Why Naming a Conflict Unlocks Progress

Conflict is everywhere. It's not inherently a bad thing. When managed properly and worked through, it's actually beneficial and productive. When left unchecked and left to fester, it is toxic and can destroy a relationship, team, or even an organization.

There are many methods and strategies that are helpful in working through conflict, but one of the least utilized and most useful is to give your conflict a name. Giving your conflict a name gives it an identity and shifts the center of gravity of what comes next.

How do we know we're in that kind of conflict? One sign is that you're talking past each other, and it feels like you're talking about completely different things. Another sign is that whatever the other person is proposing makes you uncomfortable, as if it doesn't connect to how you see the situation.?

There are many common examples and contributors to this situation. You may be evaluating the situation on very different timelines. When one person is trying to solve a short-term problem and the other thinks they’re solving a long-term problem, they will have very different criteria for selecting a solution.

Why is this so important? Because the ambiguity of an undefined, unnamed conflict makes resolving conflict more difficult than it has to be.? Resolving conflict is already hard. We have to do it productively, openly, with curiosity and rigor, all while preserving or strengthening the relationship. When we don’t name the conflict, it’s easy to assume that others see it the way we do. Thus in the timeline example above, the conflict is caused by flawed thinking, or even flawed character. The assumption is often the flaw, and by naming the conflict we discover this flaw and can get past the conflict and focus on solving the problem.

When you name the conflict, you are essentially very loosely defining a problem statement. It does not need to involve the same kind of rigor as defining a problem statement at this point. But naming the conflict endows it with an identity of its own. Instead of two people or groups thinking the other is the problem, now the conflict is the problem and we are on the same team trying to work through it. The change in the dynamic can be subtle or dramatic but is very real.

We could simply call it a "time frame conflict" and then we’d know exactly what we have to resolve. Whether it is a criteria conflict, or a data conflict, or a preference conflict, these simple definitions are a doorway to the still-difficult work of resolving the conflict. Try giving your conflict a name and observe the shift in how it feels.