Why my intentions made me cry

Why my intentions made me cry

If you know anything about me, it’s that my process isn’t linear. Increasingly, however, it is becoming lunar. Bear with me here: while I rang in the new year as everyone else did with much hope for a great future and gratitude for an imperfect past, I didn’t process any of it on?January 1. I was in luck when?January 2nd?rolled around, calling itself a “new moon,” giving me and every other straggler the opportunity to set some intentions a day late but just in time for the big moon energy.?

On one sheet I listed the things I want to quit, learn, have, start, stop, and be. On a separate piece of paper I listed my top 4 goals for each of these categories: personal, spiritual, health, career, adventure, and home. Both lists were essentially the same, just phrased, and framed, a bit differently. There were things like take piano lessons, learn crypto, and take my supplements religiously. All within my control. But not all things are within our control.

As I continued writing my intentions, my hope turned to tears. I remembered the thing I’ve had at the top of my intentions lists for the past 8 years. I’ll give you a hint: it starts with b and rhymes with rabies. I’ve seen countless doctors, been basted like a turkey, hung upside down, had eggs siphoned from my body (5 retrievals, to get 12 on ice, thank you very much), and one pregnancy (yay!) that didn’t even make it to a heartbeat (boo). But hey, at least one stuck.?

But now, at 37, months out of a five-year relationship, what was once difficult now feels impossible. What’s the point of a pipe dream when your pipes are rusted over??

But then we did another, final, exercise: we listed out the things we’re committed to leaving behind. On my list to leave behind? Fear of being alone. We sleep alone, we wake up alone, we’re born and we die alone: so why am I fooling myself into thinking that I need a family to be happy?

And then gratitude set in. Friends. Family. Health. Adventure. A permanent jungle escape (I’ll share more on that in another newsletter). New love (shh). Coffee. Poodles. My life is full.?

This year, my job is to reframe and redefine what personal success means to me, and what my ambitions are beyond work, and beyond trying to push my life into the narrow box I’ve wanted for so long. My job is to?flow. Because, just like my process, life isn’t linear. Wish me luck, and the discipline to let go.?

Sophia

I love your newsletters Sophia, especially the authentic language you use when you tell your stories. If I ever grow into a human being in my professional life with similar values such as yours, I’ll be proud.

Aaron Burciaga, CAP, ACE

Co-Founder & CEO @ AlphaAI | Operations Research, Engineering

3 年

Good decision Defining success according to your goals in life is worth all. What success means to you is different from what it means to someone else. If you want to be successful, the first thing you need to do is decide what that means. Some people are happy being the best in their field, while others crave wealth and power. Some people can lead happy lives without money or power, but not without respect. Different kinds of success also require different kinds of sacrifices. It's hard to climb to the top without stepping on someone's toes. And most people find it impossible to enjoy the luxuries that wealth brings unless they have worked for them. Thanks for sharing

Alamin Alamin

Administrative Assistant at Microsoft

3 年

Xx

Rijuanul khan

Digital problem solution provider at Innovation It Dotbd #Seo #youtubemarketing #socialmediamarketing #instagrammarketing

3 年

HI I'm Rijuanul khan I would like to connect with you because I'm a Digital Solution Provider and I wanna grow up your Business. If you like to connect with me then Thank You very much ??

Lindsey Stecki

PR Strategist | Agency Owner | Helping B2B, B2C & Nonprofits Shine with Earned Media Coverage & Thought Leadership Visibility | Credibility Builder | Storyteller | Your Partner in Impactful Communications

3 年

Absolutely love your posts and newsletters. Thank you for sharing.

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