don't give a toss if some guy on the internet thinks I run my business badly, but I take the accusation of sex discrimination seriously.

Am I discriminating by only working with women? I don't believe so.

Right now, my entire client list is made up of women; I also know that Searching for Serenity has a reasonably large male following and I have been told, again and again, that the work I do, by raising my voice and using my platform to speak, is not just helping women.

But it's undeniable that I do work, almost exclusively, with women in professional careers.

Here's why.

The gender paygap has made big news but women are leaving money on the table throughout their careers: in Linda Babcock's 2002-2003 study, 52% of men negotiated their pay versus 12% of women (at an entry level).

In the same study, observers in their 20's and 30's (you know, that snowflake millenial generation I'm part of) found women demanding and pushy when using the same tactics of negotiation as men; even though the men's behaviour was found to be acceptable.

We are still conditioned to believe that men are the boss and women are bossy; and that's all well and good but its not just an external stereotype, we apply it to ourselves.

As a result, we hold back and, as women, we want to be seen as likeable, approachable and helpful.

Maybe that's why we take on jobs that are little more than grunt work, because we don't want to appear too aloof or difficult.

Again, the venerable Linda Babcock and colleagues found that women will volunteer for the 'non-promotable tasks', causing their careers to progress more slowly than their male counterparts as they take on the 'office housework' jobs that keep them out of sight.

Then there's the flip side to the 'out of sight, out of mind' promotion coin; women don't put themselves forward for promotion in the first place! It's a commonly quoted statistic that men will apply for a job when they can fulfill 60% of the competencies; women will apply when they can fulfill 100% of the competencies.

Tara Sophie Mohr interviewed over 1,000 men and women in professional careers and asked why they didn't apply for the job - the women's answers most often signalled a fear of failure or 'playing by the rules'; complying with the request of the job advert on who should and shouldn't apply rather than taking the leap anyway.

Women are socialised to follow rules, be polite, not speak up too loudly. We are given the pink toys and told to play quietly whilst the boys scream and shout and blow s- up playing with action man and GI Joe, and that is writ large when it comes to our later behaviours at work.

But again, it's not just about the internal voice; it's more likely that men will be offered a job on their potential, whilst a woman will receive it because of a proven track record... again slowing down the promotion path because we have to prove more.

Women are twice as likely as men to be disagnosed with stress, anxiety or depression, we are more likely to ruminate on events rather than compartmentalise and move on, women are also far more likely to be a victim of a stressful event, if not a victim of crime, simply as a result of her gender.

As a gender, we are still relatively new to the working marketplace; whilst many of us have mothers who worked full or part time, go back to our grandmothers or great grandmothers? They may have worked but were highly unlikely to work in the professional careers that we do now or in the manner in which we work now. We don't have the role models, the history, the passed-down knowledge that our granddaughters will.

The fundamental landscape of work has changed; we're always on, and women are also more likely to take on responsibility outside of work; caring for children, parents, providing other help and support.

Now is a time for boundaries, support, empowerment, learning to say no at work as well as we d in other areas of our lives.

And sometimes, that means being around other women to do it.

Something came to mind when I was writing this; at an event prior to her wedding the Duchess of Sussex said 'women don't need to find a voice; they have a voice. They need to feel empowered to use it and people need to be encouraged to listen.

I don't work to give women voices; I work with my clients to give them the confidence, strength and support to use their voices, to MAKE other people listen, and to keep showing up.

This afternoon I had another moment, just a moment, of thinking 'why in the f-- am I doing this to myself, why am I putting myself out there for people to take shots at' and it came back to this; I've seen too many women disappear as a result of everything we experience and feel and struggle with.

I refuse to become a ghost in my own life.

What about you?

PS you're in the final 24 hours to join the Serenity Spirit Mastermind, accessing weekly live trainings on the topics you need most, from stress maagement to insomnia to managing difficult people and recovering form setbacks (see what I did there?) as well as spend more time and get more support form me and my community of amazing women.

The link's in the comments below, spend some time with us and watch your confidence, energy and humour soar (even whilst dealing with the people who want to bring you down).