Why Leaders Fail to Develop Leaders: Two-Thirds are Uncomfortable with Direct Communication

Last fall I drove to Asheville, North Carolina to facilitate a session for a client.  I left early to enjoy the fall colors, so I got there ahead of schedule.  I found a comfortable spot in the back of the room to sip my coffee while a presenter named Nick wrapped up from the earlier meeting.

Nick had way too much dry information and ran 20 minutes over the allotted time.  He lectured—he didn’t engage his teammates in the conversation.  They squirmed, rolled their eyes and looked at their watches. Nick was oblivious.

The senior manager, Tom, thanked Nick for a great presentation but once he was gone, his teammates joked about him being a bore.  Later I asked Tom if he had ever given Nick feedback on his presentation style and he hesitated, “Well, no—you can’t tell Nick anything.” 

Interact Report: Leaders Shrink from Straight Talk

Tom helps make up the 69% of managers who experience discomfort communicating with their team members, according to the latest Interact Report conducted in partnership with the Harris Poll.  Our report shows that the dominant area of discomfort for leaders is giving employees negative feedback.  The fear of hurting people’s feelings and facing drama and retribution is real.  More than a third (37%) of America’s business leaders say they shrink from having to give direct feedback/criticism about their employee’s performance when they might respond badly.

Five Focus Area for Helpful Feedback

Managers who want become authentic leaders have to get this right.  Here are the areas of focus for giving helpful versus hurtful feedback:

1. Be Direct and Specific, but Be Kind

Don’t beat around the bush.  Feedback should include specific examples of the behavior that’s not working.  On the other hand, being direct does not require being unkind. Feedback should be an incentive for an individual to step into their aspirations.   

2. Listen

Listening provides a space in which people can feel respected. Ideally a direct feedback conversation is meant to spark learning on both sides—both sides must understand the situation together in order to make positive change. 

 3. Don’t Make it Personal

Imagined malice is toxic. Acknowledge the emotions being felt but not with the dark energy of being personally wronged.  This offers the recipient a relief valve for any stress they might experience.

 4. Show Up, Be Present and Stay

Show up, be fully present—and don’t rush off after a tough conversation. Be brave enough to allow moments of silence to come into the conversation. Follow up so that afterthoughts don’t create distance.

 5. Inspire 

Appreciate the talent and contribution of the recipient.  Tap into the aspiration for who they can become.  Respectful, direct feedback restores the individual and the team to sanity.  It costs absolutely nothing except an emotional investment of honesty, taking the risk of a bad reaction…and being uncomfortable.

The stakes are just too high for managers to avoid having difficult conversations with their employees. In the absence of real conversations, we become less powerful and ineffective.  Team communication breaks down.  Managers become irrelevant.  But for leaders who get it right, feedback can create collaboration, a culture of connection and sustainable change.

What are your best practices when providing employees with helpful feedback?  

Visit us at www.interactauthentically.com. Follow me on twitter @LMSolomon.