"Why Lasting Change is So Hard & How to Overcome It | Expert Insights"

"We Aren't in Masonry Restoration. We’re in Human Development—Financed by Masonry Repair."

Why Lasting Change is So Hard

Change is something we all desire at some level—whether it’s in our careers, relationships, habits, or the way we see ourselves. Yet, if change were easy, we wouldn’t be struggling with the same patterns, the same limiting beliefs, or the same old habits year after year.

So, why is lasting change so hard?

The answer lies in how we are wired. As humans, we find safety in consistency. We attach emotions to our stories, and those emotions create an illusion of safety—even if what we’re experiencing is far from ideal. The idea of change may sound exciting, but our nervous system is wired to protect us from the unknown.

Dr. Joe Dispenza explains this concept in a way that makes it impossible to ignore. By the time you're 35, 95% of who you are is a memorized set of behaviors, emotional reactions, unconscious habits, hardwired attitudes, and beliefs. This means that when you attempt to change, you're fighting against an autopilot system that is running 95% of your life.

For me, when I first learned about this in 2016, it was like getting punched in the gut. I’ve always been a seeker—someone who dives all in when something piques my interest. And when I discovered self-development, my life was never the same.

Most people in my network set goals and work relentlessly toward them. I’m sure you do as well. But if you’ve ever felt like you’re working against yourself, like no matter how hard you push, something keeps pulling you back into old patterns—this is why.

Let’s break it down further.

The Hidden Battle of Change: Fighting 95% of Yourself

Imagine for a second that you’re rowing a boat upstream, against a strong current. That’s exactly what it feels like to change your habits, your beliefs, or your identity. Your subconscious mind—the 95% of you that runs on autopilot—does not want to change. It sees change as a threat because it cannot predict what will happen next.

This realization was both devastating and freeing. Devastating because it made sense why so many people (myself included at one point) feel stuck despite their best efforts. Freeing because once you understand the mechanics of this, you can learn to work with your subconscious instead of against it.

This realization led me on one of the greatest treks I’ve ever taken—the deep exploration of myself.

Lessons from the Deepest Parts of Myself

At first, I thought the journey was about achieving more success, more discipline, more external results. But I quickly realized—it was never about the goals or the things. It was about who I would become along the way.

I consumed everything I could: books, courses, podcasts, coaching programs. I became obsessed with the science of transformation—particularly somatic release, breathwork, and nervous system regulation.

Here’s what I learned about why most people stay stuck:

1. Humans Don’t Like Change (Obviously!)

Even when we say we want something different, our bodies will default to the familiar. If you’ve ever made a plan to change your diet, start a new routine, or build a business—and then found yourself sabotaging it—you’re not crazy. You’re just fighting against the deep programming of your nervous system.

2. We Would Rather Suffer in the Known Than Venture Into the Unknown

This one blew my mind. The brain prioritizes safety over happiness. If you’ve been in a toxic relationship, a dead-end job, or even just a state of anxiety for a long time, your body perceives that as “normal.” Leaving that situation—even for something better—triggers an alert in your brain that says, “Danger! We don’t know what happens next!”

3. Our Brains Filter Everything Into “Known” or “Unknown” (Safe or Unsafe)

This is why exposure to new experiences feels uncomfortable at first. Your brain literally does not have a category for what you are experiencing. And without a reference point, it assumes it’s unsafe.

4. We Must Learn to Emotionally Regulate Ourselves to Feel New Emotions

If you’re used to stress, anger, or disappointment, those emotions become your baseline state. Feeling peace, happiness, or success might actually feel uncomfortable—even if it’s what you say you want. Until we train our nervous system to hold new emotions, we will unconsciously sabotage anything that disrupts our old identity.

5. You Only Get More of What You Already Are

Your external reality is a reflection of your internal programming. If you believe deep down that you’re not worthy of success, love, or abundance, you will keep recreating situations that confirm those beliefs. Change must happen at the identity level—not just through willpower.

So, How Do We Actually Create Lasting Change?

1. Identify & Interrupt Your Old Patterns

Start paying attention to the moments when you fall back into old behaviors. Ask yourself: What emotion am I avoiding? What belief is keeping me here? Awareness is the first step.

2. Get Your Body on Board

Change isn’t just about thinking differently—it’s about feeling differently. Somatic work (breathwork, movement, cold exposure, etc.) can help retrain your nervous system to hold new emotions.

3. Make the Unknown Feel Safe

Your brain resists what it perceives as unsafe. Visualizing success, exposing yourself to new experiences, and taking small, calculated risks helps rewire your nervous system to feel comfortable with change.

4. Rewire Your Identity, Not Just Your Goals

Instead of setting goals like “I want to make more money” or “I want to be healthier,” focus on becoming the kind of person who naturally attracts those results. Shift your identity first, and the behaviors will follow.

5. Regulate Your Nervous System Daily

If you’re constantly in fight-or-flight mode, your brain will resist new opportunities because they feel overwhelming. Practices like breathwork, mindfulness, movement, and gratitude help train your system to feel safe in growth.

Final Thoughts: You Are Not Stuck, You Are Just Conditioned

Most people think they’re “stuck” because they’re not working hard enough. That’s not true. You are only stuck in an old program that has been running for years. The good news? You can rewire it.

We aren’t in the business of masonry restoration. We are in human development—financed by masonry repair. The same principles that apply to restoring a building apply to restoring a person:

• Identify the cracks.
• Remove what’s broken.
• Build a stronger foundation.
• Reinforce it over time.

If you’ve been trying to change but feel like nothing is working, know this: You’re not failing. Your body is just learning to trust the new version of you. Keep going. The next level of your life requires a new way of thinking, feeling, and being. And you are more than capable of getting there.

Call to Action:

If this resonated with you, reply and tell me—what’s one pattern you’re ready to break? Let’s grow together. ??