Why Kindness in Life and Work Pays Off

Being kind is often dismissed as a weakness. We live in a competitive environment that emphasizes winning at any cost. Nastiness and success go together, borne out by the popularity of caustic commentators, narcissistic heroes and public put-downs, particularly on social media. Criticism, cynicism, and aggression are widely accepted as signs of a “superior” person.

In the ever-evolving workplace landscape, the significance of kindness cannot be understated. Kindness fosters an environment of trust, cooperation, and mutual respect, serving as the foundation upon which strong professional relationships are built. When employees engage in acts of kindness, they not only boost morale and enhance team cohesion but also create a ripple effect, inspiring others to act similarly.

A study by David A. Fryburg and colleagues published in Frontiers of Psychology showed that “kindness and compassion are buffers for the negative effects of stress, likely through strengthening the positive interpersonal connection. In previous laboratory-based studies, watching kindness media increases viewers, increases altruism, and promotes connection to others.”

Defining Kindness

Kindness is the “ability to demonstrate generosity and consideration towards others. Kindness involves thoughtfulness, compassion and empathy, not only to people we know and love but to anyone who may need it.” In other words, true kindness is not selective; it’s shown to others irrespective of who they are, based on the understanding that we all have something important in common: being human.

Human kindness has been practiced and valued since immemorial times. Although we may not be able to trace specific or individual acts of kindness thousands of years back in time, we have reason to believe that they have always been present in society, in the form of religious and/or spiritual beliefs or as social norms and expectations. Religions such as Christianity, Confucianism, Taoism and Hinduism consider human kindness a core value.

Who has time to be kind during a global pandemic or climate change crisis event? But kindness expert Houston Kraft suggests you consider it in this worldwide crisis. Kraft, the author of Deep Kindness: A Revolutionary Guide for the Way We Think, Talk, and Act in Kindness , is trying to spread the. He’s the founder of Character Strong , a curriculum and training company that has helped provide him with a platform to work with schools worldwide.

Kindness is becoming popular, as evidenced by media titles such as “Spending Money on Others Promotes Happiness” and “Empathy Triggers Oxytocin Release”, which has led to articles in the popular media trumpeting “5 Ways Science Proves Kindness is Good for Your Health”. Popular science books such as Franz De Waal’s The Age of Empathy: Nature’s Lessons for a Kinder Society have re-asserted what Darwin observed: humans have an enormous capacity for prosocial, cooperative and altruistic behaviour.

Websites focused on spreading kindness, organizations embracing it, and educational initiatives to cultivate our better nature are abundant. Scientific reviews, such as Sonja Lyubomirsky and Kristin Layous’s paper in Current Directions in Psychological Science , claim that people can increase their happiness through practicing kindness.

This surge in popular interest in kindness stems from a wealth of converging scientific evidence which shows that empathy, compassion and altruism are innate and emerge spontaneously in early childhood, according to Felix Warneken and Michael Tomasello, writing in the British Journal of Psychology . This coincides with a rise of positive psychology and our current disparate needs to hear some good news. In the current political, economic, and environmental climate, having something like kindness to believe in is vital for keeping us positive and hopeful.

The Key Characteristics and Attributes of a Kind Person

Finding a scientifically validated list of what it takes to be kind doesn’t exist. What we can do is glean this information from a variety of pieces of research. Following is a brief list of traits that surfaced.

• Empathy.
• Good listening skills.
• Positive social connection.
• Generosity.
• Charitable.
• Helpfulness.
• Courteous.
• Engaging in perspective-taking of others.
• Caring/nurturing.

What are the Benefits of Being Kind?

1. Kindness Makes us Happier. When we do something kind for someone else, we feel good. On a spiritual level, many people feel that this is because it is the right thing to do, so we’re tapping into something profound that says, “This is who I am.” On a biochemical level, it is believed that the good feeling we get is due to elevated levels of the brain’s natural versions of morphine and heroin, which we know as endogenous opioids. They cause elevated dopamine levels in the brain, so we get a natural high, often referred to as “Helper’s High”.
2. Kindness Is Good for the Heart. Acts of kindness are often accompanied by emotional warmth. Emotional warmth produces the hormone oxytocin in the brain and throughout the body. Of recent interest is its significant role in the cardiovascular system. Oxytocin causes the release of a chemical called nitric oxide in blood vessels, which dilates (expands) the blood vessels. This reduces blood pressure; therefore, oxytocin is known as a ‘cardioprotective’ hormone because it protects the heart (by lowering blood pressure). The key is that acts of kindness can produce oxytocin, which can be said to be cardioprotective.
3. Kindness Slows Ageing. Ageing on a biochemical level combines many things. Still, two culprits that speed the process are Free Radicals and Inflammation, both resulting from unhealthy lifestyle choices. However, remarkable research now shows that oxytocin (produced through emotional warmth) reduces levels of free radicals and inflammation in the cardiovascular system and, therefore, slows aging at source. Incidentally, these two culprits also play a major role in heart disease, which is another reason why kindness is good for the heart. There have also been suggestions in the scientific journals of the strong link between compassion and vagus nerve activity. The vagus nerve, as well as regulating heart rate, also controls inflammation levels in the body. One study that used the Tibetan Buddhist’s “Loving Kindness Compassion” (LKM) meditation found that kindness and compassion did reduce inflammation in the body, mostly likely due to its effects on the vagus nerve.
4. Kindness Improves Relationships. This is one of the most obvious points. We all know that we like people who show us kindness. This is because kindness reduces the emotional distance between two people, making us feel more “bonded’. It’s so strong in us that it’s a genetic thing. We are wired for kindness. Our evolutionary ancestors had to learn to cooperate. The stronger the emotional bonds within groups, the greater the chances of survival, so “kindness genes” were etched into the human genome. So today, when we are kind to each other, we feel a connection and new relationships are forged or strengthened.
5. Kindness is Contagious. When we’re kind, we inspire others to be kind, and studies show that it creates a ripple effect that spreads outwards to our friends’ friends’ friends — to 3-degrees of separation. Just as a pebble creates waves when dropped in a pond, so acts of kindness ripple outwards, touching others’ lives and inspiring kindness everywhere the wave goes. A study reported that an anonymous 28-year-old walked into a clinic and donated a kidney. It set off a ‘pay it forward’ type ripple effect where the spouses or other family members of kidney recipients donated one of theirs to someone else in need. As it was called in the New England Journal of Medicine report, the' domino effect' spanned the length and breadth of the United States of America, where 10 people received a new kidney due to that anonymous donor.
6. Kindness reduces anxiety. Socially anxious participants who acted kindly for four weeks showed decreased social avoidance goals. The authors concluded: “Engaging in acts of kindness is an effective way to reduce state-level social anxiety.”
7. Nice guys finish first. Across three experiments, the most altruistic members gained the highest status in a social dilemma game where participants could benefit themselves or their group. The authors of a study of leaders who demonstrated kindness reported: “Our findings unequivocally show that altruistic group members received more status. They were more respected, held in higher esteem, and were more likely to be chosen as group leaders.
8. Giving time gives you more time. Participants in a study spent their time writing and mailing a letter to a gravely ill child. Later that day, they perceived they had more time to themselves than did controls.

Which Acts of Kindness are Best?

Kindness.org ’s mission is to educate and inspire people to choose kindness.

The organization reported: “To that end, we have been developing a system for testing and evaluating the costs and benefits of different acts of kindness, thereby identifying the most effective acts you can do for others. Our research team, in collaboration with researchers at Harvard University, spent the past several months compiling a list of over 1,000 acts of kindness — drawn from our community and popular and professional lists — to put to the test. We were planning a series of seven studies that would evaluate these acts — in schools, workplaces, and everyday life in different cultures around the world — and help us replace random acts of kindness with recommended acts of kindness. However, when COVID-19 stopped our world, we saw an opportunity — and felt a responsibility — to investigate what acts are most effective now, in the middle of this crisis.”

According to Kindness.org ’s survey, the Top Ten Most Beneficial Kind Acts during COVID were:

1. Washing your hands.

2. Taking care of a family member who is sick.

3. Covering your mouth when you cough.

4. Donating to people hit especially hard by the economic shutdown.

5. Cooking a nutritious and delicious meal to share with your family.

6. Buying groceries for someone.

7. Arranging video visits with elderly relatives.

8. Making a video call with your parents and grandparents.

9. Getting shopping and other essentials for a neighbor.

10. Telling a child what you’re proud of them for.

Research on Kindness

The Scottish Government values kindness so much that it included it in its National Performance Framework. The new framework outlines the purpose of the government. It also identifies outcomes all public institutions need to achieve. Their values statement is: “We are a society which treats all our people with kindness, dignity and compassion, respects the rule of law and acts openly and transparently.”

Penelope Campling’s publication, Intelligent Kindness: Reforming the Culture of Healthcare , summarizes some of the evidence for kindness's impact on our brains. For example, she found that in altruistic individuals, increased activity in the posterior superior temporal cortex has been reported (when compared with less altruistic individuals). Individual acts of kindness release endorphins and oxytocin and create new neural connections. The implications for such plasticity of the brain are that altruism and kindness become self-authenticating Campling says. In other words, kindness can become a self-reinforcing habit requiring less and less effort to exercise.

A study by Melanie Rudd, Jennifer Aaker, and Michael I. Norton concluded: “Small, concrete goals designed to improve the well-being of others are more likely to lead to happiness for the giver than act with large, abstract goals–despite people’s intuitions to the contrary, and keeping that fact in mind can provide a considerable boost to your well-being.”

Kindness reaps great benefits for the giver. Research at Mayo Clinic shows that it can increase self-esteem, empathy, and compassion, improve your mood and even help you live longer. Kindness can increase your sense of connectivity with others. It lessens loneliness and enhances relationships. Kindness can positively change your brain by increasing levels of dopamine and serotonin, which give you pleasure, satisfaction and a sense of well-being. When the recipient of your kindness responds and smiles, your brain increases the “love hormone” oxytocin, adding even more pleasure. These studies reinforce what we’ve heard since childhood — giving can be better than receiving.

A study published in the journal Motivation and Emotion by Lynn Alden and Jennifer Trew suggests that performing acts of kindness might help lessen social anxiety. Alden said, “We found that any kind act appeared to have the same benefit, even small gestures like opening a door for someone or saying ‘thanks’ to the bus driver. Kindness didn’t need to involve money or time-consuming efforts, although some of our participants did do such things. Kindness didn’t even need to be ‘face-to-face. For example, kind acts could include donating to a charity or putting a quarter in someone’s parking meter when you notice it blinking. Studies by other researchers suggest that it is important that the kind act is done for its own sake and that it not feel coerced or be done for personal benefit. Aside from that, anything goes.”

Andrew Swinland, writing in Harvard Business Review, argues: “Whether you’re just entering the workforce, starting a new job, or transitioning into people management, kindness can be a valuable attribute that speaks volumes about your character, commitment, and long-term value.” He says, “When anxiety is high and morale is low, kindness isn’t a luxury — it’s a necessity. With mass layoffs , economic uncertainty, and geopolitical tensions , kindness is needed now more than ever, especially at work.”

Kindness in Business

Kindness is not the first word we associate with business. The image of business still largely includes old scenes from industrial America in the early twentieth century: the age of hard work and tough bosses.

As the machines heated, spun, milled, and bore, managerial overlords paced factory floors, counting the output and pressing employees to produce more and more. There were better places for weak-kneed supervisors and executives. Forbearance was not a principle of Taylorism and the new scientific management, which adduced tightly choreographed movements between man and machine. The goal was to keep production lines efficiently moving by any means necessary. The only thing worse than workers who wouldn’t work was a soft manager who couldn’t make them.

We mistake the need for precision for the need for managerial control, the need for oversight with the need for corporate autocracy, and the need for vigilance with the need for icy objectivity and personal detachment. Every business presumably needs a leader who is calculative, single-minded in the financial purposes of the enterprise, and, perhaps, competitive to a fault: to the point of being overbearingly aggressive and belligerent. In this new age of competitiveness, we assume that managers who are incapable or unwilling to grimly snip away at expenses, to push employees relentlessly, and be unyieldingly tough are too compromised to succeed in a harsh and unforgiving business world.

In the workplace, researchers looked at what differences appeared among co-workers after a month dosed with a few extra acts of kindness and those who went about their day as usual. “The acts of kindness don’t go unnoticed,” reports the British Psychological Society’s Research Digest blog .

Katherine Nelson and colleagues published research in the Journal of Positive Psychology , showing that acts of kindness in the workplace increased workers’ autonomy and competence.

One study found that people treated kindly at work repay the gesture by being 278% more generous to their co-workers than a control group. It found that kindness sparks increased well-being in the workplace, which, in turn, creates higher energy levels and an increase in positive perspectives and problem-solving.

Kindness in Leadership

Kind leaders treat others with respect, communicate with compassion, listen intently, share information transparently, accommodate employees’ issues, offer advice, encourage subordinates’ career growth, motivate employees without resorting to negativity, adapt to change, recognize employees’ talent and contributions, and prioritize fairness and inclusivity.

To lead with kindness, we must have compassion, which provides employees with the sense of security that they need to perform; integrity, which means acting based on values, keeping promises, and combating biases; gratitude, meaning appreciating others’ work; authenticity, which means that leaders must show that they’re genuine; humility, which means remaining grounded and down-to-earth; and humor, which eases tension and boosts morale.

Ovul Sezer, Kelly Nault, and Nadav Klein, writing in Harvard Business Review argued that “Organizations benefit from actively fostering kindness. In workplaces where acts of kindness become the norm, the spillover effects can multiply fast. When people receive an act of kindness, they pay it back, research shows — and not just to the same person, but often to someone entirely new. This leads to a culture of generosity in an organization.” In their landmark study analyzing more than 3,500 business units with more than 50,000 individuals, researchers found that acts of kindness were related to the core goals of organizations. Higher rates of these behaviors predicted productivity, efficiency, and lower turnover rates. They concluded, “When leaders and employees act kindly towards each other, they facilitate a culture of collaboration and innovation.”

Gay Haskins, Alison Gill and Lalit Johri argue in their book Kindness in Leadership , that it’s time we all became kinder. They surveyed 200 leaders from public and private institutions. These leaders came from around the world. The authors wanted to understand how leaders perceived their role after the 2008 global economic crisis. After that crisis and other issues, trust in public and private organizations eroded in the UK and US. The researchers also wanted to know what role, if any, kindness has in business operations.

Boris Groysberg and Susan Seligson, in Harvard Business Review Working Knowledge, say that “the pandemic has challenged managers as never before, but one powerful leadership strategy is being overlooked: Be kind.” The authors sought input from 200 leaders worldwide in public and private sectors in both large and small organizations. Several of these had been participants in Sa?d Business School’s Oxford Advanced Management and Leadership Programme, and others came from the author’s wide networks, including members of EFMD and European Women’s Management Development Network (EWMD).

Irrespective of their country of origin, these worldwide leaders emphasized that kindness in leadership has a universal appeal and is characterized by various kindness-based behaviours. These included adopting a humane approach, fairness and equity; accommodating personal issues; treating others with respect; caring and being responsive; communicating with a personal touch; transparently sharing information; explaining logically; listening intently, and valuing the views of others; counselling and mentoring; and being inclusive as a leader.

Kindness is Teachable

Ritchie Davidson of the University of Wisconsin has compared practicing kindness and compassion to weight training : “People can build up their compassion ‘muscle’ and respond to others’ suffering with care and a desire to help,” he said. Great leaders attest that it is not a sign of weakness or relinquishing authority to be consistently kind to offer encouragement and show genuine interest in employees’ mental well-being in punishing times.

Research released by Signature Consultants , a leading IT and professional staffing and solutions provider, uncovered a clear connection between the practice of kind leadership and a company’s ability to create an environment which facilitates and supports innovation. In fact, according to the ground-breaking Humankindex Survey of U.S. workers, leading with kindness is the most effective leadership style to drive innovation and competitive advantage in the marketplace.

In its first annual release, the Humankindex for all U.S. companies is 58 and comprises a Kindness Quotient of 31.5 and Innovation Capability of 26.5. According to U.S. workers, companies are more likely to be considered innovative when elements of kindness exist in the culture and leadership, including:

• 78% more likely if kindness is considered a core value of the organization.
• 5X more likely if employees feel a shared sense of purpose between their job and the organization’s leadership and goals.
• 28% more likely if the company’s leadership style is to “lead with kindness.”
• When companies score higher on elements of the Kindness Quotient, they are 5X more likely to be considered innovative by employees.

A U.S. Chamber of Commerce Foundation report presents a business case for kindness. It concludes kindness in the workplace:

• Fosters trust within an organization — PwC’s 2016 CEO Survey finds that kindness increases employee commitment, eliminates communication barriers, minimizes negative competition among staff, and strengthens relationships with other business partners and investors.
• Assists in talent recruitment — A study from researchers at the University of Delaware demonstrates that having a culture of kindness at work may attract employees to a company, allow them to do their work with more compassion, and lead to lower recruiting, hiring, training costs, and higher productivity.
• Heightens employee engagement and commitment — Gallup research has shown that in the past twenty years, employee engagement has become a significant predictor of an organization’s profitability and productivity. Kindness enhances the engagement of both employees and customers . Research also indicates that loyalty increases when employees have opportunities to demonstrate kindness in the workplace.
• Fuels learning and innovation — Empathy and kindness are crucial in learning from failure and fostering innovation because they increase what researchers from the University of Michigan-Ann Arbor call ‘psychological safety ‘ in sharing information. Because innovation rests on learning from failure, kindness is an important aspect of creating new ideas.
• Promotes high-quality service and brand loyalty — Research from Gallup shows that genuine expressions of kindness in service interactions create brand loyalty, drive customer engagement with a service or experience provider, and forge lasting bonds with customers.
• Improves business performance — A Deloitte University study show an 80% improvement in business performance when levels of kindness were high.

How Leaders Can Show More Kindness

The pandemic was not a time for a stern, iron-fisted approach to leadership and management. The virus’s vast fallout demands a kinder, gentler approach. What can CEOs and managers do to infuse their leadership with kindness and empathy? Here are straightforward, effective ways to practice kindness as a matter of course:

• “I hear you.” Listen. Be fully present, and don’t judge. Encourage employees’ questions and concerns. Listen actively — no side glances at the phone. “When someone shares that they’re struggling, you won’t always know what to say or do,” write Kelly Greenwood and Natasha Krol in Harvard Business Review . “What’s most important is to make space to hear how your team members are truly doing and to be compassionate. They may not want to share much detail, which is completely fine. Knowing that they can is what matters.”
• “Are you okay?” Show a willingness to provide comfort and monitor for signs of distress such as social withdrawal and poor performance. Know when to refer an employee to get professional help.
• “What can we do to help?” It may be as simple as validating an employee’s challenges during the pandemic. But being kind might also involve actively offering mental health resources or creating a virtual support group or sounding board.
• “How are you managing these days?” According to the MIT Sloan Management Review , “some companies are creating deeper insights into the specific situations their workforces face by surveying home workers.” What they’ve found is that being single and working under quarantine alone carries a very different set of stresses than being a member of a working family with young children. One company launched daily virtual coffee breaks for employees experiencing the pangs of social isolation. For those working while caring for children, leaders must be sensitive to exhaustion issues and the difficulty of working during pre-pandemic office hours. “Leadership signalling that working unorthodox hours is okay could make a real difference to their stress levels,” according to the article.
• “I’m here for you.” Let your employees know routinely that you are there for them when they need to share concerns or require a sympathetic, nonjudgmental ear. Consider making yourself available at times outside work hours; these are not normal times.
• “I know you’re doing the best you can.” This statement is, with few exceptions, true. In scores of first-person accounts and on social media, people report working harder than they did pre-COVID. This makes perfect sense; employees fear losing their jobs as layoffs and furloughs skyrocket. In times of crisis, bosses must alter their expectations. As Bryce Covert wrote in a New York Times op-ed , “Keeping output steady while maintaining our physical and mental health just cannot be done. We have to work less, and employers have to get on board.” Public schools are closed in most states, most childcare services have ceased operations, and most couples with school-age children both have jobs. “These working parents log on after the kids are asleep and answer emails before they wake. Bosses must acknowledge how incredibly hard this has been.” But as Covert noted, “Far too often, employers act as if little has changed. Their employees are responding to their expectations by working themselves even harder. Enough.”
• Recognize, kindly. Celebrate the successes of others you work with. Global research from the O.C. Tanner Institute shows that when employees were asked what their boss or company could do to inspire them to strive for better results, recognition was, hands down, the number one answer. It was bigger than pay increases, promotions, training, and autonomy. Celebrating is kind.
• Give feedback, kindly. A 10-year study by Harvard Business Review shows that the biggest reason second-rate executives don’t move up is their inability to create trusting relationships. As leaders, sometimes we have to tell employees when they’re not meeting expectations. Critical conversations are tough but can build trust if handled with kindness — meaning you desire to help an employee become their best rather than just improving your numbers.

Conclusion:

What would it do to our society if kindness became elevated in importance? Over the last few decades, it has been fashionable to devote oneself to pursuing “happiness” and to become “mindful” — this, so positive psychology says, is the route to a good life. However, a backlash has been against this individualistic and inward-focused approach to living. The real value in directing one’s attention to helping others is perhaps that it gives meaning to life in a way that self-attention never can.

The beauty of kindness is that it is open to anyone. We can all opt to choose kindness if we wish. It is free, easily accessible to rich and poor alike, and is universally understood. Thus, if simple acts of everyday kindness can send ripple effects of well-being through society, then promoting and facilitating that has to be a constructive pursuit. And when leaders embrace kindness as a value and key behaviour, the positive impact on the organization is powerful.

You can read more about the impact of leaders' kindness and its link to good character and virtuous behavior in my new book, Virtuous Leadership: The Character Secrets of Great Leaders.