Why Micro-Traumas are running your teams!

Are you struggling to give the critical feedback that would be needed?

Anxious about that important presentation in the boardroom?

Not speaking up although you know it would be really important?

Chances are, you are being managed by your Micro-Traumas. This means, that you are today reacting in a way that you learned to do in the past but actually does not serve you any longer. We often build an emotional or behavioral pattern to an overwhelming event that we could not deal with well as children. And these reaction patterns are still active today and drive our behavior, although we could react differently. But because these old patterns are so strongly engrained, we might not even be aware of them.

These reactions are built during traumatic events, often in our childhood and as young adults. Trauma is defined in many different ways, the easiest definition I found was: An event that happened to you that was...

• Too much
• Too fast
• Too sudden.

Understanding what is driving your thoughts and actions can be crucial to being a successful leader.

For example, me being gay caused the sense of being broken or wrong when I was a child. I was not aware of what was wrong, but it was clear to me that I would need to hide something that I perceived as bad about myself back then. That left me with a strong feeling of being defective and unconsciously fighting that has been a driving force for many years in my life. It has led to hypersensitivity towards the slightest feedback from my managers. But also to constant hustling for my self-worth by always looking for the next job or startup to build, pleasing my manager and my team, holding back on the feedback when needed, and many other behaviors I might not even be aware of.

This is just one personal example of how (Micro-)Traumas might inform our leadership style. Other traumas could be causing feelings of abandonment, a sense of constant failure, or approval-seeking. Here you can find more on these patterns from schema therapy that might help to build a little awareness for yourself.

But what can we actually do to minimize the effect these traumas have on us, our team, and our businesses?

1.Create awareness around your own potential (Micro-)Traumas

Do you recognize when your thoughts or actions are driven by something that is not truly you? It could be that you are easily irritable in certain aspects, feel less confident toward a certain type of person or you go home from work and feel a little ashamed of how you reacted at a certain moment. This might be pointing to something that is not your true self and is worth investigating further.

Becoming aware of thought- or behavioral patterns like anxiety, restlessness, or defensiveness are essential in leading from your authentic self. Mindfulness, meditation, and other somatic-based techniques can support this process of awareness building.

2. Understand the origin of your current behavioral and thought patterns

It often helps to trace your current thought or action patterns back to the events that caused them in the first place. This might increase the understanding of why you are reacting in certain moments the way you do, and why it might not be serving you, your partner, or your team anymore. It means understanding your history and digging deeper to see what has impacted your worldviews and formed these trauma patterns.

Here is a simple tool from CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) that helps you to understand your patterns a bit more and offers a way to turn them around.

3. Work through your Micro-Traumas

There are many different ways to lessen the power of your micro-traumas. Therapy is an obvious and very powerful one. Mindfulness can be helpful as well as it supports the process of being in touch with yourself and what is happening inside.

Another point is to talk about them with friends and maybe even colleagues. This might feel weird and scary but could be exactly what is changing the dynamics. It helps to be open, honest and builds a connection with yourself, and takes away the power from these traumas, schemas, or patterns. It's like taking a ghost from the past out into the sunshine, all of a sudden it is less powerful, less scary, and way more manageable.

What I have learned to be a powerful way is to create different behavioral and through patterns that you pull up when you feel your traumas are being triggered again. That means to have a list of thoughts and actions ready that will help you to reassure yourself, engage in positive self-talk and take action that supports how you really want to show up in the world.

These steps take conscious effort but will, step by step, support you to run your team, your relationships, and businesses how you really want to! It will give you back the power to be in charge and not be driven by your Micro-Traumas anymore.

If you want to learn more about how I work with trauma-informed coaching, reach out!