Why Miami and I Lost Amazon HQ2

Déjà vu! In a flash, it happened again, or at least felt like it. It’s only been a couple of weeks since I lost the mega billion dollar lottery (https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/i-lost-lotto-greg-brenner-ms-sphr-shrm-scp/) I just came to terms that my lump sum bank account looks eerily the same before and after the lotto drawing. It’s empty-ish. But I have to move on. And I did. Until now, when another big blow came my way.

Miami, my home city in the Sunshine State of Florida, has lost again. (The fact that we can’t figure out how to count votes during an election is not what I am talking about. Everyone has talents, administering elections cannot be counted as one of ours.) 

Miami and I lost. Just like the lotto, we all dreamed of what could be. We wanted the second headquarters of Amazon, called HQ2, to come to us. If we had won, we would have been on the path to add 50,000 high paying jobs and the opportunity to add 50,000 more cars to our crowded highways. But, Amazon’s leadership decided not to choose us.

Why not us? Are we not pretty enough? Sophisticated enough? Or have the charm to bedazzle a billionaire to pick us and take his talents to South Beach? No, I guess not. We lost to New York City and Northern Virginia. The lotto balls have been picked and once again, I have come up empty. Amazon is not coming to South Florida.

Since the announcement of dissing us (we are not bitter, just a bit hurt), I have pondered the question of why the Amazonian people did not pick us. Why did they choose NYC and the DC area? Based on my research, I have figured out the top ten reasons why we were not invited to the dance.

The top ten reasons why Amazon did not pick Miami for HQ2:

10.  Amazon was afraid about issues with counting inventory.

I don’t understand this one at all. We only have issues with elections. We have no state tax, because we couldn’t figure out how to calculate it. Besides that, we have no other counting issues here. I will keep score for us. Advantage them.

Miami 634 -– NYC/D.C. 362

9. The Beach.

Amazon HR must have a “no beach” policy during working hours. They were unwilling to axe the policy during negotiations with local politicians. It was a major sticking point for Amazon, being a 24/7/365 business. They can’t afford anyone to ever take off time. Forget the beach. Too much temptation not to work. Amazon would not budge.

Miami 0 – NYC/D.C. 2

8. Porch Pirates were more attractive than our Pirates.

Amazon has figured out everything with one exception, Porch Pirates. Those people that steal our Amazon boxes right off the front Porch before we get home. They probably have a plan for those pirates, but they have no idea how to handle our Pirates of the Caribbean. Advantage, not us.  

Miami 0 – NYC/D.C. 3

7. Miami feels like a mini NYC.

Their leadership felt like why not just go to the real one instead? So they did.

Miami 0 -– NYC/D.C. 4

6. Jeff Bezos went to high school in Miami

You would think this would have been a huuuugggee advantage for us. Well, it’s not. It turns out that Jeff did not want to re-live those glorious years we all had in high school. You know what I mean, with all that acne and the lunch money that was lost and found by members of the football team, the hours that people like Jeff and me spent inside our own lockers wondering when someone might finally hear our banging to let us out. Jeff failed to realize that high school experiences are what makes a billionaire a billionaire. He dismissed his roots.

Miami 0 -– NYC/D.C. 5

5. Amazon could not figure out how to use charter fishing boats for deliveries

They wanted to expand the delivery system to the ocean. "Project Grouper" is still in the testing phase.

Miami 0 -– NYC/D.C. 6

4. Eventually they will move here anyway

This is not an exaggeration; all New Yorkers move to Florida when they get older. They drive slowly in the fast lane with their blinkers on. They have no intention of ever switching lanes. Wait, I might be confusing New Yorkers with Uber drivers. Amazon felt like “Hey, we will eventually retire to South Florida anyway, let’s not go too early.”

Miami 0 -– NYC/D.C. 7

3. They wanted to be associated with winners

This one stung. They realized the Miami Dolphins have not had a winning season since 1972, and the Miami Marlins stopped playing baseball five years ago and forgot to tell anyone in their box office. So instead, Amazon picks the power houses NY Jets and NY Knicks over us, who have a combined record of 15 wins and 42,000 losses. To me, this was a wash.

Miami .5 -– NYC/D.C. 8.5

2. Amazon was worried about the local talent.

Contrary to popular belief it’s not all margarita machines, thongs, and wearing palm frond hats here. They must think us Miamians come to work and drink from our water coolers filled with day-glo frozen adult beverages, singing Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville all day. Wrong! We only do that on days that end with a Y. Besides, Miamians know that all New Yorkers are rude taxi drivers and all DC residents are wealthy lobbyists. I think that is another tie. Wait, I can’t remember where my red solo cup went.

Miami 1 – NYC/D.C. 5

1.  The number one reason why Amazon isn’t coming to Miami is _________________ Alligators cannot be legally shipped using Amazon Prime

This was the tipping point and sealed our fate. We remain with our wacky news stories, a top vacation destination with wonderful beaches, and our non-winter weather (it’s 85 degrees here today and 30 something in NYC, so there).  

Final Score: Miami 1 -– NYC/D.C. 9

And, just like that, the game was over. By my scoring (which is legit), I am not sure we were ever in the game. In the end, we didn’t get picked. Losers again.

Who wanted them here anyway?! Not me! All we would have gotten in return was new and better roadways, more awesome restaurants and more items we can buy and get in 2 hours instead waiting for two very long days to pass. Also, there is no way with the Amazon investment they would have let us slowly sink into the Atlantic Ocean! Do they sell life preservers? 

Well, maybe it would have been cool to have HQ2 come here. But it’s not our reality.

There are always lessons in losing. Could we have done something different here and possibly have gotten a different outcome? Of course. Losing doesn’t define us, it only makes us stronger. When things don’t go your way either at work or at home, it’s important to know that life does go on.

This week in the United States is our Thanksgiving holiday. Thanksgiving is by far and away my most favorite holiday. Outside of the historical events that took place, it’s all about gratitude. As life whizzes by like those white Amazon delivery trucks en route to bring us our stuff, I wish you all a wonderful, happy and healthy Thanksgiving. I am so grateful to be part of the U, and to have so much awesomeness around me from my tribe, my colleagues, network, friends and family. To my family, I love you, you always make me feel like a winner, even in the face of a loss.

Now, there’s a box on the porch with that familiar upturned arrow. I’m just going to stare at it for a while and try to remember what I ordered before I open it up.

Onward and Up!

Greg  

Greg Brenner is The HR Dad. His passions are with all things people. In collaboration with his incredible wife, he has two wonderful kids, a fifteen-year-old son and a twelve-year-old daughter who make him indistinctly qualified to be the Dad.

He leads a delightful tribe who has taught him to learn, inspire and grow as the Assistant Vice President of Talent and Organizational Development at the fantastic University of Miami and Health System – UHealth.

He cherishes the time to write about HR, leadership, and daily life. Thanks to his tribe, colleagues, network, and family, he has plenty of material. Writer’s block is never a problem.