Why My Mom Never Asked About My Career—and How It Taught Me the Most Important Leadership Lesson!

For years, I was VERY frustrated that my mom never asked me how work was going. I’ve held high-pressure roles at some of the largest corporations in the world—dealing with P&Ls, managing teams, navigating complex leadership dynamics. Stress, travel, you name it. Yet, every time we spoke, her questions were about my well-being: “How’s your heart? How’s your marriage? How are the kids?” But not once did she ask about work.

For a long time, I took this as a sign she didn’t care—or worse, that she might’ve been envious of my career.

Looking back, I realize how wrong I was.

It recently clicked during a period of professional turbulence (the kind of raw, tough patch that’s common in the startup world, especially when you’re building something groundbreaking). It hit me: my mom never asked about work because she instinctively knew something I didn’t appreciate at the time—work is only one part of the equation. Her focus was always on the bigger picture, the things that truly matter.

What I didn’t understand then was that her approach wasn’t indifference, it was wisdom. The truth is, sometimes we need to talk about things other than work—especially when things are hard.

In fact, I’ve realized I now do the same with people in my network. I rarely start by asking about their jobs or businesses. My first questions are about their family, their health, their pets - you name it! I’ve learned that when you become the person who asks about what really matters, you become a safe harbor for others. And when someone’s in a rough patch, often what they need isn’t to dissect their challenges, but to be reminded of the broader context of their life.

The key lesson here? Don’t always focus on the work. Sometimes, the most valuable conversations you can have are about everything but.

And honestly, it’s SO refreshing when I call my mom and she doesn’t ask, 'How’s work?' It’s nice to have someone who focuses on everything else that matters!