Why My Son Did Better In University Than In High School And Elementary School

When my son recently received his Bachelors Degree (with Honours) while making it on the Dean’s list in his final semester I couldn’t help but to feel a sense of pride, happiness and admiration.?It was a triumphant moment simply because of how it all started.?You see, my son was not anywhere close to the top of his class all throughout elementary, middle and high school.?As a matter of fact, at one point I was told that he had a learning disability and was even put on an Individualized Educational Plan (IEP).?While I was aware of all his struggles, I never accepted any of these conclusions.?I will never forget those days helping with grade 10 math and the night before the final test, all I could say was “son I can’t help you anymore only God can”.?He barely passed his grade 10 math with 51%.?Looked like God did come through at that point.?One day during that same year I went to a parent/teacher consultation and I was advised by two teachers to target a community college program for him and forget about the difficult path to University.?There was also one bright light of encouragement that I received from a guidance counselor.?She indicated that some kids that get labelled does not deserve the label but need a bit more attention to determine how they really learn and how they are motivated to excel.?

So how did my son rise up from being towards the bottom middle of the crowd in elementary and high school to an Honours Bachelor’s Degree and on the Dean’s list in University??Here are some things that I observed.

?Knowing what you want

For some reason in the midst of all his early challenges my son knew what he wanted to do in terms of a career after he finished school and he developed what I call “the hustle” to get there.?He did a lot of research on his chosen career and gathered a lot of information.?He studied these and even learned the lingo and nuances of his chosen career field.?He totally assumed the “hustle” mentality.?People with hustle also seem to have a high degree of emotional intelligence.?They are self aware, can regulate their impulses and moods, motivate themselves, adapt to situations and understand the emotional disposition of others.?My son seemed to have all of these.?Hustle takes strength.?Not the physical type but the kind of strength that is harder to see.?It is something you have to develop and once you get some success from your ability to hustle, no matter how large or small, it will inspire you to do more.?In his book “the start-up of you”, LinkedIn co-founder Reid Hoffman gives us the following advice; “when you have no resources, you create them.?When you have no choice but to fight, you fight hard.?When you have no choice to create you create”.?Hoffman advises that hustle is not something you can study in a textbook, but is something you can be inspired to do more of.?My son knew what he wanted the moment he left high school.

?Goals

My son immediately started to set goals.?I noticed something different though.?He did not set his goals with a particular timeline, he set what I call a compass.?When you set your goals and dreams and create a personal vision you are setting your compass.?This is regardless of timeline.?

I realized that my son showed “mental toughness”.?When I first heard the term “mental toughness” it fascinated me.?It carries different meanings for different people.?Whatever meaning you take from it, there is one thing I know, if you develop mental toughness it can make you a winner.?When you set your goals or put your mind to something, for example a definite major purpose and when you set out to go and work at it, nothing can stop you.?No distractions, naysayers, skeptics or sickness can get in your way.?He became resilient and it made him a high achiever.?We have all heard the term “high achiever”.?High achievers have laser focus, are not distracted and have a determination that fuels them to ultimate achievement.?They motivate themselves to get going and develop discipline to keep going.?They are also more motivated by the possibility of success than by the fear of failure.?Achievers don’t jog to the finish line they run to the finish line.?Four years of University seemed to fly by so fast.?Achievers continually leave their comfort zone and stretch towards their capacity zone.?They are like eagles, they sour, they inspire, they fly high.?They do their best and forget the rest.?He was doing these things in front of my very eyes.?He also has tenacity.?People who are tenacious are determined and persistent whether at work, home, their place of worship or social situations.?You may have a good idea and find yourself up against competition or skeptics but your determination and focus will make you triumphant.?Also, once you pursue your goals with passion, you are literally unstoppable.?

Networking/Association

One key thing that my son did that I truly admired was the way he networked.?At one point I thought I could’ve learned from this guy when I was younger.?He sought out people in his chosen profession and career aspirations and developed a number of connections.?He then associated and networked with these people.?A few of them even became mentors to him, all while he was in school.??At first I was skeptical until he introduced me to a couple of his career mentors.?Mentorship is important since a mentor is someone who will help you improve in these various parts of your life and career.?It will be hard to improve if you have no one but yourself to follow.?Being mentored means getting advice from people with proven experience.?A mentor is like a coach, perhaps someone who has gone before you and is willing to show you the way.?There are many words in the English language that describes this concept; guru, maestro, sensei, tutor, guide, lama, coach, mentor.?Regardless of the word you choose, a mentor or a coach should make a difference in your life, they should help you grow, improve your potential, increase your productivity or simply just create positive change in your life.?Mentors add value to you they help you to become better than you are.?The mentor will be someone who agrees to counsel you.?They may like you or take an interest in you because you remind them of themselves.?A mentor will empathetically listen to you and offer advice.?They will make the time so that they can impart wisdom.?In the relationship, the energy and net benefit typically flows to the person being mentored.?The mentors add value to you, they help you to become better than you are.?My son was able to seek out and find these people who are in his chosen career field.?I thought he was doing great while in university and finding career mentors in his chosen field, but then he took it another step further.?I noticed that my son further connected with people who were more than mentors.?I call these people sponsors because they actually started to open doors for him.?As a matter of fact some of his mentors became sponsors.?And yes, while still being a university student.?I learned about the concept of sponsorship a few years ago when I stumbled on the work of Sylvia Ann Hewlett.?It is from her that I discovered the power of sponsorship; and compared to mentorship, sponsorship is different.

?Hewlett explains that “a sponsor is a leader who is committed to seeing you succeed and will go out on a limb to make sure you do.?Sponsors are more powerful than mentors, because they are more vested in the outcome.?They advocate for your next promotion, steer plum assignments your way, and protect you as you move up the learning curve because they see how their star will rise in conjunction with yours”.?Your role is to earn the sponsor’s investment in you, therefore becoming a good protégé.?In turn the sponsor will advise, steer and develop you as a leader.?You deliver outstanding results, build the brand and legacy of the sponsor, and in effect making them look good.?The relationship is typically transactional.?The sponsor is a senior person who believes in your abilities and potential and is more than willing to take a bet on you.?Sponsors will advocate for your next promotion, manage office politics on your behalf and provide air cover for you in difficult situations.?When you stumble your sponsor comes to your defense and run interference for you when needed.?Hewlett points out that sponsors do three things that mentors do not.?They go out on a limb for you, provide enough support and advocate for your next promotion, and act as a shield so you can take risks.?Sponsors will get you in front of senior leadership to audition for a key role, the sponsor will also nudge other leaders to choose you.?Your sponsor will then coach you to ensure that you succeed.?The sponsor wants to prove to others that they made the right choice since at this point your brands are linked, so it’s in your sponsor’s best interest that you succeed.???

Sponsors provide advice just like mentors, they will also not hesitate to offer tough love and highlight shortcomings, skill gaps, relationships and communication failures, even appearance blunders.?Sponsorship is a two way street, you have to deliver for your sponsor, so while you succeed they also succeed, after all you carry their brand.?Mentorship on the other hand is a one way street; mentors give.?They give their time, advice, and wisdom.?Sponsorship enabled my son to get key volunteer and internship positions still while being a student.

Conclusion???

Every parent wants to see their children succeed, we just don’t have a magic wand to make this happen.?As parents we just need to do our best to equip our children and hopefully they will take the baton and chart a path to their successful future.?They may struggle along the way but hopefully they will eventually find their way no matter what path they choose.?Obviously there are some proven life practices that if adopted will get our children to reach their goals.?My son utilized some of these that caused him to do better in University that in elementary and high school and now he is on the right trajectory to successfully reaching his career aspirations.

Horace McPherson is Technology Executive, a big picture leader and an aspiring writer.?Horace writes on a variety of topics and is a regular contributor to LinkedIn, peer reviewed journals and trade publications.?To be notified about Horace’s new publications on LinkedIn click the “follow” button above this article.?Additionally, click here to read other LinkedIn publications by Horace.