Why Not Me?

If you don’t know where you’re going, how are you going to get there?

A coach recently asked me this, as I was in the process of working through my third personal vision statement in as many years. This didn’t use to be an annual activity for me. I created my first vision statement while sitting in a conference room at a Holiday Inn in the Seattle suburbs. I was there for a three-day coaching workshop, and we must have been on day two. There were 50 or so of us, lined up in our rows of plush-yet-terribly-uncomfortable conference chairs. Workshop notebooks had been turned to the page on Vision Statements, and each of us was hunched over a blank space positioned directly under a writing prompt:

If in five years, you had exactly what you wanted in all aspects of your life, how would that look? 

If I had exactly what I wanted in all aspects of my life, how would that look?? I had no idea. I couldn’t even think of exactly what I wanted in one aspect of my life. I started sweating. The chair got even less comfortable. I took off my jacket. Changed my mind. Put it back on. Spilled my water bottle. Resumed sweating.

Ok, what did the instructor say? Center myself first? Why is this so hard? I finally gave in, settled down, and just started writing. My clumsy first sentences turned into a smoother flow of thoughts. I could picture where I’d be living. What my career looks like. Who I’m spending time with. Where I’m vacationing. The vision that I shaped on that damp spiral notebook was a purposeful, enriching, beautiful life. And in that moment, I dared to want it. Bad. Immediately following that desire was a feeling of despair. How could I ever hope to achieve that life? I mean, who was I to want that? What made me think that I deserved such a beautiful life?

Fortunately, my inner coach kicked in. “Wait a minute,” I told myself. “Someone out there is going to have that life. They are going to have all of those amazing experiences and achievements. What separates them from me? Are we so different? Why not me?” Indeed, why not me. I’d coached myself right out of the imposter syndrome freak out that visioning can often cause, and I centered myself on this single question. Why not me?

Since that workshop, I’ve continued to refined my vision. I still look back at that first one, and I’m happy to say that several of the items in that vision have already come true. I like to go back and highlight them once I’ve achieved them. And there’s much more that I’m still working towards. Yet I can still feel that inner skepticism creep in when I picture all that I want for my life. When that happens, I just remind myself. Why not me? And it brings me back to believing in what is possible. I believe that I can will this life into being by picturing clearly where I want to go, and working steadily on the steps to get there.

There’s so much compelling research out there about the power of envisioning success. Why do so many of us avoid doing it? I picture myself back in that uncomfortable hotel chair, sweating over my notebook. We avoid it because it’s hard. To dream big is to say that we are worthy of the life we desire. And once we believe in our worthiness and see the possibilities, then we have to go act on it. After all, if we are worthy and it’s possible, what’s left standing in our way? The answer is scary: just ourselves.

Rather than face the truth that we are the only ones standing in the way of the life we want, many of us take the safer way out. Better not to dream big, and certainly safer not to think it’s possible.

As a coach, I help my clients get past the discomfort of creating a vision and facing the possibility that yes- it could actually come true! Depending on the client and their needs, we get after the vision statement in different ways. Here’s a few of the ways you can approach visioning:

• Journal it: Using the prompt from my coaching workshop, write down your vision in as much detail as you can. Where are you living? What do you do for work? What are your hobbies? Who do you spend time with? Where do you vacation?
• Use guided meditation: If a client is feeling particularly stuck, I’ll take them through a guided meditation. Close your eyes and picture yourself in five years. Where are you? What do you see, feel, hear, smell, taste? Paint the picture clearly in your mind.
• Talk it out: Sit down with a friend (or better yet a coach) and talk through your vision using the same prompts as above. Some people process information by talking out loud, and this can be a great way to draw out your vision. Have your friend ask follow up questions to draw out more details.
• Create a vision board: Some people find it less intimidating to start with pictures rather than words. Not sure what a vision board is? Think magazine collages, circa first grade. Gather images that represent your vision. I like to put them up on a cork board so I can easily make changes.
• Dream 100 dreams: Another way to approach your vision is to start with 100 separate ideas. This method is fun and fanciful, but it can be a good starting point. Think of it as a bucket list, but better. Check out my blog post on 100 Dreams for more details.

Not sure which method is right for you? I’d love to help! (Visioning has become one of my favorite things to do with clients.) Reach out for a free exploratory coaching session.