Why 'Love and Stuff' Is Never Like the Movies!

Presented by Andrew S. Linick, Ph.D. /The Datingologist? https://www.facebook.com/groups/SupernaturalDating

If only real life were like the movies…sigh… The Super-couples in movies never have problems like WE do… well, they have different problems.

What would Han do to save Leia, if she was in trouble? Anything… What would Jack give to save Rose? Everything… What would Romeo do for the love and life of his Juliet? 

Same as above... So we have these examples, and we hope that this is what real life can be like.

What comes to mind when you think of the above couples? Passion, romance, drama, desire, sacrifice, electricity, devotion! You think of ‘TRUE LOVE’, in capital letters. 

This is the standard set before us, of what real romance should be. This is what we hope for, thinking real life CAN be like the movies…No Evil Empire too bad, no Iceberg too big, no overbearing, overprotective family too difficult, to keep these lovers apart!

Here are some differences between relationships in the movies, and real life relationships:

1) Your relationship is not frozen in time.

Movies classically climax at the end. Everything builds up to the stereotyped big moment where the two people either get together, or get back together (from an earlier breakup). They kiss, everyone’s happy, and the credits roll. This gives the illusion that the relationship is going to last in blissful happiness forever. They’ve put all the issues or courtship behind them, and they’re going to be happy in that moment for the rest of their lives. If only movies showed what’s next, after the big, climactic moment. 

They move forward, live their daily lives, have changes in moods, get in arguments, sometimes don’t want to be around each other, have good days, etc. 

Sure, arguments exist in the movies, but they’re usually either there to build the tension in the romance, or to feed a separate plot point. In real life, the arguments in relationships aren’t about creating a mood for an observing audience, leading to a climax.

2) Your relationship is not scripted.

Movies have their own version of romance. As just alluded to, movies carefully script their courtships to increase the tension, creating this excitement for the viewers of when it’s “finally” going to happen. 

While sexual and emotional tension happens in reality, there is no pre-organized script of how your relationship is going to be, and what obstacles may come up. 

In the movies, there’s a greater agenda, and each scene is planned out to help get there. In reality, there are things that come up that couples need to deal with, and there’s no planned outcome. In a sense, life is a string of experiences and events, while the movies have a fixed goal that the preceding moments build towards.

3) Your life isn’t only about your relationship.

Movies would have us believe that every moment is spent dwelling on the relationship. In reality, you have other things to deal with in your life — like work, friends, children, family, paying bills, running errands, cleaning your home, eating meals, etc. This is an issue that plagues many idealized relationship fantasies. 

Movies show only the scenes that are relevant to the plot, and leaves out all the irrelevant scenes. People who idealize relationships from movies tend to think that their partner needs to be constantly thinking about them, or acting with them in mind throughout their days. 

The movies would have us believe that every move we make is all about the romance.

There are loads of examples, but the overall idea is to be cautious of how movies portray love and relationships. Take mental note of what you see in movies, especially if they seem “perfect” or “ideal”. Odds are, the movie is splitting off from reality when we see perfection. 

If you want to have a healthy and mutual relationship, understanding yourself within the reality of daily life (emotionally and otherwise) is the key. Is your relationship a Movie Romance—tell us about it here. Be well. Love and laugh often!—ASL