Why is losing a Hero personal? And how can we choose better heroes?

"I can't believe he could do this. I can't support my football club anymore."

Read the Instagram post of a friend of mine who happens to be a Manchester United supporter. As Christiano Ronaldo made a fairytale come back to his old club, the media started reporting every relevant or irrelevant story ever told about the superstar.?

Unfortunately, my friend stumbled upon the alleged?rape case?in which Christiano is the accused and found his world imploding in front of him.?

But my friend is not an exception, is he? As someone who has (figuratively) lost a hero recently, I could easily resonate with him.?

The first reaction when we fans find about a misdeed of their icon is not of disgust. It is of shock and sheer disappointment. Our internal voice screams - "No, Not you too!" Other emotions find us later.

For a fan, losing a hero is not just a jolt to their icon's image, It is the total shattering of the belief system. It makes them contemplate their entire thought process and question every person that they have ever trusted.?

To the fan, it feels like something very wrong has happened to the world. As if the sun would not rise tomorrow, or the moon has been plucked away!?

But why is it so?

Why is Losing a Hero personal, Always??

To understand why we take the image (and its fall) of our heroes so personally, let's understand the definition of 'Hero' and its beginnings:

• The word "Hero" comes from ancient Greece. For the Greeks, a hero was a mortal who had done something so far beyond the normal scope of human experience that he left an immortal memory behind him when they died and thus received worship like that due to the gods.
• More than a half-century ago, Carl Jung proposed that all humans have collectively inherited unconscious images, known as?archetypes. These archetypes result from millions of years of evolution, and their purpose is to prepare us for these common experiences. Current research also shows that even newborn babies have a preference for moral people.??

The statements above clearly chalk out two things -?

1. We worship our heroes. We could have followed them; we could have just honored them or simply respected them more than a regular joe. But No. WE WORSHIP THEM! And we have been doing it from time immemorial.
2. Having heroes is an innate need of human beings. We are designed to have idols.?

And this is why losing a hero hits us so hard. When our symbol of worship is taken away from us and our innate need is unmet, we feel like the loss is deeply personal and our whole world is crashing down.?

Should we not have heroes?

The reality is - all our heroes are human, and therefore, all of them are flawed. And the moment these flaws come into the light, they have the potential to bring down the God-like images of our heroes.?

So, the natural question comes - "Would we not be better off without having heroes?"

"Eh, No."

We largely define our ideals by the heroes we choose, and our ideals -- things like courage, honor, and justice -- largely define us. Therefore it is necessary that not only do we have heroes, but we choose them purposefully.

We largely define our ideals by the heroes we choose, and our ideals -- things like courage, honor, and justice -- largely define us. Therefore it is necessary that not only do we have heroes, but we choose them purposefully.

How to have better heroes?

It is pretty easy to understand that someone with Mahatma Gandhi as their idol will have a very different mindset, and thus a different life compared to someone looking up to a Paris Hilton.?

However, what about the Tiger Woods and Lance Armstrongs of the world? What to do when your seemingly heroic idol is caught doing very non-heroic acts?

The first instinct is often of outrage, followed mostly by hopelessness and finally with a total non-believer in any good in the world.?

However, a better response might be separating the person and their acts.?

Even though we always back our heroes as fans, we should be comfortable criticizing them when their actions go against our principles. Rather than becoming cynical of creating any ideals whatsoever, we need to isolate the things that make our heroes noteworthy and understand that their flaws only make them more like us, which makes them human. If they can waver, fall down but rise back to accomplish greatness. We might just too.?Cynicism is too often merely an excuse for sparing ourselves the effort.

Conclusion?

As human beings, we have an innate habit of equating superior competency with higher moral standards.

As human beings, we have an innate habit of equating superior competency with higher moral standards.

We need to understand that the excellence of a particular skill or virtue that we admire in our heroes doesn't always transfer into moral superiority.?The best way perhaps is to try and emulate the admirable characteristics of our idol while keeping our ideals separate from them.

Till the day, we can take inspiration from Ronaldo, the footballer, and not Ronaldo, the person; our heroes will continue to inspire us.?