Why leave Google?

It’s been 6 weeks since my last day.

It’s easy to talk about dreams but incredibly difficult to put into words the feeling of purpose. It’s an invisible, powerful thing. It’s not obvious. There was a time when Dad would go to the roof to adjust the satellite and Mom would sit downstairs in the living room on the phone with him, watching a mess of grey and white noise on the TV start to take shape. “Ab?” he’d ask, Urdu for “Now?”

“Nope,” she’d answer, and they’d keep going. Her, watching and waiting for some colour or sound to appear and Dad slowly moving things around in the hopes of catching a signal. Both working and waiting for something good to take shape.?

Finding your purpose feels like that.

I started at Google in August 2017 as an awestruck 20 something with many of the traditional life milestones behind me; I had an undergrad, had held a few jobs, was already married, owned a home and had moved countries a few times. I’d known love, loss and terror more than once. I’d also come a long way from not knowing how I was going to pay rent.??

When I first moved to Canada I was in the fifth grade & obsessed with headbands. We used to wear them a lot in school in Riyadh. Like so many immigrants, our family came to live in Mississauga because my parents were trying to set up a better future for their family. Their courage & ability to leap into the unknown was lost on me. I didn’t know the turmoil, I felt safe. Mom still made kebabs in our Canadian kitchen and you could still watch DuckTales on TV.? In those early days, it was easy to choose what I already knew. Standing in a Zellers accessory aisle one day, I picked out a headband for my first day of school. The bright orange accessory was actually an ear warmer. You were supposed to take it off when you came indoors. I hadn’t a clue. I wore the thing all the time and instantly became the dork that didn’t know any better. It didn’t matter. It was familiar. I felt safe.

But the second time I moved to Canada, I came alone.?

Somewhere along the path of growing up, we start to choose things not because they are familiar, but because they fit a version of ourselves only we know to be true. How we dress, what we pick from a menu, what we choose to speak about…somewhere along the way, the choices start to become less about what is safe and familiar. Leaning towards the person I want to become has never let me down.

We moved to the US when I was in high school. But when I graduated from Rutgers, my status in the country was expiring and I suddenly had a choice: 1) continue on to a Masters program as an International student, 2) let my parents talk about an arranged marriage or 3) leave the country. To my family, the first two were the only choices. I took the third.

The first few years alone were tough.? I’ve been blessed with a family of curious, funny and fundamentally good people. Not everyone is. I worked my way out of that stage, but I’ll always be grateful for the struggle. There’s an element of luck and timing about life, but I’ve found that choosing what you don’t want is just as powerful as what you do.?

When I applied for the Google role, I didn’t know anyone there. It took three months to make it through the hiring process. The Hardware team was growing in Canada. My job was to hire and build vendor teams that could go to stores and get sales associates excited about what we sold. Call it training or advocacy, but fundamentally you have to understand people and get them to move work forward. I loved it! It took me the better part of a year just to calm down and get over the shock of making it through. How could they pick me? Here was that luck and timing at work again.

In my almost 5 years, I grew quickly. I levelled up (Google-speak for getting promoted), got accepted into Master Faculty, co-led a pillar for Women@TOR and picked up another region.?

But I grew more through conversations with real, genuine people. These little moments stretched my understanding of myself and what’s possible. Here's my top 3:

1) The freedom to fall & real impact

A few years ago I was about to meet my new boss in a weird way. It was going to happen while we were both representing a part of the Canadian business at an important vendor meeting. I’d been working on this project for months, and the partner we chose would stay with us for years. It was a big deal. I was grumpily expecting him to walk in and sort of take over. He didn’t. “Hey, so, do your thing okay? I’ve got your back,” he said to me as we were walking in. I couldn’t believe it. I’ve never taken more risks in a role or seen greater impact than with my time with him.

2) Leadership and humility

At an offsite once, I found a moment to introduce a really cool speaker to our Director. Using his title felt too formal, so instead I said, “This is Jake, we all belong to him,” gesturing to the 100+ people in the room. He immediately started shaking his head, got quieter and said, “No no, I belong to all of them.”?

3) Courage and knowing yourself

Each of my Google colleagues is an absolute powerhouse professionally. Some of them keep it so real it’s hard not to grow personally around them. When I was going through something tough and feeling paralyzed with indecision, one of them looked me in the eyes and said. “You already know what you want to do, but I think you’re waiting for me to give you permission to do it.” Talk about truth-bomb!

I cannot imagine a better team of people & I'm counting on my relationships outlasting our job titles. I'll always be thankful for my time.

So why leave?

Because I need to. I’m called to do something. I started writing The Empathy Project last year; the world needs its message. Leading upto the last few months, every time I finished a project, hired a team or negotiated a contract, I was haunted by the work I wasn’t doing, the words I wasn’t writing, the change I wasn’t sparking. I could 1) wait to finish it, 2) keep slowly writing it and working at the same time or 3) I could leap and do it full time. I’m picking the third option.

It’s hard to watch the news. I keep seeing people struggling to connect, or worse not treating each other as people at all. We need more empathy, starting from a place of humble curiosity. I know I’m writing this from a place of privilege; I come from a happy family, own a business, live in a safe place and have the blessing of health & time. But how can I have all this, and not try? I simply believe that we can do better.

I’ve seen first hand the impact we can have on each other when we’re vulnerable and curious. But I’ve also seen people take risks, move their families and work to build a better future. So I am leaving behind the familiar, and known.?

The book is real. I can see it. My greater purpose? Like that TV signal decades ago in Saudi Arabia, the images and colours are starting to take shape.?

I will keep moving in their direction.?