Why Leadership Styles in Tech Differ for Women (and How to Adapt)

When I first stepped into leadership, I felt like I had to mold myself into someone I wasn’t—charismatic, extroverted, and bold.

The “traditional” leadership style I saw around me wasn’t me. As an introvert, I’m quiet in meetings. I prefer deep, one-on-one conversations to big group discussions. I lead with empathy, curiosity, and transparency—not loudness.

For a long time, I thought these qualities might hold me back. But over the years, I’ve realized that leadership for women in tech is different. We don’t have to conform to outdated expectations to succeed. Instead, we can adapt while staying true to ourselves—and bring our unique strengths to the table.

Here’s what I’ve learned about navigating leadership as a woman in tech, along with actionable tips to help you thrive authentically.

1. The Bias is Real—But It Doesn’t Define You

I’ll never forget when I was on the verge of a promotion, but senior leaders—who didn’t know me well—objected. They doubted I was a “fit” for the role. It was clear to me that their perception was rooted in bias. I didn’t fit the mold of the extroverted, charismatic white male leader they were used to.

It was frustrating and infuriating. But what saved me was my support network. My manager and peers stepped up and advocated for me, helping others see the value I brought to the table.

Tip: Build relationships with your manager and other stakeholders early. A strong support network can help counteract biases and open doors when others underestimate you.

2. Visibility Doesn’t Require Loudness

As an introvert, I’ve never been the loudest voice in the room. But I’ve found other ways to make an impact.

One example: I initiated a collaboration with an external organization to improve our employer branding and hire more diverse talent. This wasn’t tied to my team’s goals but was something I deeply believed in. The impact went far beyond my immediate responsibilities, earning me sponsorship from our Chief People Officer.

Visibility doesn’t mean shouting about your achievements. It means owning your contributions and showing the value you bring—on your terms.

Tip: Share your work authentically by seeking feedback. For example, have a “feedback conversation” with stakeholders about something you’ve delivered. It highlights your contributions while inviting input, creating visibility in a natural way.

3. Relationships Are Your Secret Weapon

Leadership isn’t just about driving results—it’s about building trust.

Once, I had to deliver bad news to a product leader during a team crisis.

To maintain trust, I first acknowledged what I knew was important to him and asked questions to ensure I fully understood his priorities.

Then, I shared the bad news directly, in a style that matched his communication preferences.

Finally, I proposed a solution that addressed his needs. Because I had built trust and communicated thoughtfully, he agreed immediately.

Tip: Invest time in understanding what’s important to the people you work with and tailor your communication to their style. Strong relationships make tough conversations much smoother.

4. Adapt Without Losing Yourself

Early in my leadership journey, I learned a hard lesson about transparency. I shared company challenges too openly with my team, and it hurt morale. That experience taught me to balance honesty with emotional awareness.

Another challenge was public speaking—a skill that doesn’t come naturally to me as an introvert. I overcame it by practicing, recording myself, and getting feedback from trusted peers. Over time, I built confidence without compromising my authenticity.

Tip: Before sharing sensitive information, ask yourself: What’s the value in sharing this? How might it impact morale? Filtering what you share isn’t about hiding the truth—it’s about communicating thoughtfully.

5. Support Makes All the Difference

If I could give my younger self one piece of advice, it would be this:

You don’t have to do it alone.

One of my most impactful mentors was a former manager who supported me when I was first transitioning into leadership. He believed in me and constantly reminded me to trust my instincts.

His question, “What’s the worst that can happen?” became my mantra when I felt hesitant to take action.

Tip: Identify people who build your confidence and encourage you. Whether it’s a mentor, an ERG group, or a supportive friend, surround yourself with people who lift you up and help you grow.

3 Actionable Tips for Women in Tech Leadership

1. Be yourself and know your worth. Don’t compare yourself to others. If you’re unsure of your value, ask trusted peers for feedback to gain clarity.

2. Focus on relationships. Understanding your colleagues’ communication styles and priorities builds trust and collaboration.

3. Lean into challenges as opportunities. Ask yourself, “How can this challenge help me grow?” Approach obstacles with curiosity and a growth mindset.

Leadership Isn’t One-Size-Fits-All

Embracing my unique leadership style has shaped my career and helped me build trust with my team and stakeholders. More importantly, it’s allowed me to support others—bringing more women into tech and helping them grow and thrive.

Women bring perspectives and strengths that tech desperately needs. We don’t have to sacrifice our values to succeed. My advice? Stay true to yourself, adapt when needed, and lean on your support system.

What about you?

Have you faced challenges navigating leadership as a woman in tech?

How have you adapted your leadership style while staying authentic?

I’d love to hear your story—let’s start a conversation.