Why Men Find it Hard to Change?

Hey Everyone,

Why do men often struggle to seek help and embrace change? It's a topic close to my heart, and I feel compelled to share my thoughts and experience on this with you.

Firstly, let’s acknowledge that this is not an easy conversation to have, let alone expect someone to act upon. Admittedly, I feel a bit apprehensive about speaking up about it, but it's essential to shed light on this issue because staying silent could be more detrimental than speaking up.

We live in a world where help is readily available in many forms: coaching, support groups, therapy, counselling, retreats—you name it. But for many men, myself included, these spaces can be incredibly intimidating.

Why? It's because we've been handed a playbook for life—a set of rules dictating that we must keep calm, carry on, and never show our vulnerability. "Be a man," they say. "Men don't cry. Keep it to yourself."

But what happens when we realise that this playbook no longer serves us? I can tell you right now that we know this doesn’t serve us. I have met thousands of men who’ve all been given this playbook. Not one of them has ever said to me that crying is bad or that being open about how we feel is wrong. Once again, we know what is good for us, but what we are faced with is a daunting leap of faith as the fear of judgment and persecution looms large. In today's world, with eyes on our every move, the stakes feel higher than ever leading many men to shy from taking that leap of faith.

That's where I believe my purpose lies—to bridge the gap between the man trapped by the playbook of life he has been given and the man he aspires to be. We need spaces where men can practice vulnerability without fear of judgement, where the stakes are low, and it doesn’t feel like a large leap of faith. If we expect men to see change as something inviting, then self-help for men needs to be rebranded in a way that makes the topic feel exciting. For starters, we can rebrand ‘Self-Help’ to ‘Personal Development’ as that language is more appealing and marketable to men.

And that's precisely what Men's Day represents to me—a platform for men to come together, learn, and grow in a supportive environment. It's about providing a safe space where men can experiment with a new playbook, make mistakes, f*ck it up even and have fun in the process. Men’s Day is a step between where we are stuck currently and where we both want to be and where society expects us to be. Here is an example of this. More than 90% of my 1:1 clients have come about as a result of Men’s Day and the majority of those men had never dared to work with a therapist, coach, or counsellor before. Men’s Day was a soft entry into the world of personal development. For them, Men’s Day was cool and exciting enough that it outweighed the fear of possibly getting it wrong or maybe feeling ashamed at trying to change.

If we want meaningful change to occur, we must create these safe, easily accessible spaces where men can practice vulnerability and accountability without fear. They must have permission to get it wrong first or they will never get it right.

Please get in touch if you have thoughts on this. We are better off sharing what we think and feel rather than bottling it in. I’d love to hear from you.

Big love,

Ben

PS: If you are at all interested in Men's Day or my coaching, just reach out here or via email [[email protected]]. Men's Day is happening in London (14/07), Manchester (04/08) and Devon (tbc)