Why networking feels awkward to students and how to overcome it

I was chatting with a 3rd-year communications student the other day over some awesome Malaysian food and she told me about a recent “professional networking” event she attended which the communications major department of her school put together.

She went on to tell me about some great people she met such as news anchors of big media companies, PR managers for big corporate giants and interesting people who travel the world creating documentaries for VICE.

She went on telling me about all these amazing stories she heard from these wildly successful people and then I popped in a question that caught her a little off guard.

I asked her, “that’s awesome, what were some practical steps you learned that you can take away and execute in order to help you towards your goals?”.

She was a little stunned by the question and I can see she stopped chewing her shrimp rice as she took a second to think.

She replied back saying something along the lines of “honestly the event was great and all but I don’t think networking is for me, I find them a little awkward.”  

It was at that moment  I realized one fatal issue she didn’t consider before attending the event that resulted in her feeling awkward.

She didn’t have the “right goal” going into the event.

I hear this all the time from students when I jump on calls with them.

They say something along the lines of:

“Networking really isn’t for me, it’s awkward, cringe and manipulative”.

But what I realized is that many students go into “professional networking events” with the "wrong paradigm" of thinking.

I find students go into the networking events and meet people with the following intentions

• I want a job and this person is the key to getting a job
• What secret script can I use that will make this dude pour job offers into my hands?
• I want a job by tomorrow so therefore, I must attend this networking event to get a job ASAP

There's nothing “wrong” with these paradigms of thinking but I believe it’s limiting in many ways.

To start off, if you approach someone with the mentality of them being the magical key holder that stands between you and the job, well, you're going to come off as “sleazy”.

You're going to be asking them all the wrong questions and the other person will reciprocate that energy back and will see you as “sleazy”.

Here’s a quick paradigm shift to get rid of all the sleaziness.

When you chat with the other person, rather than seeing them as the gatekeeper who holds the keys to let you into the job of your dreams, see them as a person who is 5 steps ahead of you.

See them as someone who will help you learn about the 4 steps you need to take in order to get to the 5th step.

Treat the conversation as a valuable learning opportunity that you can use to “hack through” the steps it takes to get to your goal and get there faster.

The key here is to not see them as a “sacred key holder into the job of your dreams” but rather a person with a specific type of experience that you can learn a lot from.

Because let’s face it, if you go into networking events with the intention of getting a job, you're going to miss the opportunity to ask some super valuable, practical and strategically thought out questions that can actually help you get that job of your dreams.

I love this little quote by an entrepreneur Patrick Bet-David that really stuck with me:

“You should be greedy with questions”

Now let’s tackle the next reason why students find networking awkward.

So, I don't know if this is just a millennial thing but I notice a lot of students want instant gratification.

Being a millennial myself, maybe it’s because we’re brought up in a time where we have access to limitless information with just the press of a finger on our cell phones, but this mentality also leaks into the whole job hunting realm as well.

Many students think, “hmm if I attend this networking event it’ll get me a job quick! Better go pick out a nice blazer from H/M to help me prepare!”

Well in some cases yes, you can land a job straight away from a single networking event but in most cases, this just isn’t true.

Here's yet again, another quick paradigm shift students should go into networking events with if they really want to position themselves for success.

Think of networking as a long term investment into your future, you are essentially making the connections, learning new things and building a new foundation that’ll help you in the long run.

For example, you meet Katy at an event who's a branch manager for a bank. You both kick it off very well and she likes you.

Now, the conversation didn’t lead to a job right away but you took a lot of learning points from it.

Fast forward a couple of months and Katy is in need of a bank teller for her branch. And guess what?

She remembers you and decides to reach out to you about the opportunity.

The moral of this story is, stop thinking short term when you’re networking.

Think of it as setting the foundation for the future.

Plus, having a short term mindset will create unnecessary pressure in your head if you go around thinking “omg I need a job so I should talk to this person” and then when it comes time to have a genuine conversation you put all this pressure in your head to say the “right things” which then leads to the whole conversation becoming forced, awkward and stressful if anything.

Now, for the last paradigm shift.

I find students generally think of networking as a one-way street where if they meet with person “X” they can get a job out of them. It’s like a “TAKE TAKE TAKE” mentality.

But the reality is its a two-way street.

It's an opportunity to not only take away value from the other person but it is also an opportunity to give value in return.

Because people will most likely refer you to a job if they like, know, and trust you.

But I know what you might be saying…

“Alif I’m just a 3rd-year communications student, how in the world do I ‘give value’ to this person who’s climbed numerous corporate ladders and has 15 years of HR experience?”

It’s actually simpler than you think.

Let’s say you’re having a conversation with this “HR professional" (let’s call him Bob) and you found out that he had trouble getting his car started this morning after you asked him “Hello Bob, how is your morning going”.  Well, later on in the conversation you can mention to Bob that you have a cousin named Jimmy who’s a car mechanic and you can hook Bob up with a great car inspection deal.

“Giving value” doesn’t necessarily mean it has to be all corporate like with business solutions that drive revenue. It can be something informal that you would do for a friend.

Let’s do another example because you know, I just love examples.

Let’s say you asked Bob what're some of the business challenges his department is facing.

And he says something along the lines of “well you know, my department is having trouble marketing our campus internship program to students.”

And lone behold you’re the president of a student club on campus.

What you can reply with is:

“Well maybe I can help you out Bob, I’m the president of the Human Resource Students Association on campus. We’ve done numerous panels with HR industry professionals and hosted a ton of networking events on campus. If you’d like, I’d love to have you and your team host a presentation about your internship program on campus and I can pull together the students to attend the event”.

BAMM.

But wait, maybe you’re not the president of a student club, how else can you help him out especially if you can’t think of a solution on the spot?

Well, after the event what you can do is conduct some research on “campus engagement initiatives used by the big 5 banks in Toronto”.

Find an article that you think would be valuable for Bob and send him a quick email that has the article attached to it.

In the email, you can say something along the lines of…

“Hello Bob,

It was great chatting with you the other day. I've been really thinking about the problem your company has been facing and did some research on what the big 5 banking companies do in Toronto to solve the same problem. I came across this article that I think you might find super helpful!

Let me know if you’d like to discuss this article through a quick phone call or a conversation over coffee, I’d love to connect.

Thanks!”

BAMM, there ya go!

So to conclude, networking doesn’t need to be so awkward. It can be a fun experience where you meet new people, learn new things and solve some awesome business problems.