Why losing is so important!
Tim Akhmedov
Make Websites into Sales Systems: Local SEO, Lead Automation & Conversion Funnels (that turn into actual customers, not fluffy metrics to impress you with)
Nobody likes to lose! It stings, it bruises the ego and it carries such a negative connotation. Yet, we will all lose many times throughout our lives. Whether it's losing a soccer game when you're 7 or losing a huge sale for your business, the feeling of defeat is a universal emotion. Yet, the aftermath of a loss is badly misunderstood and mishandled, often leading to a detrimental outlook on the process of dealing with defeat and growing as a result of it.
As a tennis player, I've experienced losing more times than I'd like to remember! It never feels good and often times after a loss my tendency was to shrink inward or act aloof and un-bothered by the visceral sense of failure. As a coach, I have also witnessed loss on many occasions and everyone deals with it in their own way, whether responding with anger, excuse-making, blaming or sulking. It is exactly in this moment when there is a huge opportunity for emotional and mental growth. I wish I had this insight much earlier in life as it would have helped me capitalize on these incredibly valuable opportunities.
"Losing is only temporary and not all encompassing. You must simply study it, learn from it, and try hard not to lose the same way again. Then you must have the self-control to forget about it." - John Wooden
With this framework in mind, losing can become a healthy and nurturing part of the journey to evolving. Interestingly, we do this naturally with things that are of little importance to us (like when you went to TopGolf with your friends and just had fun "failing"). Yet when it comes to things we care a lot about, our insecurities and preconceived notions of an outcome cloud our ability to simply enjoy the process of improving.
“...It is when we act freely, for the sake of the action itself rather than for ulterior motives, that we learn to become more than what we were.” ― Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Flow: The Psychology of Happiness
If we learned to approach the big challenges in our lives with the same curiosity we do our hobbies, mental engagement and neural activation would increase, leading to more creative problem-solving. Studies have consistently shown that "free-play" helps children and adults not become tunnel-visioned on the end result and has shown to increase spatial reasoning as well as the ability to pivot more flexibly when faced with a difficult obstacle.
"Play and exploration trigger the secretion of BDNF, a substance essential for the growth of brain cells" -https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3310485/
If you are a parent, do your children a huge favor and let them FAIL. Fail often! Teach them to frame the "failure" as a necessary and healthy part of the process. Show them through your own actions that the only time you truly LOSE is when you don't learn anything from the experience!