Why judgement can really cripple your character

Backtrack a few days before Christmas. Roads are busy, shopping centres are crazy and although its “the season to be jolly” it seems more like just a time where others the blinders on.

It was at this time I felt I had been doing alright. I somehow picked some a place where we were able to get a car park straight away. . .crazy right. Less people than normal and wow they seemed to be courteous in the shops and controlling their tolleys like they were being graded.

I was not wearing any Christmas shirt or Santa hat however smiles were flowing over the cheesy Christmas song being blasted for about the 5th time.

Going from isle to isle, making sure I was checking off everything on our list, I stumbled across a person stacking shelves. He looked so familiar but I couldn’t place my finger on it at all.

We shared a brief smile, I’m sure he knew who I was but I was so glad he didn’t stop me. I didn’t want to deal with that awkward hi and handshake trying to desperately work out where I have seen him before (yes you know the one i'm talking about).

I continued on shopping with my family and after some time we felt like we had done it all, ticked everyone from our lists and ready to escape the hustle and bustle of the shops. We were surprised at how easy the whole experience had been even the four little ones tagging along seemed to be blessed with divine spirits.

On our drive back to home, stopped at a set of traffic lights just waiting for the lights to change here came that same guy from the shops. Down the footpath to press the pedestrian button, shirt out, drinking an energy drink and just looking like . .. I’m glad that’s over…

It clicked… I knew who he was, it all came flooding back to me in an instant. His name was Chris, this guy was from my high school back 18 years ago. He was one of those guys at school whom got top marks, he was not just an academic student with top marks, but he allrounder (you know one of those guys that's good at everything)

I remembered he would always be accepting awards for this or for that. Out of everyone at school this guy was the one that seemed to have it all figured out.

It was at this moment of thoughts I blurted out something to my wife. . . “I used to go to school with that guy”…. “Oh really” she responded … “Yeah, I seen him stacking shelves just back in the shops”. Now this is the part I hope to remember for the rest of my life. . . I said exactly these words:

“I guess he’s not where he wanted to be, things must not have worked out for him”

(For those that know me personally, they would agree that I am usually the first to stop and offer help. I feel that I have a great deal of empathy and to be honest I don’t know where these thoughts came from but I’m glad it did.)

My beautiful wife in all her patience and wisdom looked over at me and said quietly something I will never forget “Perhaps he’s just like you.…. building towards something”

I have to admit that those words really got to me. How selfish of a thought I had, how much arrogance and pride must I have felt to even think those words let alone say them.

To put her comment into perspective, our daily bread comes from a property services business we started last year (yes 2017). I can be often seen with my contractors and by myself cleaning commercial properties to fulfill commitments. No not very glamorous at all.

On the outside I’m sure I have had whispers of the same comment. . . ”He’s probably not where he wanted to be” (It's funny how the majority of public treat you different when you seem to be lower than them) but to be honest I am exactly where I want to be.

Funny thing is that this business is supporting us while a business partner and I are smashing it in another industry with business branding and events.

“Perhaps he’s just like you.…. building towards something”. . . . out of everyone I feel I should have known not to judge, and it was perfect timing for me to have this happen.

We probably have all been guilty of passing judgement one to another, you know that time when we slurred a comment or had a thought of superiority. We have every right to thought, we have worked hard to get where we are right?

Well the world is hard enough without us adding to it and making someone’s journey more burdensome.

Perhaps there are some out there who disagree as everyone is in control of their own destiny right? Personally, I believe that we are products of our own circumstance though our choices. Yes we can change this or that in our lives if we know but simple fact is sometimes we don't know what we don't know.

There is no easier thing we can do right now to make society a better place than to have kinder thoughts to one another. Offer help if someone looks like they need it, mentor someone to help them understand choices .... you will think you are helping them but in reality you will be the one who keeps your character in check.

I would love to hear your thoughts....

*Chris is not the real name of this person due to privacy. Sorry Chris if you did go to school with me and thought this was about you :)